Living On Borrowed Time

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

1 January 2026 13.06

I’ve only been home 2 hours and Tony looks like a deflated balloon , they’ve double dosed me with steroids to counteract the chemo , I’m In full flow mouth , body and mind and he’s in limp Mode and the 2 can’t combine 😂😂 I’ll give you a snippet cos what I’ve realised I do my life in pictures and words . Let’s unhinge into some videos

Terminal but never ever be tamed , steroids letting me live my best life and him his worst . Bet he’s cursing the nhs 😂😂😂

Kirstin is at The Six Chimneys.

2 January 2026 10.09

Look rough , feel rough, but biggest feeling from my 5 am get up was hunger 🙈🙈 bit of time with eldest and youngest , spin off a few errands and then slug it for the rest of the day. Whatever your plans have a great one 💪🏻💕

Kirstin is at Wakefield Cathedral.

2 January 2026 14.29

Lit candles in Wakefield Cathedral today with two of my boys, for my loved ones already in heaven, gives me great peace knowing my dads there , my nan, aunti Kath , uncle Alan, John and Doreen with my pork pie.

A quiet moment of reflection, gratitude, still finding peace in the pauses, ignoring the big stuff and embracing the little stuff and a reminder that I’m on the guest list, just not rushing the door my rsvp not sent . It just felt good to check in say hello and let them know I’ll join them when I’m ready Still here. Still living. Still doing it my way 🕯️still terminal , will never be tame , steroid rambles , the good the bad the ugly

3 January 2026 21.55

Can’t decide whether we are playing cards against humanity or its tarot cards with my choices 🙈🙈😂😂😂

4 January 2026 10.14

Had the best day yesterday. The kind of day that makes you briefly forget your body is running on chaos, chemicals, and pure audacity. Friends, family, love, laughter absolute toptier humaning.

Yes, the food monk turned up. Uninvited. Again. But honestly, at this point he’s basically on the lease, so we move use my famous one liner of “ not usually one to complain “ and get some of the dwp blood money back 🙈🙈 with free puddings and drinks thrown in, jeez I must look the famine victim or just simple half dead .

Last day of school hols and we’ve gone full feral this year no routine, no bedtimes, no plans. Just vibes. Me, juiced up on steroids, casually smashing 18 hour days like I’m a malfunctioning Duracell bunny 😳

So naturally today is the day my body decides, “Ah yes, now we sleep in,” instead of the usual 5am horror show,why today, why not literally any of the other unhinged marathon days.

Anyway. Whatever you’re doing today enjoy it, embrace it , laugh to loud , speak to fast.

Because apparently the rules are made up and the routine doesn’t matter Still unhinged , terminal but never tame , the good the bad the ugly 💪🏻 and still more than ever determined for my 2026 goal , outlive the tin of corned beef 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is with Jacob Love and

4 January 2026 11.23

I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I’ve picked up a few followers on this journey who might be scratching their heads at my “outlive the beef” nonsense, so here it is.

A few days after getting my news the roadmap, the prognosis, the polite clinical version of “this is going to be shit” , my belly made an executive decision.

I needed a corned beef and tomato sandwich. Urgently.

Problem: my COVID stash was long gone and corned beef was never exactly a staple.

So off I toddled to Asda.

Picked up a tin.

First thought fook me that’s expensive,

Second thought checked the date.

And that’s where my carefully constructed mental strength absolutely shit the bed and I crumpled in tears for the first time.

Because that tin of corned beef had a longer life expectancy than me.

Cue the oncologist’s words bouncing round my head in the tinned

Aisle of Asda . Walk out of here and do nothing six months.

Try some options hopefully it buys you time .

Naturally I bought it got it home and couldn’t bear to open it.

I’ve never eaten corned beef since that day. Not once. My life goal became embarrassingly straightforward “ outlive the beef “

One tin.

One expiry date

One goal

One mission

One middle finger to fate.

Something solid to aim for when everything else was abstract and terrifying.

It gave me a target. A reason. A fight.

Because when everything else is uncertain, sometimes you just need something concrete to beat even if it’s processed meat in a key-shaped can.

To anyone else it sounds stupid.

To me it’s given me a goal a date ,every now and then I take it out, look at it, give it a little kiss and whisper:

“I’ll eat you soon.”

Some people set goals for proms, weddings, grandkids, dream holidays.

Mine became much simpler, outlive the beef, it probably sounds daft to some but to me, it gave me a reason to keep going and hopefully go beyond it.

Because let me tell you, two winters without being able to whack a pan of corned beef hash on has been criminal.

04-2026, although I’m opening it the week before , never been one to eat foods on there expiry date 🙈

I’m coming for you.

So operation outlive the beef 💪🏻

It’s had a kiss this morning 💕

Terminal but never tame Steroids letting me out my heart out there

One goal one mission

4 January 2026 17.16

I’m calling this a gift from above , and with every mouthful I’ll think of the absolute chaos and derailing we did to each other in fat club 🙈 a miss matched friendship me and Doreen had but so so many times she’s in my thoughts and I laugh at the memories we have . Lauren Walker thank you so much for this today , I’m gonna enjoy every single piece 💕 your mums kindness and compassion lives on through you 💕

5 January 2026 07.02

What’s on my mind , same as always when I wake, what’s for tea , second thought jeeez gonna have to buy a hoodie it’s cold and I threw all mine last year when the spring came 🙈🙈 and it’s frigging freezing , thirdly back to some kind of routine today , 2 weeks unhinged been ace , I’ve lived in and surrounded by chaos , but fast realised how quickly the house slips when your not on top , operation organise the house and get a better system in place starts today , something to potter about with over the coming weeks and keep my body n mind busy, plus think be a few freebies posted . Whatever your plans are today , I hope you have a good one 💪🏻

Kirstin is with Jacob Love.

5 January 2026 08.00

Back to school for Jacob , the last 2 weeks have been an absolute pleasure , immensely proud of the young man your shaping into , how blooming cold is it though for that early dog walk and walk to school with your pals , have a great day

Kirstin is eating breakfast with Jayne Emsley at The Bloom and Brew.

5 January 2026 12.14

2 ladies ( maybe one 😂) roasting by an open fire , fantastic breakfast date this morning. Sorry Jayne you had 3 hours of listening not talking but that’s steroids and 99 convos but none completed 🙈🙈 great to spend time with people you can truly talk to and know they might not always have the answer but they have the ears . You’ve always been someone who’s been there , maybe sometimes hidden but we are there for each other when needed and will have each others backs always 💕

The good the bad the ugly I gave you if all

Terminal but never tame 💪🏻💪🏻

6 January 2026 12.22

Can’t begin to tell you how much anxiety I had over doing this today. How long I’ve put it off for despite encouragement , how many holocaust movies flashed before my eyes as I waited for them to pressurise the diving bell , but they didn’t give me gas they gave me pure oxygen 🙈🙈 I’m gonna myself a pat on the back for doing it and thoroughly enjoy my greggs reward 🙈💪🏻

7 January 2026 08.38

Most random 🙈 but hey ho that me and steroids to which I’m

Now on a wean down plan so approach with caution 😡🙈😂 other week when these were absolutely fed up of me and not wanting to listen to 90 convos to which I finished none I needed someone to talk too or something to do , queue me then thinking yep them ninja drawers getting shabby inside cos you know what’s it like you go from Keeping em perfect from every use to then quick wipe over 🙈 and tbh it really is the most used appliance in our house and best investment we ever made . Decided to ring ninja and ramble off to them, fabricate a fault with the ninja to which I knew they wouldn’t be able to repair the fake fault and I know that there top level in replacements 🙈🙈. 55 min phone call to a call centre in Cairo both our heads were spangled but within days they sent me a brand new sparkling ninja minus the fooking drawers 😂😂😂. The drawers are £20 each on ninja to which I’m gonna order, and the grill tray for bottom I can’t remember price 🙈 but if anyone can make use of this ninja minus the drawers , or you can buy new ones ( prob cost you £60 for drawers and trays u need at bottom ) , or make use of my old ones ( need massive massive scrub ) when new ones come your welcome. It’s the biggest size ninja , need it gone asap though so I can stop tripping over the new one but like I say till my new drawers come if your wanting them. I can’t give u them but need this part gone .

Fooking hell that turned into a ramble

7 January 2026 15.27

So today’s mischief once my sparkling new ninja placed on the side 🙈 decided to look at my ninja pans cos tbh for money they was they’ve been crap , one someone hadn’t washed properly but it made it look more like coating had come off than it being dried up milk 🙈🙈 bottoms of them marked as well , trip to b and m for Brillo pads or 30 min call to ninja showing them on photos the dried up milk but it looked like coating had come off 😂😂 sorry Mrs Love we’ve really failed in the quality of the pans we’ll replace the full set of 5 🤪🙈 didn’t have to go b and m Ice to buy 99 p Brillo pads that would of turned into £100 spend in there plus saved myself a couple hours scrubbing , woohoo rinsing the last out of these steroids whilst on wean off , terminal but never be tamed , the good the bad the ugly I give you it all

Kirstin is at Rassams creamery 1.

7 January 2026

Eating my way through terminal cancer since 2023 🙈🙈🙈🙈 gotta stop that coffin lid from closing 😂😂

8 January 2026 06.50

Approach with caution today 🙈🙈 don’t know whether it was the massive ice cream loaded with every e number or steroid drug withdrawal but either way wasn’t barely a wink of sleep in me , bury myself away for day , hopefully get kitchen totally finished and then decide what room next , operation organise the chaos well and truly underway

8 January 2026 12.39

Biggest compliment I could have received today . Terminal cancer, one hour’s sleep, stepping out of my car in a disabled bay at asda . looking like death’s understudy, and I get the full up And down look from the M&S bags life morality squad who decide I don’t look very disabled, Honestly was highlight of my morning imagine being actively dying and still failing the expectations of two beige lifes middle aged people who’s bag for life looked more ripped and stretched than my liver , I look at them, calm as a corpse put up My middle finger and say terminal But never tame, still exhausted, still apparently too alive for public approval while they shuffle away clutching their reusable bags their unsolicited opinions, I hopped , skipped and dashed round asda at such a pace it put them to shame 😂🙈😂 picture just of me next to my car in the disability spot , not that I can’t walk From The furthest spot but dwp Blood money has made me that fat that I struggle to fit outta a slim space 😂😂😂

8 January 2026 21.10

While the world lay horizontal, whining about being tired,

I spent past however many days gutting the kitchen ,

26 cupboards stripped, scrubbed, cleaned , organised and crap thrown away. Replaced bits that needed replacing ( cheers ninja ) did buy some bits too .

Full overhaul. Paint fumes included.

At my own pace which still outpaces the living dead, no naps , no self pity ,

No bone idle gene it’s never existed in the Cullen blood line.

I’m terminal, not waiting or decorative, not grateful ,

Not going quietly or gently or fucking gracefully and I’ll smell of bleach not perfume 👍🏻

I will die knowing this, I moved while others stalled.

I worked while others watched life happen to them, the beige kind , The kitchen is in order , Terminally ill, not terminally useless. If I drop dead tomorrow, let it be known

Tony has a pristine, organised kitchen my last legacy to him and I went out busy, brutal, and unbroken. Ps thank you everyone who’s collected bits I put up for free and fetched me chocolate buttons in exchange 😋😋

Terminal but never tame

Steroid withdrawal approach with caution and buttons

9 January 2026 14.55

Before anyone thinks I’m on death mode I’m

Not, but today I did not get dressed 🤪.

Before you start the wellness checks

This is a first for me and I thought it was a conscious lifestyle choice.

I have no intention of leaving the house until I go out for tea later, so I stayed in tartan pyjamas and last night’s knickers like so many prob do.

Yes, I did drive Jacob and his mates to school.

Still in pyjamas. Knew today I had to save my appetite for tonight or I’d get food monk on.

Instead I’m currently five breakfasts deep, eating like I’m emotionally hedging my bets against the day.

Apparently some people feel motivated in sleepy clothes. That’s not me . The moment I stayed in pyjamas, all productivity died instantly and without dignity.

Every task I planned evaporated.

Today’s achievements include, surviving , eating 5 breakfasts deep, and the deep realisation that motivation is directly linked to wearing a bra not having em

Flapping like spaniel ears 😂😂💪🏻

Terminal but never tame

Steroid wean off but still

Unhinged

First for everything but they’ll

Never be a second day I don’t get dressed

Kirstin is with Alison Parratt.

9 January 2026 20.50

Been wanting to try michelangelos since it opened and finally got round to it tonight , fantastic company and lasagne best I’ve ever eaten in my life , full belly happy Kirstin 💪🏻💪🏻

10 January 2026 20.47

Well that’s the replacement ninja pan set here, they upgraded me because ones we had are out of stock 🙈 hate em just like I hated the original ones, they’ve told me to bin old ones with milk stains on 😂😂 actually feel like I rambled away for half hour to someone in a call centre to end up back at square one with something I hate. But if anyone as brass necked as me and fancies a brand new ninja pan set for free drop me a message

Kirstin is in Doncaster.

11 January 2026 13.57

Since when did McDonald’s get all

Posh with a surf n turf burger , but I’ll give it a bash 🙈

11 January 2026 15.25

Just wanted to refresh myself on this face the exact moment Tony realised what chemo, steroids and absolutely no adult supervision had done.

The biggest, most spangled out session of my life ended with me accidentally without thought, knowledge, or eyesight buying a motorhome blind from an auction didn’t even want one was like one of them purchases in asda of cake you didn’t know you wanted . Off Tony and Joe toddled to Nottingham to pick it up within the 24 hour timeframe. None of us even knew what the bastard looked like until they got there.

Tony’s what have you done face will live rent free in my soul forever.

But here’s the thing

we ended up having fun in something we never knew we needed, wanted, or should legally be allowed to own. It became The Not Dead Yet Bus.

Joe reckons the second I drop, he’s slapping fresh stickers on it saying:

She’s dead now Honestly I Respect the hustle Joseph is already plotting a Benidorm bender for this year ,

Samuel and Jacob want a fishing trip to France And me I hate it.I can’t drive it it’s basically a bus.

There’s no bed I can lie flat on. And the plan was always use it, sell it, move on.

But instead it sparked something in the boys.

They laugh about it. They plan adventures. They imagine futures.

And somewhere in the background of every one of those memories will be

that insane, bad decision Mum made. So here we are —2026.

A year I was never meant to see.

The motorhome was supposed to be gone.

Just another ghost of last year but I didn’t die on schedule did I 🙈

Nah.

Fuck that.

The last few years taught me one thing

adapt or die bored.

I’ve twisted my old life around my new body, my new limits, my new reality.

I’m not stopping now.

I can’t make the Not Dead Yet Bus easier to drive.

I can’t magic a proper bed into it.

But I can keep using it to give my kids stories instead of silence.

I’m out on a mission with Samuel right now.

Can’t wait to see Tony’s face when we tell him.

What’s the worst he can do kill me or pull a better face for Facebook 😂😂

Terminal, but never tame.

Forever blaming the steroids.

Always destined to go out like a firework —

never a fucking candle.

12 January 2026 08.07

SOS , anyone on slow release morphine that can answer me a quick question so I don’t have to spend 2 hours chasing for an answer please , or someone with medical knowledge that I won’t use against you

12 January 2026 08.24

Well today I officially start the final week of coming off the steroids.

Your only meant to be on these Satans smarties for 5 days,

I’ve been on them since the second week of December. Dont get me wrong they’ve been magical, pain reduced , energy levels off the scale like pre cancer , enjoyed the 18 hour days , more time with my people , more life crammed into everyday , absolute blessing . But they’ve come at a cost.

Mainly Tony’s mental health and our bank balance 🙈

I’m now permanently irritable, running on rage, and holding about 99 conversations at once in my own head I eat like I’m preparing for hibernation and burn through DWP blood money at Olympic speed. This week’s mission is simple, stay busy and try not to become feral.

Hopefully soon I’ll be back to, having one conversation at a time, not wanting to eat my body weight daily.

I am terrified the pain is about to come back swinging. But for now I’m riding the chaos.

This is my final week to make bad decisions and blame a tiny white pill for all of them, happy Monday everyone , have a fantastic week 💪🏻💪🏻

12 January 2026 09.56

Ninja pan drama continues and I honestly can’t knock there customer service level proper top level 👍🏻 next new set has arrived and really dissapointed that they all have scratches on the base and perfect everywhere else . They invited me to a video call to show them and agreed it’s not acceptable and they need to send me a replacement , on the video call

I had my best dying face on and said I’m

So grateful they do everything to door as I struggle to leave house and added in a few choking fits for effect . Couldn’t knock her compassion when she said I can see your going to struggle to leave the house to get this set returned so can I ask do you have the ability to dispose of them even though there brand new, I said I had alot of space in my bin as I don’t eat much now so don’t generate much rubbish . Most people leave jewellery and watches when they die and here I am scattering ninja bloody pans everywhere 😂😂 oh well people can think of me when there cooking. 4 th attempt now let’s hope there perfect 🙈🙈🤷‍♀️💪🏻

12 January 2026 20.05

Last time I had a Chinese I ended up

Being emergency rushed to hospital , so tonight’s about facing a fear and fact I’ve no pans 😂😂😂

13 January 2026 11.22

Why hello Tuesday , knackered today after a shocking episode in night with pain , thank you Tony for looking after me , I know I take piss out of him sometimes but he’s a good one bless him 💕. Now mid way through my deep sea dive 🙈🙈 it really did come with its benefits to me last week so gonna try do 2 sessions weekly and see how I get on .

13 January 2026 18.36

For those of you invested in the Cullens ninja pan drama 😂😂😂 gonna need a scrap man to empty my wheelie bin 🙈🙈 another new set en route and another set I’m

Told to dispose of 🙄 like I’m

Gonna do that 🙄🙄. Terminal can hop skip and decorate but can’t make it to a dpd depot 🙈🙈

Kirstin is with Jacob Love.

13 January 2026 19.00

Well Jacob what can I say , you aren’t just fab company for your mum your great for your teachers too , fantastic parents evening and as always make us so proud. Keep on aiming high son and keep on smashing it to acheive the good results that are predicted for you. Proud of you now and always ,

14 January 2026 08.41

God I love this dog , winter pose resumes for Lottie 🐶💕

14 January 2026 17.53

Apparently yesterday’s dive in the diving bell injected me with a suspicious amount of energy today which is exactly what I needed while tapering off Satan’s Smarties (steroids). Timing impeccable, body rare win.

Huge thanks to those who truly understand how brutal this weaning plan can be. It’s not just tired and moody it’s fooking moody .

Today I’m deeply grateful for what most people would call a completely normal day because for me, it meant everything. A lovely Costco and Crown Point mooch with a friend this morning, an entertaining catch up with Gaynor this afternoon, and then more progress on operation clear out organise the chaos,

Back in the diving bell tomorrow, and hopefully it dishes out another illegal hit of energy. Because when you’re terminal but never tame — feral, unfiltered, and still kicking what you crave more than anything isn’t big moments, it’s normal ones.

And today, I got exactly that 💪🏻 my little Costco treat to myself for being awesome 🙈🙈

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

15 January 2026 10.54

God I know how to treat him 😂😂😂 I’m curious to the effects on his healthy body vs my broken one 🙈🙈 this is defo my idea of a date though , can’t talk to each other 😂😂😂

15 January 2026 14.05

Ninja drama continues 🙈🙈 wrong colour sent 😂😂 new set on way 💪🏻😂

16 January 2026 06.55

Steroid withdrawal and pain got the better of me past few days 😢 ain’t gonna let it happen today 💪 you don’t get given good days you create them 👍 mind over matter

Kirstin s with Tony Love.

16 January 2026 11.28

Tonys been off all week , he’s spent most of his time trying to organise his own things and put them away then comes running to me like he needs a reward for putting his own things away 🙈🙈 well

I think this is fitting 😂😂😂😂

16 January 2026 13.39

Cullens clearout rebegins 🙈🙈 Cadburys chocolate buttons is the currency 😂😂 kingsize duvet if you wanted curtains ( great condition ) and matching quilted through ( well used ) your welcome next week when I’ve decorated and put new bedding and curtains on

Kirstin is with Michelle Pitfield and Tara Louise.

17 January 2026 09.31

Today would of been your 85 th birthday John , your passing has been weird as I’ve experienced very little grief from it just relief that your suffering is finally over and a happiness of all

The memories you was part of over the years with me and my family . The one thing I’ll forever be thankful for is the Isle of Wight family you fetched into our life’s , they are nothing but an immense support to me and for that I’m

Truly thankful , they’ve your kind and caring genes and your legacy most definately lives on through them . I often refer to them as my sisters from

Another mister , you’d be so proud of them always , tonight I’m sure Michelle will

Raise a glass to your ashes , don’t think it will be barcadi though I sent her your favourite at Xmas and she doesn’t like it 🙈 be vodka and orange for you tonight but you did always like to try different things. Happy birthday John , the one where you are at peace and hopefully surrounded by your loved ones in heaven 💕💕

18 January 2026 22.40

Last minute unplanned dates are defo the best ones . Silently I celebrate final day of steroids withdrawal. Hopefully the feral , unhinged , awake 18 hours a day Kirstin will remain cos god I’ve made myself chuckle at times , dissapointed though that no random purchases , and the only person financially affected has been ninja 🙈😂😂 final conclusion on that in next few days hopefully . Thanks Alison Parratt for coming at 10 min notice a great support to me always. Have a fantastic week everyone 💪🏻💪🏻

19 January 2026 21.18

Been a mega long arsed day and yeah today pushed me. But I suppose something had to.Here since 9am for bloods. Saw Professor Stark and opened with You’re getting the good, the bad and the ugly today.

He got the ugly,

To be fair, by now he knows I don’t have a filter and I say it exactly as it is.

So explain this to me: Why did I find out via a delayed postal system that I had E. coli in my bladder, Why, after agreeing at Christmas that I would complete a ReSPECT form something I know the value of because of John, and how vital that piece of paper was in protecting his end of life wishes did I discover one had already been completed for me in my absence.

Without me , no input and when I asked him to read me what my wishes were he couldn’t have fucked it up more if he tried .

Who the hell fills out a ReSPECT form without the actual patient

So yeah he saw the bad side of me today.

Because so many things could have gone catastrophically wrong when end of life care is being quietly pushed without the patients involvement.

Palliative care referral made 25/11 still no contact.

Steroid withdrawal completed this weekend brutal

And I’ll be honest: in the final days I took a regular dose just to have one good, pain-free day.

Pain is my constant now.

I hate it.

Still trying to find the balance with morphine.

I can only sleep on my left side because of tumour burden, and now because cancer loves a plot twist I’m developing a pressure sore on my ear.

My ear.

Honestly, what the fuck.

But enough moaning.

Round 43 let’s be having you.

Wildcard chemo.

If it feels like it’s doing nothing, that’s fine because this helps future research for people with this shitty arse cancer I still can’t spell or say.

Many would’ve given up by now.

But while I’ve got breath in my body, I’ll fight. I know what my ending looks like.

And I know how lucky I’ve been to have had this time when my prognosis was so poor.

But I learned early on if you lose your mental strength, you’ve lost the fight before it’s even begun.

So today I don’t give cancer the middle finger.

Today I give it my strength.

The one thing that’s carried me through my darkest days.

And I’m still here, still moaning , still feral and unhinged cos another plot twist steroid withdrawal finished yesterday and then now I’ve 4 days worth to take 😂😂 how’s that for screwing with your body and mind . I’m in here overnight, that’s fine though , takeaway en route via just eat.

The good the bad the ugly I give you it all , terminal but never tame , a few more days of unhinged , love it

20 January 2026 11.39

Home sweet home After 26 hours in hospital, hardly.

Apparently rest after round 43 is optional.

Honestly, if this is the state of the house while I’m alive and spend 26 hours away I dread to think what it’ll look like when I’m dead. I won’t even come to haunt it , couldn’t bear to see what it became 🙈🙈

Terminal but never tame , steroid unhinged , 3 weeks weaning plan completed to now be back on them 4 days , everyone getting the ugly not just Proffesor doesn’t know where I want to die stark

21 January 12.05

Settled but sweaty nights sleep , session in diving bell this morning , every session has different affects on me , today I felt disoriented when I came out but soon cleared and found my bearings to Greggs 😂😂 home to this, ninja drama continues 🙈🙈 I actually darent even open it 🤷‍♀️

Terminal but never tame , scattering pans across the land 🤪

Sarah Thurlow is with Patrick Thurlow.

21 January 2026 16.02

This is your fault Kirstin😂

21 January 2026 16.27

Well what started as me spannered out and unhinged on steroids , decided to do a massive kitchen makeover and renew , a solitary ninja pan that look faded but was actually dried milk 🙈, a warranty claim to ninja which resulted in them upgrading me to a ceramic 5 piece set , lost track of the pans that have arrived , the scratches they’ve had which really isn’t acceptable on a £250 set , the amount they told me to bin cos I’m poorly sick n dying 🤷‍♀️ but finally finally a perfect 5 pieces set has arrived , I darent even check them , tony did , but 👍🏻👍🏻 there perfect only 1 with small scratch but don’t care , pan gate is now over, ninja dramas over , might do my shark hoover next 🤷‍♀️🙈 Ps still don’t like the pans there too heavy for me 😂😂😂

Kirstin is with Jayne Emsley.

22 January 14.41

Not only lovely food but lovely company, shame we had to cut short between my pain and Jacob fainting at school , just means we have to do it again 💕💕

Kirstin is with Joanne Louisa.

23 January 2026 21.26

Well. PIP day.

Apparently £12 extra a month payrise is what my impending death is worth now.

How generous.

That’s one more McDonald’s every four weeks that I’ll have to force down just to cleanse myself of the government’s blood money paid out on the basis that I’m terminal but still inconveniently upright.

From April, 26 terminally ill Wakefield residents pay zero council tax.

Regardless of income.

Which is brilliant, because now I’ve got even more money that won’t become furniture, won’t become memories, and definitely won’t be spent on a future I’m not invited to.

Eat it, burn it, spill it on the floor same outcome.

The irony still slaps.

When we were parenting on fumes we never ticked the right boxes, never qualified, never got help.

Now I’m dying and they won’t stop throwing cash at me like it’s an apology letter with a pound sign on it.

I still laugh about the DWP call.

“Lifetime award,” they said.

Didn’t specify whose lifetime.

Bold of them to assume especially since I’m already way past my oncologist’s expiry date. Catch up With Joanne tonight , the one that’s defo been there through the good the bad and the ugly and every episode of my life. caught up with a friend at my new favourite place to eat. It’s my new fave place to go and I often now just start eating my tea and think that’s off in bin cos I want an icecream .

First £17 gone thanks for helping me eat the blood money .

Terminal

But will never be tame , zero fucks given . Death pending.

Vibes intact. 😂

24 January 2026 15.33

14 months to take a shop lifter to court , why on earth am I stood like a dick at self service waiting for some spanner to come help me, take my ashes to court I’m

Not paying for the chicken , cheers 💪🏻

Terminal

But never tame , adjust your life and morals to suit your situation 🙈🙈😂😂

Kirstin is with Samuel Love and Tony Love.

24 January 2026 19.19

This Christmas was a weird one , so many thoughts running through everyone’s head and at times headspace is what we needed. I was steroided up and completing 18 hour days unhinged so I took to spending the nights sat out in garden wrapped up , but the house then came to me . We’d sit and chat till the early hours , conversations that really we didn’t want to have but away from Distractions were able to freely have , those convos and times meant the world 💕 so operation bus shelter became a thing , create a bit of cover from the elements , finally it’s finished today , thank you Samuel , Tony and my amazing neighbour mark , Tony bless him I’ve rewarded him with his first sticker for his reward chart , not for tidying up after himself but for doing a labour of love , I don’t usually do emotional but 😢

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

24 January 2026 21.56

Honestly I missed my calling in life as a photographer , capture some right unfiltered pics, here’s Tony looking like a cross between a turkey and god knows what 😂😂 he’s gonna kill me but I don’t care , found a random couple steroids today and like a dick took em cos I was missing unhinged 🙈🙈

think I’ve conquered a good unhinged day today 😂😂

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

26 January 2026 08.09

Slept in this Monday morning which frankly is a win. Not being up and down all night in pain is a luxury . The fact I woke up at all a blessing .

Even managed to see Jacob off to school for the first time in ages, dogs included. Honestly, overachiever behaviour. Someone alert the dwp.

After successfully completing my steroid weaning plan (aka Satan’s Smarties detox), I then found a secret stash in the cupboard. Like any respectable addict, I relapsed. Three days deep and worth it . The long, unhinged days. The reckless spending. Laughing at my own jokes way too much while everyone around me slowly despairs and mentally switches off. Glorious.

Today though I’m being sensible. The rest are stashed away. Hidden. For emergencies. Or Tuesdays.

Really hoping when the palliative team finally come out on Friday, someone anyone takes responsibility for my pain management. Currently it takes nine phone calls just to get the meds my oncologist already thinks I should be on. Morphine I don’t think

Suits me , no matter how much I take it doesn’t take the edge off , but it does give me wet farts and constipation is a thing of the past . is not my painkiller of choice. Hence me bouncing back to steroids for the pain free dry farts kinda days. You all

Look forward to a night out or holiday , I work towards sneaking 2 steroids with my morning coffee to have an amazing day . Tonys back to work today after his three day resr , and honestly he needs a break from me. He left the house this morning looking like a well used testicle deflated, wrinkled, spiritually exhausted. He tries, bless him. But he’s no match for steroids, speed, and the seventeen simultaneous projects currently running riot in my head.

Whatever you’ve got planned this week make it a good one. We’re not here for long, and some of us are running on borrowed time whether we know it or not , that clock is ticking .

Terminal, never tame, permanently unhinged, medically unsupervised, fuelled by dark humour, bad decisions, and the occasional Satan’s Smartie relapse. I will not be soft, quiet, inspirational, or well-behaved about this.

I’m here for a good time, not a long one and frankly, I’m already overachieving so the dwp tell me 💪🏻💪🏻

26 January 2026 10.37

Middle finger to the housework there was a cancellation for the diving bell 💪🏻💪🏻

26 January 2026 14.26

Surely there’s got to be more to life than be dying and rushing to the range cos they’ve got fence paint on offer 🙈🙈 oh what did Kirstin do in her remaining time did she go create memories nah mate got my fences painted 😂😂😂😂

Kirstin is with Joanne Louisa.

26 January 2026 21.12

Lovingly made this tonight but knew after first mouthful I wanted a freezing cold icecream more ( steroid tongue ) , timed well with Leeds game being on in both houses . Bore off with your sugar feeds cancer malarky 🙈🙈 cheers Dwp blood money 💪🏻 faster I eat the money quicker I rid my soul of it 😂😂 lovely catch up as always Joanne , the one who I can always laugh , smile , cry and fart with , those are the friendships you want in life and I’m lucky to have a couple of friends who fit

that box 💕

27 January 2026 17.54

Holocaust Survival Remembrance Day

I feel blessed to have been able to travel to Auschwitz with Samuel to stand on that ground, to bear witness, and to remember the millions who were taken, silenced, and made to suffer in ways no one should suffer . Going there changes you. It’s not just a place it’s a reminder of suffering and hatred . Going there was an act of remembrance, respect, and responsibility. To remember those who did not survive. To honour those who did. And to ensure that their stories are never forgotten, because it should never ever be forgotten . I’d recommend anyone to go

27 January 2026 20.31

Completed the hardest job I’ve ever had to do as a mum , it’s taken me weeks and at times put me in survival mode, had to shut myself off to deal With every emotion that surrounded the task of love . But today finally it’s completed. Can switch off from it now and hope one day it gives comfort to 3 very special boys 💕💕

28 January 2026 07.14

Woohoo , slept amazing last night , no screeching like a pig cos I got stuck on my back like a beetle 🙈🙈 feel like a new woman . Have to dose myself right up on everything today inc 2 Satans smarties yay a day of unhinged and ferel. Scan day, I won’t let it change my mood or mindset , the results are already written somewhere, it was always a wild card of a chemo and my body is already telling me the results 👎 but it’s research it’s statistics and one that will help hopefully when they decide to invest more money into rare shitty arse cancers, for me I see it as my way of being a living organ donor as let’s face it no one would want my cancer ridden organs . Have a fantastic day whatever your doing today 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.

28 January 2026 14.24

I refuse to let it just be a “ scan “ day . not been crossgates for years so had hours mooch round , 50% off at harvestor till tommorrow so why not , and then quick 10 min scan at seacroft hospital , lovely few hours out of house , unhinged and feral , mums happy she’s had her dinner and taken our leftover chicken home 🙈🙈

29 January 2026 07.15

Woohoo slept well till 4.30 am , so grateful to of got a pain free day yesterday and make good use of it, that’s thing with the steroids they give my body what it needs to fight pain but the nhs says no to letting me have them . Good job my oncologist fucked up with a prescription and I’m

Now left with 14 left in my stash to play roulette with as to when I want a good day . Hour in diving bell this morning . Still don’t really know what it’s doing for my body and mind , one tumour dies right off In pain for a good day and other ramps right up , my head can either be super clear and I feel mega refreshed or I come outta there like a slug and disoriented but equally it’s 100 minutes sat still which is unheard of for me , what ever your doing today , make it a good one 💪🏻💪🏻

29 January 2026 15.26

Sometimes you just need that breather , that drink in a different surrounding ,

Kirstin is feeling blessed.

30 January 2026 06.58

When operation build a shelter was in pipeline said to Tony and Samuel more than ever would love to be sat wrapped up watching snow fall , well here we have it , morning coffee and snow ⛄️

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

30 January 2026 08.38

Since November things have been hard, debilitating pain from my liver and pelvic tumour , but what’s been harder has been the professional incompetence between my gps and oncologist. Me, chasing prescriptions like a side quest to survival, sometimes left empty handed and furious and without the pain relief that allows me to function. Fell asleep on the sofa at half seven last night , liver pain was horrific and add into that a uti. Today the pallative care team come for the first time after my oncologist failed to process the referral 3 times since December , but I feel far too alive this morning for them

so I danced myself into submission 😂😂

Now I’m back on the sofa, completely wrecked,

finally performing “terminal enough”

for the palliative care team due any minute 🙈🙈

I am terminal.

Not docile. Not delicate. Not tame.

I was never going to fade quietly.

I’m a firework

loud, burning, and impossible to ignore. I speak out loud cos one day my suffering could become someone else’s survival guide . I don’t actually know what dying should look like but I refuse for it to be beige , hope you all laugh at my dance routine 😂😂😂

Kirstin is with Ann Cullen at St James’s University Hospital.

1 February 2026 18.55

Well I did have a relaxing Sunday planned but not the relaxing in a hospital bed , god knows what’s occurred but new meds started yesterday and oh my days never known pain like it , felt like my liver been split in 2, short term meds for next few days till a plan can be figured out. Starving , tired , moody and feral , thanks mum for being at my side always💪🏻

2 February 2026 16.27

Joining the tik tok trend in my broken body and no bra way to give you an update from the weekend . The wonder drug I was given looks like I had a one in god knows how many million chance that rather than helping with inflammation actually inflamed liver , train and error to see what works , they discharged me last night with 5 day course of steroids and amatriptyline as a nerve blocker , thankfully they all kicked in , the nerve blocker jeez last night within 20 min of taking it eyes were rolling tongue hanging out and some right snoring noises and again steroids im back unhinged , feral and full of energy , today’s been a perfect normal day and there the ones I love , thanks everyone for your well wishes and support , as always it means so much 💪🏻💪🏻

2 February 2026 20.56

Please pray for Tony as he’s still not absorbed after all this time how annoying I am when I’m on steroids unhinged and feral . This is not a phase this is me over 2 years in on steroids for 3 days minimum monthly and let’s not forget the 5 weeks of steroid fun at Xmas , but everytime I’m on them comes as a total suprise my complete split personality yes split between ferral and funny 😂😂 Tony I’ll light a candle or a flare for you or just hide , love you 💕💕

3 February 2026 12.01

Starving after diving bell , well when am I never starving .new favourite sarnie 😋😋

4 February 2026 08.19

World Cancer Day today apparently, today is supposed to be about raising awareness , cute , for those of us living with it trust us we are aggressively

Aware .

29 months ago declared terminal.

43 rounds of chemo.

And cancer is now running wild like it owns the place.

But I’m still here.

Still breathing out of spite.

Still laughing because silence would mean it wins. Still being strong because I refuse to let it take my soul.

I’m not brave.

I’m not inspirational.

I’m what happens when death sends a message and keep living anyway and refusing for it to be a beige life oh and dwp keep throwing money at me I’ll keep fighting outta spite to them.

Cancer picked the wrong body.

The wrong mind.

The wrong problem.

So no I won’t fight quietly.

Terminal, but never tame.

I’ll always go out like a firework

loud, burning, and impossible to ignore.

4 February 2026 12.44

Someone in a chatty mood , forever be my best bad steroid fueled unhinged decision, he’s fetched so much love and laughter 💕💕🦜

4 February 2026 18.30

Man flu vs terminal cancer 😂😂

Another room Ticked off the list ✔️

5 February 2026 10.29

Back in the diving bell this morning , people keep asking me what the purpose behind it is for me , tbh I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ I took encouragement from others and did no research 🙈 but what I wil say for me it helps reduce the heavy fatigue by flooding my brain with oxygen , improves my mental clarity as chemo fog is defo real , it gives me 1 hour 20 min where I have to stay seated and for me this is a luxury , I also have 24 after it where I cough up lots of crap which I believe is from when I had Covid in September , it’s doing me no harm so I’ll keep doing it whilst ever it’s viable for me to be healthy enough to travel . Have a cracking day everyone 💪🏻💪🏻

7 February 2026 12.56

Been a weird old week and one that’s had me in survival mode . The harsh reality of the medical team , the spoken facts I’ve never wanted answering nor asking , the signs my body is screaming at me , but you know what every day is a blessing , everyday I have to make use of day I’ve been blessed with , even if it’s making it out for breakfast , a walk with the dogs, a trip to Sainsbury’s or putting a nice meal on the table. I’m doing so many things behind the scenes to try make life that bit easier for those I leave behind , clearing , organising and trying to get them one step ahead . So hard seeing all those around me struggling, to hear them talk about me In the past and present context , but you know I love that we can openly talk about it , because ultimately life will and does have to go on without me , all we can do is try enjoy life the best we can , let no words go unspoken and embrace the love and support that surrounds me. Weird cos I’ve been put on highest dose of steroids I’ve had to try sort this debilitating pain out and they’ve made me all emotional and tired, much prefer feral and unhinged , whatever your doing this weekend make it a good one , tommorrow is guaranteed to none of us 💕💕💪🏻

Kirstin is with Jacob Love and 2 others at Rassams creamery.

8 February 2026 18.28

Well that’s got the taste buds smiling 💕💕 mates date love it

9 February 2026 07.01

Why hello Monday, you came round fast. Oncology today with Professor Stark and my CT results.

To me though there just confirmation of what my body’s been screaming for weeks.

The wildcard chemo didn’t work but honestly, it was a dream to tolerate the 24 hours I had to do in hospital each time felt like a social

Event of terminal people who could openly talk , so I don’t regret a second of it.

So that’s now me a statistic a future footnote that helps the next generation fighting leiomyosarcoma. Today’s priority at my appointment is pain , see if there’s any pallative options other than medicine that we are struggling to get a real balance on, even the high dose steroids they’ve put me back on have struggled to keep it in any real control . Weirdly as well they’ve yet to turn me feral and unhinged just emotional . Whatever your plans this week , if you’ve the opportunity too make it a good one cos life sure does zoom by , the little things become the big things , no regrets, no looking back 💕💪🏻 outlive the beef still pending

10 February 2026 12.15

Yesterday as predicted was just confirmation of what my body has been telling me , the wild card chemo has failed and the tumours are progressing at their own agenda , biggest liver tumour now stands at 12.5 cm and pushing into my rib cage and up into my diaphragm causing the debilitating pain . Me and Tony saw my multiple tumours on screen yesterday , defo an eye opening moment of wow jeez how the chuff am I even still functioning . I’ve been very blessed that 30 months ago I was given 6 mths , I refused to sit , I refused to dwell , I refused to live a beige life , I continued to live my life my way with cancer as the part time job I had to fit in . I fought like a lion with 43 chemos , pushing my body beyond what many could do , but time is what is precious and boy did I get some precious moments , I’ve never been one for fancy or posh or extreme , the little moments are what matter the most . Those closest to me have seen the decline in me since Christmas , the relentless pain , the wavering of energy and the introduction of naps. I go with the flow , ride the good hours / days and sit with monk on the bad ones . I refuse to be a victim in my own story , I accepted my fate along time ago but kept the strong mindset of keeping going till my body no longer could . We are now out of treatment options, my liver is no longer functioning enough but equally with this rare cancer there’s always such limited options and you have to weigh up quality of life . This isn’t me bowing out this is me speaking honestly to so many that have supported me every step of the way. Life may now have to start turning a bit brown but 100% will never be beige. Bit of a rewind picture to the very start of the journey 30 months ago to now 💪🏻

11 February 2026 16.24

Days of normal dictated by the belly are the best kinda days , lovely afternoon tea out at nigellas with Nikki Shaw-Taylor, a fantastic support to me and we can ramble away , might have a nanna nap soon as I’m, Stuffed ,

12 February 2026 08.29

Worst night ever for pain last night , the pain in Tony’s face witnessing it mirrored the pain in my face feeling it . But it’s done , it’s over , I woke to another sunrise , and bizzarly for first time with these steroids I feel fooking feral , let’s see where the day takes me and what it involves , can’t change the path I’m on but can enjoy the ride as much as I can , have a blessed day everyone 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.

12 February 2026 14.12

While trying to find a nice pic of me and my mum

Other day I realised every single one we either had icecream in our hand or it was a kfc selfie . I’m not bothered cos it’s me doing things with her that I love, eating and talking . She’s been one of my absolute rocks not just through cancer but my whole life , a mum is defo for life not just for Christmas . Love her cherish her and listen to the stories. And yep we’ve now matching grey hair , 100% never died my hair in my life , it dropped out brown n grey last time and only the grey is growing back 🙈 cancer the gift that keeps on giving 🙄

kirstin is with Jacob Love.

12 February 2026 21.23

Whilst we are riding storms Jacob is still trying to be the best version of himself he can be . His first Cadet award . Forever proud of how far he pushes himself 💕💕

13 February 2026 08.35

We don’t get given good days we take them , we build them and even if that’s outta pain , rage , steroids and unhinged . Life doesn’t arrive wrapped up , we have to create it ourselves . So I adapt I bend the rules , I try make light in places that were never meant to be warm. Some days are survival , some are rebellion and others feral. But everyone of those days are mine , mine to treasure and use wisely . While ever there’s fire burning bright in my belly although hampered by a shit ton of tumours my life will never be beige I’ll keep living in loud colours , last minute plans are always the best kind , pain isn’t defined to one postcode so let it travel let’s have a change of scenery. Terminal but never tame , unhinged and feral , tommorrow guaranteed to none of us 💪🏻

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

14 February 2026 08.04

26 years together and we’ve ridden every tide life has thrown at us.

High waves, calm waters, storms we never saw coming and still, here we are.

Three sons, our greatest legacy our footprints left in this world.

Proof of a love that grew, changed, survived, and in hard times never stopped choosing each other.

My time here may be more limited now, but we’ve lived fully.

We’ve packed a lifetime into the years we’ve had a thousand memories, a million laughs, and more love than I ever imagined possible.

We may only have a past and a present but what a beautiful story they hold .

Tonight was a gentle pause

a lovely night away, a change of scenery, a reminder that even now, there is still moments to have oh and of course seaside eating to remember. Tony’s always wanted to stay at the grand , I’ve stayed before , realised last week the special things I can do for others is there wishes and firsts and let me be part of it .

Happy valentines Tony , today comes with no presents just time together and silent reflection 💕💕

14 February 2026 10.23

Over 4 years ago dad days before death I took you for your final crafty fag to the canal , you was such a bad secret smoker, everyone knew. Stood here now at the place we scattered your ashes having a crafty fag with you . In the final resting place you chose you picked mine too as wouldn’t go anywhere else but with you , but could have picked someone warmer and less exposed although great view. Weird to think the next time I’ll be here is when our ashes will Meet , not fag ash to ash but ash to ash . The one thing that gives me great peace is knowing soon I’ll be back with you but when I’m ready , enjoy the peace for now dad 💕 heart on my sleeve today

14 February 2026 12.36

All these heart shaped pizzas and cakes , fook that I want the calories and crusts , give me round any day

17 February 2026 10.01

What a weird old week it’s been. Last week’s oncology news didn’t land like a bomb.

It landed like a sigh.

Because my body had been screaming the truth since December,

and the scans just turned the volume up those closest to me knew exactly what was going to be said because they’ve seen it in me .

For 30 months I’ve been fighting cancer , massive middle finger , a routine of poison , a prayer for stability , appointments like a part time job , 43 chemos I pushed myself to the brink for in the aim

To outlive the corned beef , time is what became precious . Those words by my oncologists under dog last week , yep he picked that moment to put me with a stranger .

“There’s nothing now that will control it.

No viable treatment options your out of options “

The goalposts have moved.

I’m not fighting cancer anymore.

It’s fighting me. It’s not in my control

. It’s fast, aggressive , rapid spreading , greedy .

Every week it changes the rules, every week it finds a new place to hurt.

It tries to squeeze into gaps that don’t exist,it pushes on nerves .

By evening the pain in my liver is savage

the kind that steals your breath and your patience.

And then there’s Tony.

Trying to make me comfortable.

That look on his face

love, despair, rage, helplessness

all rolled into one husband who vowed in sickness and in health .

This disease hasn’t just robbed me.

It’s robbed them too.

Tony and the boys are carrying invisible luggage

that weighs a bloody tonne.

They see it every day they live it every day , people ask them if they’re okay.

That male gene will always say im Fine , dig deeper because I know they need a shoulder to cry on someone to see through the male pride . Tell them this as well your mum is proud , your doing amazing, because in the hardest moments we still found laughter , determination and time . We was never the sit still family , we went , we did , we captured , we enjoyed , we didn’t don beige we did the rainbow.

Now we don’t have to make them, we’ve been sitting out night after night in my lovely shelter talking about them , reliving them and keeping them alive . I printed out lots of my fave pics to hang of those happier times which hopefully become a glance and smile as people walk by them hung up . So where are we now,

Every sunrise is a blessing.

We go day by day,

mostly dictated by pain versus medication.

There’s no point loading myself up on morphine

just to leave the house

and sit there with my eyes rolling around in my head

like a haunted doll from a charity shop.

But those who know me

know I won’t sit still.

It’s very much ADHD vs terminal cancer

and honestly?

I’m still winning on personality alone.

In so many ways, I feel grateful.

Grateful that I know my time is ticking.

Grateful that I get to do the behind the scenes stuff

that would never get done

if I’d just dropped dead of a heart attack.

I don’t have a bucket list.

I’d hate to leave it half finished.

Instead, I’ve got a “sort your shit out while still alive” list that spins round my head because I couldn’t bear to leave a half finished list . Today is Ring Land Registry and change my surname to my married name

save Tony the paperwork hell. Ive started relinquishing my rights as Jacob’s mum to schools and services

so communication goes to Tony now that broke me , swap direct debits , close bank accounts , pack my life up while I’m still living.

I’m giving things away, selling bits .

Letting go of stuff that isn’t sentimental, just done .

I even spent hours clearing my phone.

Deleting thousands of photos

you know the ones,

ten shots for one decent face.

It’s a strange concept,

erasing while still here,

but if it makes life easier for Tony,

I’ll carry the emotion that comes with it.

Then there’s the practical chaos.

I’ve always been the one who ran the house.

Tony was the provider.

I made sure that when he got home,

he only had to be Dad and Husband

not Cinderella.

Well

he’s had to step into the laundry battlefield.

To me, it’s simple

who owns what and which drawer or wardrobe it goes in.

To him it’s a minefield .

He’s putting his own clothes

in someone else’s wardrobe.

So I’ve bought everyone new boxers and socks.

Tony’s now got a brands list on his phone

so he knows who’s is who’s.

Imight even label the T-shirts.

Who’d have thought at 52

you’d need a name tag in your own clothes but if it means Jacob isn’t wearing Tony’s old fashioned comfy top he’s had for 10 years and refuses to let go of so be it .

So many people have checked in this week,

and I am endlessly grateful.

And the truth is

I am at peace with my journey although at times this week had my angry moments.

Yes, the tears come from pain from love

From knowing who I’m leaving behind

and the road they’ll walk without me.

I just hope they lean on each other.

That they find a togetherness

that sometimes feels broken. They’re all fighting in their own way. This isn’t for explanation. This is just me talking out loud. It helps. It clears the fog. It resets the fire. Because I am still burning bright.

Still loud.

Still annoying.

Still making bad decisions and some incredible ones.Life still isn’t beige.It never will be.I may be terminal…but I will never, ever be tame. And for those that keep asking how long do I have, I’ve been adamant I don’t wish to know and it’s a question that remains unanswered so please don’t ask me , the only thing in this house with an expiry is the tin of corned beef 01/04/26 and the goal still remains to outlive the beef 💪🏻💪🏻 have a fantastic day everyone , whatever your doing make it a good one . Random picture of me and Tony at the weekend . I don’t often know the right things to say to him And boy do we have petty arguments , but he’s been my absolute rock 💕💕

17 February 2026 16.18

Put my heart on the line this morning , you guys as always surrounded me with the love, the words and the understanding of where we are at 💕💕 half term week for us , no great plans , but enjoyed a trip to Angling direct to sort out Jacobs 14 th birthday in 4 weeks , mooch round Morrisons to get some pancake bits for tonight I literally spent £130 on absolute shite oh and 1 tray chicken breasts 🙈🙈 and took a wrong turn and fell

Into kfc . Empty purse , full belly and a happy kirstin , knackered now but a couple more ✔️ on the invisible list , came home to homemade scones and clotted cream on door step Gaynor Diane Shearon thank you so much as always and Clare Collinson thank you and Bailey so much for the flowers and chat . So much that people have done and continue to do doesn’t go unnoticed. Today I had a day of normal , tonight will be witching hours , but can carry through the painful

Time knowing I rode the good times 💪🏻💪🏻

18 February 2026 15.49

Due to delays in the postal System Jacob didn’t know until today that last years secret admirer followed him for a second year . Whoever you are thank you , smiles in troubled waters is defo what we all Need 💕💕

20 February 2026 11.59

Amazing nights sleep last night , energized for an early morning solo potter round cas, couple more ✔️✔️ on my invisible list , just accidentally received a email from my oncologist

That I shouldn’t have but it’s made my day to be referred to as a lovely and empowered very engaging lady , which converted into Yorkshire middle class means mouthy bird who doesn’t stop talking . Have a fantastic day everyone 💪🏻

20 February 2026 19.49

The bit you don’t see. It hit out of nowhere. The worst witching hour I’ve ever known. The kind that doesn’t just take your breath it steals your legs, flips you onto the ceiling, and leaves you there clawing at air that won’t come.

I’ve developed this Tourette’s kind of noise. A sharp little tic. A ridiculous, involuntary pig trying to hiccup I use to try and mask the screams. To soften and shield the people around me from the raw animal sound of pain ripping through a body that’s already had enough .

I can only lie on my left side. The tumour burden stretches from my pelvis to my diaphragm on the right , occupying space that really isn’t there. The sofa was the closest place to fall, so that’s where I went, no dignity just gravity and survival

Tony runs, hot water bottle morphine and blanket , I sob , the tics coming every second and the pain twisting me , I’m grateful I couldn’t see his face because I know there would have been fear there

The hot water bottle wouldn’t stay in place. I couldn’t even manage that. I lay there feeling useless, vulnerable in ways I never used to be.

So he sits back to back with me to hold it there, holding the heat where I can’t . We stay like that for as long as it takes just silence other than my stupid pig noises every few seconds back to back breathing together waiting for the pain to pass. As it finally started to subside I took this pic , the good the bad and the ugly and of course Tony will now probably see the start of his bald spot for the first time 🙈🙈

But this is us , the unseen , the rare , thankfully today has been extreme from no where , the good the bad the ugly the broken the beautiful and the in sickness and in health.

Witching hour can return because moments like these make me feel protected and loved and if Tourette’s pig noises is how I have to get through that hour so be it , I wasn’t ever gonna sob quietly. Terminal but won’t ever be tamed ,

21 February 2026 09.29

Yesterday tried to break me , it didn’t , 2 witching hours in one day , cancer the gift that keeps on giving . But you know what , them 2 hours didn’t own the day. Yesterday taught me I didn’t surrender I rolled with , I showed you the raw side , 2 bad hours didn’t define a day , because even though my maths is crap I know I had 22 fantastic hours, still did everything I’d wanted and needed to do yesterday , my glass will forever be half full , strike out the positives. Today what will it be , erm well I know I’m

Unhinged and feral so anything can happen , forever be terminal won’t ever be tamed 💪🏻 what ever your plans for the weekend make sure you make it a good one 💕

21 February 2026 15.47

Right, enough of the deep, emotional posts it’s not my style 🙈🙈 imagine if I’d actually died last night and the last thing I left on Facebook was that photo of me with pure terror in my eyes and Tony’s bald spot ,Today’s been filled with the real thrills of saturday dragging Tony round Morrisons, generously treating him to the cafe for behaving . then coming home to strip the kitchen and continue what can only be described as pre death nesting.

Which brings me to an important question,

Do I responsibly clear out the dildo collection from the back of the wardrobe, or do I leave it there so Tony can one day open it, pause, nod , look down at his own crutch and have that deep meaningful moment of thinking it’s no wonder in life whatever hit her she was always smiling 😂

Terminal but never tamed , unhinged and Ferrell, last few days of steroids . Let’s have some fun 😂😂

22 February 2026 10.41

Woohoo cracking sleep after witching hour passed , glorious day here sun shining and a nice warm feel , did debate a potter round car boot but thought nah I’ll just end up

Spending money on shite I don’t need, so ended up chilling on sofa and did a bit of online mooching 🙈🙈 £500 down , absolutely fooking winning this Sunday 😂😂😂😂 should of gone car boot 🤪

Kirstin is at White Rose Shopping Centre.

22 February 2026 14.58

Sure as hell know how to destroy my inner peace on a Sunday 🙈 survival mode activated in more ways than one but a ✔️ sorted

24 February 2026 17.54

I’ll be honest , I was terrified of being referred to the palliative care team. In my head they were the Doctors of Death, like they turn up, close the curtains and were gonna ask me what hyms , I was wrong , I’ve got the loveliest nurse Claire who speaks , listens , hears me , doesn’t rush , doesn’t make me feel like I’m dramatic or an inconvenience and defo doesn’t practice witchcraft , today she fetched a doctor because I’ve been having far too many nights where pain drags me straight into crisis territory, they stayed well over an hour which was a blessing , They listened to me and Tony, went through my medication log line by line, rewrote the whole plan, tweaked doses , and treated me like a person instead of a problem to be solved quickly.

And with any luck, these absolutely unhinged nocturnal witching pig noises my body keeps producing will finally fook off, so yeah there not doctors of death , there angels of life, the kind that show up , sit down and actually help you breathe again. Honestly for those I’ve picked up along the way on a similar journey to mine , 100% let them in

25 February 2026 06.41

Absolutely cracking nights sleep whoop whoop , although that comes at compromise to Tony’s nights sleep who ended up on sofa because of my snoring 😢 least one of us won the night and I’m pleased it was me 🙈. Have a fantastic day everyone 💪🏻

25 February 2026 09.25

Loving these milder temps this week and the lighter nights starting to kick in , you know your getting old when you sit and smile at your baggy knickers flapping in the breeze on the line knowing summer is on its way cos you can finally peg some washing out

25 February 2026 14.13

Joe nips home with yet another random side quest , he’s had so many unmatched friendships over the years but everyone fetches something different to the table, today it’s marky b , between rage room promo videos , Jess doing his tattoos and spending random times together they all

Hsve fun and that’s what you want . I was winding joe up saying well if he’s famous for his rapping I’m having a picture . So here you have it me toothless and ruthless and him the whitening incident . Always good to meet who your kids often speak about 💕

Tony Love is with Kirstin .

25 February 2026 16.38

Kirstin Love Not simply a picture of someone sleeping but a picture of determination, strength and will. Dead on her feet and she still managed to make sure an evening meal was served last night just too tired to eat her own. But I know she nodded of happy to of achieved something. Not the biggest of achievements but making sure your loved ones are happy comfortable and content is something we should all strive for and something she nails every day. Love you and your determination.

26 February 2026 11.34

3 years since I set up this iPhone and today I’ve reached the point where it’s decided im A stranger and no longer regognised my face, my own phone thinks I’m

An imposter 🙈. We all know it’s takeaways , cream buns and steroids and not that I’ve pinched the phone , think I’ve done well tbh with faces I pull at times that it’s regognised me for so long 😂😂

Kirstin is with Samuel Love.

28 February 2026 13.29

Absolutely perfect 24 hours , lovely afternoon in cleethorpes fish n chips on seafront and a mooch round shops , looks are definately deceiving with this hotel , I’ve stayed a few times and what always takes me back is the gorgeous rooms and the fantastic food , lovely night chilling in bar with Samuel and a couple of guys we migrated with them all too many pints in and me totally happy with my water and soaking up a perfect evenings , witching hour didn’t happen and I’ll forever rack my brains as to what I did different as to why it didn’t come .. Been spot on and defo the mum

And son time we needed and wanted , thank god though he took AirPods 🙈🙈 though for my snoring . planned a steady drive home this morning but as always I run into a drama, a guy riding down hard shoulder of motorway on his electric wheelchair , couldn’t drive on and leave him so rung police and got us in a position to stop and safely help him. He’d broken down miles back and with no phone he’d had to get to one of motorway phones. Lovely old guy 85 years old , police arrived but was armed response so they couldn’t put him in there vehicle , so here I am sat with Samuel busting for a wee and a cup of tea with some random old man David listening to every tale he has to tell whilst armed response try co ordinate efforts to get him his van , his electric wheelchair and himself to a place of safety while AA can come . If you can be anything in this world be kind . Living on borrowed time like I am , every night when I go bed I ask myself if today was my last one what would it of been and I’m bless cos 99% of them are 👌 live every day cos you only die once 💪🏻

Kirstin is with Carole White and Rachel Handley.

28 February 2026 14.38

I’ve always used Facebook as an outlay , a tool a source of help , at start of this journey I questioned should I do it privately as so many do with terminal illness or do I use it as my release valve , I picked the latter and said my suffering could be someone else’s survival guide but equally help them know how to help others , I’ve some amazing friends on here and I could tell you exactly how I connected with you , many I’ve not heard there voice or met in person but 100% feel like I know you all . Friday morning had a lovely coffee and catch up with Rachel Handley who came armed with cake and chocolate buttons ( ps anyone can come empty handed 😂) sadly a random witching hour hit but you know what anyone I invite into my home is because I feel comfortable with them and they Can witness the good the bed and the ugly, thank you Rachel for your understanding. Today I get home to this absolute beauty , Carole White, we connected 8 years ago when our sons started at Harrogate army college and have remained friends ever since , overwhelmed at the kindness of others and added onto Tony’s shopping list is some cream cos I can’t wait to tuck into this beauty later. Thank you everyone means the world that you think of me in yours 💕💕

1 March 2026 13.36

Today’s deep thought from a week of reflecting . There’s absolutely no mystery why male suicide rates are so high. Men don’t check in on men they claim best mate bro, they don’t ask the second question, they don’t notice the silence they don’t sit with discomfort long enough to hear what’s really being said in fact they don’t listen at all because they don’t turn up . Everything is surface level , quick message you ok , yeah mate end of.

Yet us women, clock the shift immediately, we hear it in the tone,

We see it in the withdrawal,

We know when someone needs to offload before they even say it.

We drag each other out of the house.

We say, you’re not fine and you don’t have to be, we create space to fall apart without being told to toughen up or get over it.

Men are taught silence is strength.

Emotion is weakness.

Needing support is failure.

Then everyone acts shocked when that silence turns lethal. This isn’t about women being better, it’s about women being honest about needing connection, and men being robbed of the same permission. If men don’t start showing up for each other really showing up this cycle won’t change, I’ve plenty of men on my Facebook , can you do different , it’s defo ok not to be ok and it’s defo ok to actually turn up rather than message 👌

Kirstin is with Gaynor Diane Shearon.

2 March 2026 15.06

Those who know me well know I get “Food monk on “ 😂 literally my days revolve round food . Was so looking forward to cleethorpes Friday to go to my favourite chippie there and sit eating em looking and listening to the sea . Reality was it was shut for refurbishment and the one we used wasn’t the best at all and left me with monk on which takes forever for me to shift 🙈🙈 well with gaynor currently on 1 leg and me with a free day we finally met up went wetherby whaler for take out and sat down at pugneys , wasn’t quite the sea but do you know what those couple hours were lovely , I thoroughly enjoyed the food and my belly is back smiling , thank you gaynor for always checking in on me and being a good support 💕💕

6 March 2026 11.53

To those that have noticed my silence thank you , to those that have supported me thank you, to those that have held me close while I cried thank you 💕 been a tough week and I don’t mind admitting it . Sunday was my last dose of steroids , Mondays fish n chips was the last big meal I enjoyed , for those that know me know my greatest love has always been food and especially during cancer. My energy levels have plummeted and I’m having morning nap , afternoon nap and evening nap and taken to sleeping on sofa as it’s easier and more comfortable , I’ve not shit for nearly a week and that’s causing concern as the oncologist had said would be my bowel or liver that takes me , only bonus is after not getting witching hour when I went away with Samuel on Friday and piecing together the random nights I don’t get it, it’s always the days when I was out n about all day or away , after playing dr google figured out that when I’m home I drink alot of coffee but when I’m away or out for day I don’t , so I’m Now day 6 into restricted coffee and witching hour has not returned, app it dehydrates your liver and liver capsule and triggers nerves that nothing else does , I know it’s a totally random fact for you all but you never know who amongst you will go through same one day. This post isn’t for pity me as I’ll never be a victim in my own story , the good the bad and the ugly I give you it all 💕💪🏻. Outlive the beef, the goal continues 25 days to go

7 March 2026 12.43

Decided to punish myself that little bit more today and go Freeport with Tony for an hour 😂😂🙈 was actually quite pleasant, might give him a sticker for his reward chart . Managed to put a few more ✔️ on my invisible list . Have a fantastic weekend everyone 💪🏻

8 March 2026 12.16

Happy Sunday friends, After a very long week of not doing a number 2 and the mental weight it carried that my primary tumour had compressed by bowel which at the rate it’s growing it was highly likely and one of my predicted endings imagine oh how did she die , taken out by her backlog of shit , I’m on the nhs list of no intervention not worth it just keep her comfortable with pain relief , it’s created such a mental burden for me and those closest to me who’ve all been on constant poo watch have you been yet , doubled the prescribed laxative dose and not so much as a fart , well thankfully at 5.30 this morning a weeks worth of shit was safely delivered , not even 3 flushes was enough for the mountain it created , the mental weight it’s lifted us all is well worth the grim job Tony had to do think he might of earnt a sticker 😂😂 that half hour on the loo defo been my greatest acheivement this week 🙈🙈

Terminal but not tame the good the bad and the ugly I give you it all 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is with Jacob Love.

8 March 2026 16.38

House hasn’t felt like home with Jacob being away on his cadet camp , nice chilled out evening for us all because no doubt he won’t have slept much . Proud of you Jacob for constantly pushing yourself out of your comfort zone , cadets is a fab thing for you too be part off ,

9 March 2026 08.06

Loyalty care and compassion doesn’t always come with 2 hands and 2 feet it comes with paws too 🐶🐶

Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.

9 March 2026 12.37

I had zero intention of kfc today , until my mum said to me yesterday don’t be thinking we are off kfc after your bloods , so here we are after she put kfc in my head sat in kfc 😂😂😂 I can blame her for this one , full belly happy Kirstin 💪🏻💪🏻

9 March 2026 13.46

It’s too late for me but hopefully will help the next generation of leiomyosarcoma suffers , the rare cancer I still can’t say nor spell right

10 March 2026 11.03

Now there’s night sweats and there’s night sweats , this was after an hour asleep on sofa last night 🙈 accept the state of me was dosed up on my nighttime meds so Tony was helping me get sorted , the good the bad and the ugly I give you it all 💪🏻💪🏻

10 March 2026 13.26

Defo more of a McDonald’s on the sofa than breakfast in bed kinda girl 🙈😂💪🏻

11 March 2026 11.54

Well what an absolutely upside-down couple of days it’s been.

Started with the waking up from an hours kip absolutely wet through , to then few hours later me yelling for Tony because there was a horse in the lounge and obviously he needed to come and put it away. Perfectly reasonable request at the time, I thought. Apparently not, he pacified me though by leading the pretend horse away and announcing he’d shut the door 😂😂 I do have the most random dreams and talking episodes in my sleep.

Then spent most of the next day having a full blown argument with my own body because I hadn’t farted. When your bowel is one of the things politely queuing up to take you out, no farts is not a good sign. So there I was nattering away to myself all day like a madwoman waiting for a fart to come .

lovely afternoon with Joanne we all need that friend in life that we can talk about anything and everything with. Cracking nights sleep last night until I woke myself up by farting that loudly I nearly fell off sofa . Slept on there last cpl weeks Find it so much better for me and I thinkTony’s secretly enjoying the peace .

With the farts coming thick n fast one lasting the journey from the lounge to the kitchen this it’s safe to say the bowel back operational.

For now. 🙈

Had a nice little potter round Castleford this morning and wrapped a few more of the “dead gifts”. Strange concept really buying meaningful presents for the people you love for when you’re not here anymore. I know they’ll absolutely love what they’ve got and I’d give anything to see their faces when they open them. But sadly that’s not to be , and in many senses it’s where I feel blessed that I know my clock is ticking and been able to do things like this

Anyway Mum’s popping round soon, and then hopefully I’ll squeeze in a nap so I’m looking all fresh faced and when Jacob gets home from school.

Never thought I’d say this but today’s victory is proudly brought to you by a very loud fart.

Have a good day everyone 😂

Terminal but never tame , the good the bad and the smelly I give you it all 💪🏻💪🏻

12 March 2026 14.35

Ten oversized knicker on the washing line,

Ten oversized knickers on the washing line,

And the wind went WHOOOSH across the garden

Now there’s nine oversized knickers on the washing line. 😂😂

13 March 2026 08.08

Today’s intention , breakfast out and little shopping trip with Tony after a fab 12 hour sleep , today’s reality staying home with a poorly Jacob, very lucky he’s not a kid that’s often hit down with ought but this cough n cold knocked the stuffing outta him

14 March 2026 15.40

Nice little mooch this morning round pontefract with Tony and Jacob , was defo a slow n steady with plenty of sittting . Think it’s one of our only towns that is busy, lovely to bump into Karen , Andrea and Mia for a rattle. Glorious weather amazing how much a bit of sun can do. Now for some sofa surfing whilst watching pearl harbour and hoping all the pain killers kick in , have a fab weekend everyone 💪🏻

14 March 2026 16.45

Sat wondering who’s taught the sweet innocent little Pablo 🦜 to say what the fuck your doing 😂😂 he’s defo the gift that keeps on giving 🙈🙈

Joseph Love is with Kirstin.

15 March 2026 00.23

Happy Mother’s Day thanks for everything you do I don’t show you it enuff but I do reallt appreciate you mum. I’m proud of how well you’ve handled everything that you’ve been through lately and I hope I can be as strong as you one day. You’ve been my rock growing up and raised me into the absolute weapon sex machine I am today and I’ve taken a lot of it for granted so I just wanted to take today to tell you it means lot to me. Every time I’ve been a walking liability you’ve been the first person I could call even when I thought I broke my nob ahaha. Love you forever mum 🍟🎩🚀👍🏿🧑‍🦲

15 March 2026 09.07

When your laxatives are faster than your legs 😂😂😂😂😂 the good the bad and the ugly 🙈🙈

Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Indiya Rose at Ancient Foresters.

18 March 2026 14.40

Dinner time with some of my favourites . Lovely catch up and full baby equals happy Kirstin

19 March 2026 17.45

Woo hoo receiving better deliveries than most people get on their birthdays. Huge shoutout to the army mums I met 8 years ago, still showing up, still thoughtful, still absolute legends. Meanwhile, some of you can’t even reply to a text from last week. If this is my “final chapter,” at least it’s got good snacks, great people, and zero tolerance for half-hearted humans. Moral of the story: choose your circle wisely… they might outlast your diagnosis, terminal but never tame , grateful to the ones who not only we’re part of my 43 chapters but in my ending too , forever grateful for the love that surrounds me 💕

21 March 2026 13.01

Happy 14 th birthday Jacob , today has come with a whole heap of emotions but the biggest of being pride . Throughout the shitstorm you continue to be true to who you are , love always and forever mum x x

22 March 2026 12.51

The good the bad and the ugly , at least when your fat your fat and in control of it should you wish to be , when your tumour ridden solid fat in your stomach there’s sweet f all you can do about it , I do get some looks though when out n about on my feet grey hair and looking 9 mths pregnant 😂😂 , a shag been last thing on my mind for 2.5 years let alone pregnancy , suprised I don’t topple over when im out n about 🙈 oh and how cute r my Easter pjs from asda 💕

Kirstin is with Joanne Louisa.

22 March 2026 17.24

My bestie better than yours. Can’t beat a meals on wheels service for me. Full Belly happy Kirstin 💕💕 thank you Joanne for being at my side for nearly 40 years

25 March 2026 at 07:12

Well that’s been a weird few days , hallucinations are fun to watch but defo no fun to have , hospital thankfully put the pieces today and we know what’s gone wrong. Back to the world of the living today and thankfully no horses in the lounge 🙈🙈 bright side though they’ve put me on short term steroids to try get this inflammation under a bit more control , let’s see whether they unleash the ferrel in me , thank you to those that pushed me outta door to hosp as I was doing my usual I’ll be right , to Tony Joanne and Lauren for creating the laughter , 7 days to go 💪🏻💪🏻 outlive the beef

25 March 2026 at 12:30

Regardless of reason I bought it , thoroughly recommend it for anyone with teenagers , great fun and gives a real insight

Kirstin is eating lunch with Tony Love at Harvester.

26 March 2026 at 13:42

Woohoo temporarily out of pjs and off the sofa , so pleased when everyone told me to rest I never did cos now my body will allow me to do nothing but rest and I kid you not it’s bloody boring , my body is broken and every step feels like it’s taken with legs filled with iron , but enough of the moaning I won’t be a victim In my own story . Lovely meal out with Tony, he’s been given a few days off as he’s struggling , must be hard through his eyes to see the strongest one suddenly the weakest and his future life path suddenly changed , but for now food is my priority , been weeks since I’ve had a appetite , thankfully steroids have temporarily fetched them back so laden back up with my favourite things and a belly full of meat oh and tumours , got to try stop that coffin lid closing , everyday is previous reach out and grab it by the balls , I’m pleased I always did , rinse every moment cos one day it’s those little moments that matter the most 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is at Spring Green Nurseries Garden Centre.

27 March 2026 at 12:15

Full belly happy Kirstin , nanna nap and morphine time 😋😋

28 March 2026 at 11:38

Well soon as I can be arsed to climb what now feels like 28 steps to get dresssed gonna have a run to Tesco to grab some shopping and Easter eggs for lads , 1 each maybe 2. Easter used to mean something. Seems Easter has turned into Christmas part 2, Parents out here building full blown Easter baskets like they’re competing in the Olympics of overcompensation , mountains of chocolate, toys, gifts for what exactly, Half these kids think Easter is about a rabbit that somehow lays eggs. Make it make sense.Not a clue about sacrifice, resurrection, or why the day even exists just sugar highs and Amazon deliveries. t’s not Easter anymore, it’s a sponsored event by Cadbury and pure consumer guilt. If you’re going to go all out, at least teach them what it’s actually about otherwise you’re just raising tiny people who think every holiday = presents on demand.But Happy Easter. Enjoy the chocolate coma and tripping up over your kids plastic tat.

Terminal but never tame , tiny bit of ferral streaming through the steroids 💪🏻💪🏻😂

29 March 2026 at 08:15

Woohoo clocks changed , means I lost an hour of pain , f knows what pain got me yest but worst it’s ever been , sobbing my heart out , spannered up on everything I could take , but today’s a fresh new day , enjoy it 💪🏻💪🏻

29 March 2026 at 13:12

There’s a certain level of friendship where it’s never are you ok it’s I know your not ok so get that kettle on, the door doesn’t need knocking on open house always . No pretending. No forcing positivity , no it will be ok , you’ve seen the best parts of me and sadly you’re having to see the worst parts. I won’t get better , we won’t revisit the past holidays , the carefree nights out , but what we will have is the love we’ve shared for so many years , the memories , the good times the bad times and every bit in between . Deep friendships don’t need words silence is sometimes enough . Look after those closest too you because those are the ones who don’t step back when things get at the worst no matter how hard things are for them to see , there the ones that step forward and without a word you know there with you till the end and beyond 💕💕💕 look after your best friends , there the family we picked , blood defines nothing

30 March 2026 at 09:41

Woohoo hello Monday , half term so can only mean no alarms which we definately need , no big half term plans for us , zero energy in my body to do a thing other than rest and give orders 🙈🙈. Appreciating the little things become so much bigger than the big things , I’ve relented and getting a wheelchair delivered tommorrow , hopefully that will mean we can get out n about on the weekends when Tony’s home , bit of role reversal him Pushing me around 😂😂 and as the month draws to a close can only mean one thing , 2 more sleeps to the ultimate mission , outlive the beef 💪🏻 can’t wait to see everyone’s tea pictures on 1 st April , those that have supported and spurred me on to outlive the can, defo looking forward to my corned beef ash . Can’t bloody wait

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

30 March 2026 at 13:10

Cancer finally gave something back, leg hair. Yeah. That. The absolute horror the other night in hospital when my very cute oncologist, Joe, casually asks to feel my legs and boom there it is. Something I haven’t seen in 2.5 years. Mortified doesn’t even cover it. So naturally, this week’s mission became: bath shave. Now, for context I haven’t had a proper bath in months. My stomach’s like a football, my arms are basically decorative at this point thanks to muscle wastage, and the whole idea was ambitious at best. But stubborn old Kirstin decided it was happening. Cue PTSD tears before I’d even taken my knickers off, because I knew it was gonna hurt. But once I was in The hot water, the pain relief , the normality , the little things we all take for granted. Then the reality hits how the fook Am I getting out .

Between me and Tony it turned into a full on comedy sketch. I remember our younger days when bath time would be part of a sexy night . Was nothing sexy about this , Slipping, struggling, zero dignity left, tits, fanny flaps, the lot, absolute carnage. But somehow, we did it. Did it once.

Actually enjoyed the middle part relaxing .

Lady shave successfully completed and legs all smooth and bath looks like I’ve skinned a cat will I be doing it again, Absolutely not, lady shave on order from Amazon . The good the bad the ugly I give you it all . Ferrel and honest to the bitter end and , never be tamed 👍🏻👍🏻😂😂

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

30 March 2026 at 18:51

Woohoo . Congratulating Tony on upgrading from beans on toast top level skill to a roast lamb dinner . See good things do come outta bad situations , I ain’t hanging my apron up yet though 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

31 March 2026 at 08:32

Today will mainly be spent thinking wtf happened last night , how the fook can pain get to the level it takes your breath away and leaves you a screeching gibberish crawling wreck, maxed myself out on everything and more , but equally today’s biggest thought will be just 1 more sleep , from a terminal diagnosis 30 months ago to outliving a tin of corned beef , one goal , one mission 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.

31 March 2026 at 15:26

Woo hoo new wheels have arrived. Wonder who’ll tip me out of it first , this defo isn’t about giving up it’s about not having to give up , not having to abandon a trip mid way through because my legs are like lead and zero energy , every decision will always be to try keep a quality of life, to enjoy the freedom and time outta house I crave , I’m defo not a sofa surfer doesn’t suit me. The days may be limited for me but doesn’t mean I can’t make best use of them , one at a time. Slight medication change as well so hopefully a better balance and last night won’t be repeated cos it was horror and fear for not just me but tony as well , thankfully he’s been able to have the day off today , so good that he’s understanding bosses that treat him as a person not a payroll number and are so supportive of what’s going on behind the scenes in life at minute 💪🏻

Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.

1 April 2026 at 12:18

This ain’t no April fools , Kirstin you bloody did it 💪 31 months ago I walked through bexly wing doors for the first time and walked straight into a sentence, incurable, terminal, six months if I did nothing. Pelvis, liver, lung it had already made itself at home had leiomyosacoma. That was the day everything changed. Time stopped endless thing and turned into something sharp, loud, ticking in my ears. A few days later I fancied a corned beef sarnie. Simple normal human thing to want , We didn’t have any, so off I went, grabbed a tin, checked the date and it hit me like a brick. That tin had a longer expiry date than me. And just like that operation “outlive the beef” was born. Not a wedding. Not a milestone. Not some picture perfect ending. Just me vs a stubborn little tin. Petty Maybe. Unhinged Absolutely. But it was mine. 43 rounds of chemo later.Countless days of dragging myself through hell.Pushing my body, my mind, and let’s be honest my family right to the brink. That tin haunted me. Drove me. Mocked me. Carried me. There were days I wanted to quit. Days I was empty. Days I was scared shitless. But I wasn’t going to be a victim in my own story. Not before I won. And I didn’t do it alone. My tight circle you know who you are you’ve been everything. You’ve laughed with me, checked on me when I went quiet, held me up when I was wobbling, and loved me through the chaos. You don’t fight like a lion unless you’ve got a pride behind you and mine is elite. Now my time is very limited, I’m no longer fighting cancer cancer is fighting me . Every sunrise hits different. Every moment matters in a way I can’t even explain. But listen when I go, I’m not going quietly.

I’m going like a firework.

And I hope what I leave behind isn’t just the sad bits. I hope it’s the madness, the humour, the honesty, the feral energy. I hope you remember that even in the worst moments, there’s still something to grab onto. Still a reason to laugh. Still a way through.People told me to rest. To slow down. To be careful, I didn’t , I refused to sit still while I still had a body that could move, even if it was falling apart while doing it. And nowNow I rest. Not because I want to but because I’ve emptied the tank completely.

And you know what I wouldn’t change a thing.

This life was never a dress rehearsal. You get one shot. One messy, chaotic, beautiful chance. And I’ve lived mine loud.

We’ve all got a clock ticking you just don’t hear yours yet. I did. And in a strange way, that’s a gift. I got to make sure I said what mattered, did what I could, and left things a little easier for the people I love.

Anyway enough of the emotional talk. I fucking did it , squeezed every last drip of my 6 mth prediction to outlive a can of corned beef . One goal. One mission. Outlive the beef.

As I scroll my news feed today and see all the corned beef on the go in so many houses , the donations you’ve made to food banks and it’s all for my goal , the tears are gently falling as so many of you have been nothing but inspiring to me , known the right words and been such a massive part of this journey, I literally don’t have the words that will ever be enough 💕💕Kirstin you absolute stubborn, feral legend you did it 💪🏻outlive the beef

Terminal but never tame , the good the bad the ugly I give you it all, still ain’t a beige life 👍🏻👍🏻

1 April at 20:07

Not often I get overwhelmed but today you lot have absolutely rocked my world. The love I have felt and you lot right behind me in my one goal one mission out live the beef 💪🏻💪🏻 my Facebook scroll has been full of nothing but inspiring messages , gorgeous food pictures and nothing but love for me 💕 I’ve not had chance to reply everyone but after today a day of rest is definately needed tommorrow and I’m gonna go through every message and every post , tell you something tonight I go to bed with a belly full of corned beef and a heart full of love , from the bottom of my heart thank you , means so so much

2 April 2026 at 08:43

Slept the best I’ve slept in days last night . Think it was powered by love and admiration from so many people . Honestly if me being open about my journey is helping others on there’s for me that totally worth what I’m going through . What’s on the menu today 🙈🙈 I enjoyed my corned beef ash that much yesterday think I’ll do a re run of it today . God I’ve missed having it this past 31 mths 💪🏻💪🏻 whatever your plans today make it a good one 💕

2 April 2026 at 13:49

Only just seen this because of the amount of posts yesterday . Absolutely love it , from a great friend Sarah and the best cafe in Wakefield , cafe 19 give them a bash . My go to order is heathy breakfast with fried bread , black pudding and extra beans 🙈🙈 are you open Saturday cos my taste buds now tingling

2 April 2026 at 16:10

One week yes one week of Tony being in sole charge of washing and ironing and the system has collapsed. Jacob had one of Tony’s pyjama tops lovingly pressed and filed away in his wardrobe like who even irons pj tops oh yes someone who thinks Tesco pjs deserve the ironed slots like all Jacobs expensive sports wear . Meanwhile, approximately ten pairs of joggers are now in a lawless pile of who even owns these where ownership is merely a suggestion and survival of the fittest waistband applies.

This man is now debating a sharpie to go with his vibes and chaos.

Honestly, thank God his work gave him pre death compassionate leave because I am getting front row seats to the absolute fuckery that is about to unfold. This is no longer a household, it’s a social experiment. New life goal stay alive long enough to witness the exact moment he picks up a pair of Tesco Finest boxer shorts, looks at them and thinks yes there defo mine. Terminal but never tame , on the double dose steroids . Let the unhinged begin 😂😂😂😂

3 April 2026 at 09:17

Well I had a good nights sleep on the sofa . Tony however was having to round up a stray horse and chase down the pork scratching thief. God I do love morphine fuelled nights 😂😂 quick trip to wakey this morning check out my new wheels and I’m sure they’ll be a breakfast to be had somewhere 💪🏻 have a fab day everyone

3 April 2026 at 10:17

Imagine being stuck on the loo cos you’ve no physical strenght to push yourself up from it , mobile rings unknown number it , answer it and it’s someone to check is there anything they can do to make life easier , well as it happens im stuck on loo while talking to you so a raiser toilet seat may be a good idea 😂😂😂

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

3 April 2026 at 13:08

First outing with the wheelchair , jeez that gonna take some getting used to , Tony’s secretly wishing when he declared at new year he was going to do couch to 5 k that he’d of gone further than the couch part , he did however quickly master the Tony’s money saving wheelchair hack where he pushed me that fast round m and s I didn’t get chance to even look let alone grab out , spoons brekkie full belly happy Kirstin , I look a right state but who cares everyone of our end goals is either pile of ash or coffin of bones 😂😂😂

4 April 2026 at 09:18

Woohoo good morning , wish my brain would transfer some of the energy from my head into my legs this morning , what’s on my mind this morning , well food as always , whatever your doing today make it a good one , days matter to us all , that small clock is ticking 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is at Yeadon Tarn. (Samuel and Jacob spent the previous night fishing, so we went up the following lunch time with fish and chips)

4 April 2026 at 15:49

Only fish they’ve seen at side of lake today 😂😂😂

5 April 2026 at 10:56

After a cracking nights sleep it’s Easter Sunday and my big celebration rabbit ear crumpets. Gourmet, obviously but as always left me questioning why they was 25 p more for less crumpet cos they stole the trimmings .

I will NOT be elbowing my way through a rammed garden centre like it’s the last place on earth selling compost just because it’s open today despite having had, oh I don’t know, the other 52 weeks of the year to go.

I will NOT be sat watching my kids treat it like Christmas 2.0, tearing into mountains of chocolate toys and clothes without a clue why Easter even exists

And I DEFINITELY won’t be clocking in for the annual pilgrimage to visit that one long distance relative we only remember is alive on bank holidays.

Nah. It’s me, my crumpets, and a solid commitment to doing absolutely none of that other than kick back on sofa , watch some crap and devour a bag of Percy pigs .

Peace out. Have a great day.Terminal… but never tame. Say what you think now why wait till your death bed . Oh shit I’m already on it 🙈🙈😂😂😂

5 April 2026 at 13:10

Woohoo. Packed up the “ not dead yet bus “ last year and said a goodbye to it in my head as 2026 was defo the year I shouldn’t of woken into , but here we are , times limited , adventures will be few but you know what even if it’s a night in York it’s time away . But what I love more than ever is my absolute steroid fuelled purchase , the WTF have I done , Joseph I think I’ve just spent thousands on your bca account , what’s your dad gonna say , and I might even re share his pic 🙈 , it’s created adventures for everyone , will create memories for them whilst ever it’s still running and hopefully give them so much joy , Joseph and Jess have had it out last couple weekends and that makes me happy , sometimes being a spectator is enough 💕💕

7 April 2026 at 17:47

Some bonds will Never be broken , childhood friendships last beyond the end , memories never be forgotten 💕💕

8 April 2026 at 11:40

Ain’t gonna lie last couple days have been horrific and after the long fight to outlive the corned beef this past few days I’ve questioned whether I could outlive an Aldi tomato but got to ride the bad days , life on the sofa been boring especially in this glorious weather knowing that this time last year I’d of been down allotment digging away getting ready for season ahead , but we can’t look back we can only look forward and go grab them onwards days by the bollocks , happy I’ve managed to get an hour round Castleford with Tony , reset that mental clock and restock the fridge of cream buns which I currently don’t eat but like the comfort of them being there 🙈🙈 to everyone that’s messaged , dropped round and offered us support I thank you , at times I wish I was an octopus so I could hold everyone’s hand at same time . To Tony and the boys who are trying to stay so strong despite having to witness at times things they shouldn’t have too but it’s the circle of life, onwards we try march making the most of every moment we have , the good the bad the ugly and definately the most precious 💕 whatever your plans are today this week this year , make it a good

8 April 2026 at 18:59

Kirstin decided to over dose on steroids today just to see if they put any more energy in to her totally drained tank, yep they’ve worked great on my mouth and my spending, Kirstin decided after seeing the joy and love the rabbit fetched to Joanne that she needed to back on the jellycat site and buy a whole small holding of animals , she also decided she needed to put weight on everyone’s lips and go buy everyone a box of her fave pip expenditure from Her fave bakers so they can have a reminder of her fave buns , Kirstin will Also be totally ignorant to the endless deliveries that will turn up at the door tommorrow declaring she had no clue must of been spangled on steroids , but Kirstin’s had a happy day so that makes it worthwhile 😂😂😂

9 April 2026 at 16:48

Mum, Dad, Samuel, Joseph, Jacob.People spend their lives chasing the big things.but it’s the small ones,the ones that hold the memories that matter the most.And this to me is everything 💕💕

10 April 2026 at 10:05

Only in Castleford is it acceptable to push someone’s wheelchair out the way at the bakers then tap them on the head as a thank you , if my ankles weren’t like tree trunks I’d of been straight out my wheelchair and unhinged 😡😡

10 April 2026 at 19:08

Had the most perfect day , family , friends and love , Tony Sam and joe away fishing in motorhome for night and ive my sister here for night for some quality time. Beautiful Chinese to finish off the day and a cream donut for later, if there’s anything I’m More determined about it I won’t be taking my last breath on an empty stomach , need to leave this earth with a stomach of my favourite things , terminal but never tame, my dark thoughts I give to you all 💪🏻💪🏻

Kirstin is with Jacob Love and 7 others

11 April 2026 at 19:20

The good the bad the ugly , had a lovely 24 hours just chatting , chilling and embracing those nearest and dearest too me , times like that we all need to treasure and Tony enjoyed his 24 hours recharge with Samuel and Jacob. For past few days I’ve not been able to get upstairs as I’ve water retention making my legs like lead and struggling to walk plus my energy levels are so low everything a struggle , I fell In the night last night and felt totally useless that I couldn’t get myself up And really panicked and sobbed , everyday this beast is taking something from Me . But flip side we always have to look For positives in shit times . With a plan I made it out , went to rassams to satisfy a need , cheers dwp for the blood money , never had savoury after main but all I wanted after icecream Was a cheeseburger 🙈 so here’s too another day we managed , another day we had to figure out a new plan and another day I totally felt the love

12 April 2026 at 17:53

Got to take the wins , only places I’m Comfy is laid on my left side on the sofa or sat in my garden chair listening to the pond and the birds , today’s hail Shower didn’t affect my hour sat outside because the shelter the lads build with love kept me dry 💕💕

12 April 2026 at 18:54

And so it begins , weird thing is who do we actually raise money for in doing it , I’ve found every cancer charity an absolute shit show and let down at so many levels . My thinking is the food bank as one thing I’ve never been on this journey is hungry , I’ve literally eaten my way through it determined not to look the shrink wrapped skeleton that so many do when I walk in that hospital . But is it a weird prospect getting a book published about cancer but raising money for a food bank

Id value everyone’s honest opinion

13 April 2026 at 09:26

Today’s biggest pain coming from sweating like a pig , my 2 bellies sticking together and me having to slowly unpeel them 😂😂 the good the bad the ugly I give you it all, terminal but never be tame 🙈🙈

13 April 2026 at 19:06

Today has been a pure Mixture of absolute emotion , nearly 5 years ago you took your last breath dad , on your final day they inserted you a syringe driver and from the minute it started running you slowly and peacefully passed away . My pain regardless of what we’ve tried and doses we’ve pushed to it’s still not just control and the thoughts are because of my tumour burden my body just isn’t absorbing the morphine right, it’s taken 5 days of tears and questioning because of the Visions I’ve had of my dad , but I’ve pulled finally my big girls pants up and hope and pray this helps , because something has to change because the painful days aren’t only just hard for me but those around me too . The good the bad the ugly I give you it all 💪🏻💪🏻

14 April 2026 at 08:10

Well first night with the syringe driver I bet a few of you did the subtle morning check little scroll of my Facebook to see if I’d quietly disappeared overnight cos I’d expected it myself too 😂😂well I slept like a log and woke up hungry. Already 3 crumpets deep and carrying on out of pure spite. Still here. Still eating. Still inconvenient, still never tame 🙈🙈

Kirstin is with Joanne Louisa and Tony Love.

14 April 2026 at 17:57

To you lot it will Be why the happiness at going to Castleford which is like a scene from living dead. To me I escaped the 4 walls , my village supported Me, I picked my own food and own Cream buns 😜 ended up with massive anxiety load in Iceland and cried like a baby at prospect of getting back in car but we won they let me win they supported me and had all The patience in the world , absolutely wrecked now and won’t be much more outta me today so I’ll wish you all good night , another day we got through , oh and the urgent bloods requested last Wednesday that they didn’t actually take till Yesterday reveals an infection , seems standard practice for them to make me wait . Terminal Never be tame , lots of cream buns for me 💪🏻💪🏻

Tony Love is with Kirstin.

15 April 2026

What started as a good day with kirstin turned bad, her new meds being delivered by morphine driver is under way and her steroids being delivered by injection now due to her organs unable to process the drugs anymore. The switch over has meant more pain than usual while the switch over happens. She is sleeping loads more than usual so if you message and she doesn’t reply it’s because she is able to use her phone less and less with each passing day. This morning has been horrific, well last 24 hours have been but she is now settled and please respect the privacy at this time. Thanks so much for all the support that’s always been there.

Kirstin is with Joanne Louisa and Tony Love.

16 April 2026 at 08:01

Well im still alive for those checking 🙈 Yesterday can honestly get in the bin. What started as a woke up great im off out for breakfast fast kind of morning turned into me screaming absolute gibberish, folded on the sofa like a broken deckchair with Joanne and Tony over me saying what the fuck is happening .

Massiveshoutout to the nurses who game in, knocked me out, and basically said let her sleep the day away now and I did Came round about 5ish feeling human again, pain finally gone, and managed to eat a lovely tea Tony made. Honestly, my people are everything. The way they all showed up not just for me but for each other meant more than I can put into words. Now let’s talk pain relief and constipation it’s bad you don’t go for days .

Anyway, the urge finally arrived. It was go time. Operation Commode was underway

Tony gets me set up, I’m sat there like the Queen surveying her kingdom giving instructions on what needs doing in kitchen m an’s doing his absolute best while I’m redecorating the room from a portable toilet.

I ask him to leave so I can have a shred of dignity while wiping. Even sent my bestie a cheerful im upright selfie yes, on the loo, because she loves that for her and then the commode betrayed me I lean forward it leans forward suddenly I’m on my knees in the kitchen, commode flat on my back and all I can think is where is that 4 day event I’ve worked so hard for.

Tony’s stood there wide eyed. I’m screaming. The commode’s down, my pants are down and all dignity has left the room but somehow not a single bit of turd escaped .

Cue absolute panic me half naked on the kitchen floor, dead weight, poor Tony trying to problem solve a situation no man has ever trained for.

In the end we had to call Samuel. Not a moment I ever wanted the lads involved in but he handled it with so much love and care I could’ve cried

Last night got to me. It’s cruel how things get taken away bit by bit. The independence, the privavcy the bloody ability to sit on a toilet without it turning into a stunt scene.

But here’s the thing every day is a fresh day.

And it’s exactly why I rinse the good days for everything they’ve got because the bad days?

They can fuck ALL the way off.

Terminal but never tame

The good the bad the ugly I give you it all 🙈🙈😂😂💪🏻💪🏻

Have a smashing day everyone

Kirstin is with Joanne Louisa and Tony Love at The Winding Wheel, Harvester In C

16 April 2026 at 13:59 (Kirstin in her wellness club t-shirt)

My shirt is like a joke from Blackpool 😂😂 honestly people take and make use of the good hours you get in life I defo do , lovely meal out with Joanne and Tony , full belly happy Kirstin

16 April 2026 at 17:13

So the community nurse had to come back out becauseI’m now out here trying to drown in my own spit Can’t cough deep enough to clear it, and when I do it hurts. We also had the how is your pain chat to which I said I’ve had to take extra morphine cos I’m in pain and discomfort and can’t get settled without pain on sofa . 2 minutes later it suddenly clicks WHY I might be uncomfortabe i’ve inhaled:2 full plates of salad, 8oz steak, half a chicken, king prawns a whole jacket potato so you can imagine I’m pretty full balancing it between a stomach full of tumours , we laugh we belly laugh cos suddenly it clicks into place

Terminal but never tame If I’m going out, I’m going out well and slightly overstuffed 💪🏻🙈 Anyway we’re gonna talk about it tommorrow when they come again , Wonder if I’ll ever hit my slimming world target 😂😂 Fattie till the end

Kirstin is with Tony Love.

16 April 2026 at 19:39

Like a baby me have a long nap and come to life 😂😂 2 weeks ago work started him on the she’s not dead yet but will be soon kinda leave 🙈 we looked at each other in horror how is this gonna work but with how quick things have gone downhill thank fuck they made that decision for us, eternally grateful , we’ve used the time wisely , he’s learnt how to cook some great stuff , he’s mastered who’s are who’s socks and pants but most importantly he’s done so much for me with care and compassion even when I am on my knees with a commode over my back which held a 4 day shit and didn’t lose a bit 😂😂😂 today lesson was go harvestor . Just before you finish your meal fill up your salad bowl to busting and then ask for a container for 10p to take home your tiny bit of leftover chicken , then when they’ve left your table tip in your bowl of fresh salad and hey presto you’ve a lovely tea for 10 pence , always be Mrs barcode me , saving money where you can , enjoy your tea tony 🙈🙈😂😂💪🏻

20 April 2026 12.12

Kirstin passed early Monday morning at 12.12 am, she was surrounded by everyone she wanted there. She fought knowing she would one day not loose, but would fall to the cancer that had consumed so much of her body but never her spirit. Cancer never took her as a person and she defined her own life and her own end. She opened her eyes one last time, saw us all there and went. I hope she found her dad and I hope she finds the peace and is free from the pain this life put her through, but as she said to me “we built a wonderful life together, and we have each other”.

Your ashes will be released as promised and how this story started, at Primrose valley where we set your dad free XXXXX