About the Text
Kirstin wrote most of her posts on her mobile phone — often in hospital on chemo, late at night, or during difficult days. Some entries contain spelling slips, autocorrect errors, or rushed phrasing. These have been left exactly as she wrote them. They are part of her voice, her humour, her Yorkshire character, and the reality of the moments she was living through.
The intention of this book is to preserve her words, not polish them. Every entry reflects her strength, her honesty, and the immediacy of her journey.
Anthony Love
(the scattering of Kirstins dads ashes.)
Kirstin Cullen is with Ann Cullen at Primrose Valley.
3 June 2023 16.31
Loving you always forgetting you never . Today the breeze took you, over the cliffs at the place you loved so much , a place where I’ve so many happy memories of childhood with you and will always be our family place 💕💕 lovely fish and chips after in Bridlington where the sun shone for us all
12 July 2023 19.23
Chasing a woman accross the live lanes of m62 really wasn’t in mine and samuels plans tonight , neither was listening to her screaming about a civil war in bradford that’s looming . Let’s hope whatever is causing her episode she gets the help for
13 July 2023 08.30 ·
Honestly can’t knock queen street surgery . 8.05 i messaged then and they’ve just responded with an appointment for 11 am , always great service
5 August 2023 14.39
Proper motivated this week , cracking off the to do list , weird sense of calm washed over me this week after finally finding that pain I’ve been in for way too long has a reason , ain’t all in my head and I ain’t going crackers , another Ct scan booked tomoz and hopefully quickly get a diagnosis and a plan for the 6 cm mass that’s decided to take up residence in me ,
Kirstin is at Pinderfields Hospital.
6 August 2023 16.41
Contrast Ct scan done , what a weird sensation that was when dye went in , let’s see what news results bring next week
18 August 2023 14.17
Woohoo Jacob buzzing with his premium bond win, nice to be delivered good news for once
18 August 2023 15.27
Urgent Ct scan results are back , results should determine what path I’m on . Sadly doctors only process results 8-10 am and mine arrived at 11 am so can’t have them till Monday 🙄🙄 a health service on its knees
19 August 2023 10.51
Woohooo not. Starting the weekend with infection and temperature , least I managed to sleep last night . Need to get motivated to go get prescription seen as chemist closed last night and then muster up a big of energy to potter round the house today although defo not much go in me
21 August 2023 17.36
Well today wasn’t the news I hoped for but the news I expected . Too finally find out the reason I’ve had this mystery pain is a relief but I’m well aware the path I’m now facing is no easy journey and I’m forever grateful for a good circle of people that surround me . Don’t send me sympathy send me strenght and help me kick cancer in the butt 💕
29 August 2023 11.29
(John is my mums second husband who at this point is in a nursing home with dementia. Kirstin and John were really close for many years)
Sometimes your heart takes you where your head try’s to keep you away from 💕 John oblivious to my presence but happy to have me around . Nice to have a chat with all staff and i know regardless he’s loooked after and cared for
30 August 2023 13.31
When doctors first question is always are you losing weight without trying , hell no , never ending gain at Min , take more than cancer to put me off my food 🙈
1 September 2023 09.56
Butlins bound , final push of the summer holidays ready for us both to face fresh challenges next week , I know we are both gonna smash it 💕💕 calm before the storm of high school and the big c .
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
2 September 2023 20.29
Would say chilled out day but without any effort the fit bit has clocked 6 miles no wonder I’m tired 😴 thank you mum for taking Jacob on the rides , secretly though I think you’ve loved them
4 September 2023 12.33
Home sweet home after a fab weekend at butlins , thank you so much mum for stepping up so Jacob could still have the exact weekend we had planned , been a lovely weekend and now ready to face the next chapter 💕
Kirstin Cullen is feeling positive with Tony Love at Pontefract Hospital.
6 September 2023 09.54
Jacob safely off to High school back amongst his friends and I know he’ll have a fab support network 💕 can only mean one thing though , also marks the start of my journey , full bloods ready for first procedure next week. Listen to your body’s people , for me as much as I have had a pain for 15 mths that floats around there had been other warning signs that I dismissed and felt was just natural / normal for my age , was only upon speaking with liver surgeon yep the one organ I’ve protected in life did certain things click into place , have you been suffering night sweats , well yes I have been but at 45 years old thought it was that time of life, excessive tiredness well yes I’ve a family of 5 and let’s just say life is chaos , the list goes on . Our bodies often try to tell us a story but we just don’t listen and push on . It’s only when we finally put all the pieces together can we complete the jigsaw . Have a fantastic day everyone and thank you for your continued support and love
6 September 2023 12.22
Housework , decorate bedroom or allotment, only ever gonna be one winner on a glorious day like today ☀️ gently productive hour in my happy place
10 September 2023 12.21
What a rubbish start to a Sunday , Jacob coming upstairs mum why is there water gushing out in kitchen , water quickly turned off , mop buck after mop bucket filled , shaun bless him quickly came and sorted plumbing out and now trying to get things dry and sorted , lounge carpet wet through and loads of stuff in under stairs cupboard ruined , happy frigging days , back in bits , gladly have an afternoon nap but bed now at the tip ready for new one arriving in a few days 😩😩
13 September 2023 17.16
So pleased the care in the nhs is better than the food 🤢🤢. Thank f I’ve the reserves to miss a meal , defo gonna smash this pizza tonight , thank you everyone for your well wishes today , I’m uncomfortable more than in pain , thank you to my mum for taking me and Joanne helping me escape early 😂 screw you cancer , you won’t take my spirit and defo won’t take my appetite 😜💪🏻💪🏻
14 September 2023 04.48
Up before the sun . New bed day woohoo been hard work sleeping on floor past week , thankfully joseph gave up his bed for me last night , god job as I felt I’d been hit by a bus so no chance of getting on floor . Operation lounge next , ideally wasn’t gonna be done till Christmas but this weekends flood made us fast forward that plan , keep throwing us lemons and we will just make more lemonade 🙈💕💕
14 September 2023 15.13
Safe to say Jacobs settled well into high school . The worries we had going from the goldfish bowl into the pond have so far not been an issue , great to see him getting some positive comments and recognition , well done Jacob 💕
14 September 2023 19.38
Proper dinner didn’t hit the spot as had in my head wanted keema mince with peas and Chappatis , it’s just been delivered no peas no chappatis and resembles yesterdays nhs meal , cheese on toast it is then 🙈
16 September 2023 18.36
Knew my hubbie was a Nesbit but seriously mashed potato sandwiches 🤢🤢
17 September 2023 20.11
And breathe , operation sick bed completed , and now operation flood underway , Tony can’t wait to get back abroad for a rest
19 September 2023 17.37
Sometimes you just need a keepsake, something to hold onto forever , the last words my dad ever wrote into a card for me 2 days before he passed , lovingly transferred to a keyring , thank you so much to my lovely street family Natalie Watson, through her own grief at losing her brother ryan she makes special keepsakes 💕💕 all her items are posted on insta
20 September 2023 10.00
Todays negative having to cancel our holiday to Egypt , todays positive rebooked it for 179 days time , screw you cancer
Kirstin Cullen is at Birchwood Farm – Farmhouse Inns.
20 September 2023 14.29
Operation beach body no longer required 🙈🙈😂😂😂
22 September 2023 13.12 (Day at allotment, her happy place)
Zero energy but rather stare at 4 fences than 4 walls , definately having an early night tonight 👍🏻
24 September 2023 18.35
Massively productive day today which I’m chuffed with, finished off with homemade toad in hole , copleys pumpkin cheesecake and Netflix time now
25 September 2023 14.24
Jacobs iPad Pro max breaks yesterday, sharks blown up today , can see exactly kinda week I’m gonna have 😩😩😩
26 September 2023 09.33
Woohooo new carpet day , can’t wait to get downstairs back straight, saying that if all the glitches turn up today I’ll be back upside down 🙈🙈
26 September 2023 16.03
Could quite easily get angry but it’s an emotion I really don’t want to have on this journey . 5 th august I find out I have a mass in my bowel area that would of been the source of my pain for at least the 15 mths previous , 17 august after a further scan it reveals the cancer has also spread to my liver , 13 th September they conduct a liver biopsy to try establish the kind of cancer , 19 th September pinderfields held there MDT where my case was discussed and I was told over the phone my cancer is called sarcoma it’s a rare cancer that’s fast spreading and there’s only 15 sacrcoma specialists in the uk and Ireland , thankfully one of the centres is leeds . Monday 25th September leeds held there MDT meeting about me and I’ve now got to wait 2 weeks and hopefully I’ll finally get a face to face appointment to tell me what they can do and a timetable of how they do it. For me life hasn’t stood still it’s been a massive kick up the butt to try get organised and hopefully 3 steps ahead of the rubbish year that lays ahead , what if I hadn’t been a strong person , what if the worry stopped me eating and sleeping. Feel for everyone on this journey in life that isn’t mentally resilient, the nhs is on its knees , patients are being failed. Cuppa and 2 paracetamol time yep paracetamol cos guess what can’t get anything stronger cos I’ve not seen a consultant 🙄🙄 happy bloody Tuesday
27 September 2023 15.36
Flowers , carvery , cake and company , perfect day 💕
28 September 2023 09.09
Woke up with a right spring in my step and the fire back in my belly I’ve been lacking this past couple of days. Todays the day I stamp my feet , tell whoever listens that this is not good enough , I’ve now got my oncology appointment it pinged on my nhs app , thankfully I am the generation of smart phone users , would like to say the appointment is soon but it’s 5 weeks time again a failing, 12 weeks from the date I was told I had cancer and this is an urgent 2 week fast track refferal. God knows when treatment will start , god knows how much the spread continues in the meantime , today I fight , not just for me but for everyone who could one day find thereselfs in the same position 💕
5 October 2023 08.55
We have very little faith in our local mps but I have to say mine has come up trumps , fired an email to yvvette cooper last Thursday expressing my frustration not just for myself but for every cancer patient out there at the mercy of a crippled nhs . She came up absolute trumps and By Friday I’d had a call from the sarcoma specialists at leeds who had magically found me an appointment 4 weeks early 💕 Mondays appointment fetched a mixture , I now know my cancer type Leiomyosarcoma one I can neither say nor spell 🙈 they offered there plan which I’ve accepted as I’m in no position to be picky and choosy for once . Tuesday decided to go get my hair cut , kinda like the lawn wanted to catch that last cut, £12 spent and a phone call received as I walked out of hairdressers to say I need to get in for a heart scan to check my heart strong enough for the chemo then it’s all systems go. Thankfully scan fine and next week we start. Let’s forget the £12 wasted 😂 I’ve got to throw everything I can at this, giving up isn’t an option regardless of how brutal it is , if any of you hear me saying I can’t please scream at me you will. I look at the people around me and know I have so many fighting this battle with me , together we March and together we will celebrate 💕💕
Kirstin is feeling bored at Leeds Lgi Hospital.
6 October 2023 10.23
Last min appointment for a 4 hour kidney function appointment 🙄
6 October 2023 13.11
Pinderfields ain’t a match for LGI when it comes to people watching, oh my days some right characters 😂
Kirstin is with Katy.
6 October 2023
Katy and neil , thank you so much for your well thought out gifts , means so much to me to know how much people care and despite there own struggles can think of mine. The chocolate won’t see tommorrow but this keyring will stay with me always , I can and I will 💕💕
9 October 2023 06.45
Up since 4.30 😩 I’ll be a right moody cow later 😂 busy day ahead , fingers crossed these antibiotics have worked there magic for all systems go this week.
10 October 2023 10.04
Pretty sure life is trying to push me to see how much I can take till I crack , last night the stop tap in house decided to spring a leak in 2 places , only choice was to turn the water feed off to the house , now without water till can get plumber tommorrow 😩
11 October 2023 17.11
Finally the go ahead , jungle juice time . F off C time 💪🏻💪🏻
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