1 January 2025 08.04
2025 let’s be having you , happy new year to all
My family and friends , you write your own chapters , make them good ones 💕
1 January 2025 12.25
No spend January , do it every year to get cupboards and freezers down , only buying fruit veg bread milk ,well Couldn’t stop myself this morning when nipping for a cauliflower ,£3 each these were , will Make a good few meals for us all
😂
1 January 2025 13.19 (Pablo)
Like having a toddler , walk in room with a beef sarnie “ what u got there “ 😂🦜
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen.
3 January 2025 14.02
Sometimes you just need change of scenery and blow cobwebs away
Jacob Love
3 January 2025 14.59
Always nice to get out and have a change of scenery. Lovely to be back at Bridlington with Kirstin Cullen and Ann Cullen , but now off to Scarborough for the premier inn.
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen at Premier Inn Scarborough.
4 January 2025 09.00
Needed this last 24 hours , change of scenery , break away from reality , back on the hamster wheel Next week and frankly dreading it as this new chemo really hasn’t been kind or easy to handle but I have to make the most of a bad situation and seek out the good days . I’m lucky to have such a good relationship with my mum throughout my life and at last minute notice always happy to oblige to my random last minute plans , always grateful to the ones that surround me and make the hard days easier, have a steady mooch round Scarborough this morning then steady drive home , in one way I’m wishing for the snow days we have planned but needing to be at st james 3 days on bounce that would cause right problems , will be what it is though
5 January 2025 10.30
Look at me all you want I’ve no intention of getting outta pjs 🐶🙈💕
5 January 2025 10.37
Like having mischevious toddler in the house 🙈 gotta love Pablo 🦜😂
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
5 January 2025 14.32 (Cleared snow to car)
When your hubby clears a path to your front wheel. Wonder if he’s hinting I need to check tyre pressure 😂😂😂
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
6 January 2025 11.41
First oncology and bloods appointment of 2025, asked me how round 1 of new chemo went , may as well tell them honestly it sat me on my arse , made me feel sick as a pig constantly , muscle aches like I’ve never know and could happily of been tucked up in bed by 6 pm every day , despite the horrid nausea didn’t miss a meal and have put 2 kg on 😂 thankfully the swelling in my middle is nothing to do with my liver it’s the mince pies , she did say once I fall into the swing with the new chemo the more I get moving the less the muscle aches will hit me , told her don’t be prescribing me gym wear I don’t want it. She’s signed me off as fit fat and well and can have my chemo pump at home , have a fantastic week everyone 💕
7 January 2025 09.21
When the gay as ought repair man turns up and Pablo on constant repeat hello big boy⬇️ ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
7 January 2025 15.34
Well I ain’t gonna lie was hoping I’d be snowed in so today wouldn’t happen but knew whatever the weather , whatever my feelings on it I’ve no choice and have to have it , this is the fight for survival and the fight for time . Feel a right fraud on this new chemo ward, everyone looks half dead and sat with sick bowls and there’s me fat as fook with rosey cheeks and shovelling sweets in by the handful. Set myself up for a rough ride and hopefully manage to get a handful of good days before next round is due , anything better than that is a bonus. Round 20 lets be having you , port people what’s best adaptive clothing , mines been put in my lady fat by my armpit and nowt seems suitable for chemo days
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
7 January 2025 18.19
Tonys in the kitchen with an Upgrade from toast 😂😂😂 frambled eggs 🍳
7 January 2025 19.14
Careful out there , that icy I slipped all way into Chinese 😂😂😂
8 January 2025 06.53
No Wonder st James keep Telling me I’m Over there budget 🙈🙈 well
Having to go 3 days this week is over my budget too, this cancer malarkey is like a part time job without the pay check , really do hope this new wonder drug is gonna do its job and grateful for all Those who took part in the trials to allow it be licenced in uk 💪🏻 it’s been used on the many kinds of Sarcoma but has mixed results with leiomyocarcoma , 3 weeks till next round and then a scan to see what’s occurring , pray for me that it gets back to stability 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 ps ignore timeline , mine is dictated by corned beef not research 🙈🙈
8 January 2025 11.07
Some flappy time for Pablo 🦜 in a hope he’ll now have sleepy time so I can watch a film in peace 🙈
9 January 2025 15.28
School run done ✔️
Asda ✔️
Fat club , still fat ✔️
Washing n ironing ✔️
Hoovering mopping bleaching ✔️
Pjs back on , sick bucket at my side and a series to binge under a blanket. Have a fab day everyone
10 January 2025 05.48
Pfffft , steroids in full flow , right moody cow , billy bollox hulk appeared , tony on day off , pray for him 🙏🏻🙏🏻
10 January 2025
Tony come sainsburys with me I feel
All shakey, clearly I’m
Not as shakey as him absolute donkey
10 January 2025 13.14
Bet Tony counting down hours to
My bedtime . I’m
Grinding every gear today 😩😩
10 January 2025 15.25
Love my random steroid fuelled purchases 😂😂 best one yet though. It’s actually a great book to write things down like account numbers , utilities etc , plenty of pages to write essays think I’ll use them to write recipes that don’t include toast 🙈 think everyone should have one cos let’s be honest we’ve all got a secret bank account and premium bonds no one knows about 😜😜 god I do make myself chuckle
11 January 2025 06.55
Pffft awake on and off since 2 am up for good at 5, last day of steroids thank God , bet tony be doing a happy dance I pecked his head greatly yesterday and I think I taught Pablo a whole new vocabulary, this new chemo horrible , feel Sick as a pig constantly but yet so hungry, gipping drinking coffee which is a pleasure it has taken , but mustn’t moan, I opened my 2 greatest gifts this morning my eyes and for that I’m Grateful , grateful To everyone who’s checked in on me this week means a lot. Ride the tide and hopefully back on the up after the weekend . Have a great one everyone
12 January 2025 06.48
Why hello Sunday , thankfully no more steroids so happy Kirstin might make an appearance , another 4 am get up but that’s cool I’ve no expectations for myself today other than pottering in the house and cooking a leg of lamb Sunday tea my favourite 😋 bounced back outta the chemical menopause for the third time since starting chemo why hello tampax, who even needs trial runs at the menopause 😩😩😂 cancer really is the give that keeps on giving , oh and my hair fooking hurts , side effect of this chemo was thinning / loss , couldn’t give 2 shits which way it goes as warmer temps on the way just hate the sunburnt scalp kinda feeling you get whilst hair follicles start to die. Bathed and fresh pjs on , peace out have a fab day everyone
12 January 2025 15.18 (Dogs chilling out in the sun in conservatory)
If there’s a ray they’ll catch it 🌞
12 January 2025 18.19
😋😋😋 retro pudding
14 January 2025 15.06
Anyone else send there hubbies to supermarket with a list that’s not in order and chuckle your head pff knowing he’s going straight to aisle 12 back To aisle 2 onto number 19 back to 3 then number 12 😂😂 imagining his face full of rage , and then cool as a cucumber he’ll get back and I’ll say thanks for grabbing all that 🙈😂😂
15 January 2025 18.42
Honestly love this lad so much , love his chatter and his role play with himself , how he says hello
Then in gruff voice hello Pablo and then what back 😂
Kirstin is with Samuel Love and Ann Cullen.
16 January 2025 14.26
Taking advantage of a feel good day , forever grateful to those that lift me when I’m down and fill me with good food when I’m empty 😜💪🏻 have a fab day everyone
Kirstin is at Chantry Vets.
16 January 2025 16.10
Patiently waiting her turn at vets 💕🐶💕
16 January 2025 18.11
Random boring fact which I found out today from the lovely vetinary nurse , immunosuppressed people ie cancer patients , diabetics etc should exercise caution with the vets due to live vaccines being used . Kennel cough vaccine especially , coming into contact with the vaccine , particles and the vaccinated animal
Itself within 6 weeks of it receiving it puts you at risk of developing Bordetella bronchiseptica ( whooping cough ) , hope you all
Sleep better tonight knowing that boring fact 😂😂
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.
17 January 2025
Today I celebrate a 9 cm Reduction in size one of my liver tumours . Would like to say it’s cos the chemo is working its magic but it’s due to a massive typo error by my trusted oncology team 🙄🙄 15 mths down the line they’ve realised there error that it was at the start 10mm not 10cm . Thankful to have a decent cancer nurse who constantly goes above her pay grade to out shine the clowns that I’m supposed to trust with my life.
Can’t even be angry about it cos I feel like celebrating 😂😂 cancelled my bloody holiday cos they said it had progressed and doubled in size and thought nah 20 cm tumour I ain’t getting on a plane 🙈 ffs man
19 January 2025 06.47
God know what bug got me yesterday but couldn’t even keep a sip of water down , put me in bed for a 6 hour nap in day which everyone who knows me knows I never ever give in to tiredness , feel Back On top form Today thank god and feel Like I need to eat the 3 meals yesterday I missed 😂😂
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
19 January 2025 11.36
Tonys decided he now likes Aldi cos he’s found the middle aisle 😩😩 more useless shit to go with the mound he already has 😂😂
Kirstin is at Normanton Swimming Pool.
20 January 2025 13.27
When life gets heavy there ain’t no one that’s gonna save your sinking ship other than yourself , be your own motivator , set your own limits. 20 lengths comfortably managed and a steady walk home after 💪🏻
Kirstin is feeling amused.
20 January 2025
Trump , what a man , colour blind society , 2 genders , send him over here and let us keep our black pudding
21 January 2025 10.38
Enjoyed it that much yesterday went back and did 22 lengths this morning. Now signed up as a member and gym
Induction booked for Thursday 🙈🙈
“ Alexa am I fit yet “
😂😂
22 January 2025 17.20
How refreshing to get a phone call from school to praise Jacob’s progress and great results in English , so proud of him
For always trying so hard , well done sunshine , love always mum
23 January 2025 13.50
She said she was gonna and she did 💪🏻
2.5 lb off at fat club, 22 lengths done at swimming and gym induction done 🙈🙈 sometimes the biggest restriction is in your head, focus on what you can do not what you can’t , I don’t have cancer in my arms and legs time to start using them again 😜
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
23 January 2025 19.06
When the hubby comes home and silently gives you flowers , shame he can’t silently snore 😂😂
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
24 January 2025 14.12
Samuel Love looks at his bird with such love . Only ever seen Tony look at a greggs steak bake like that 😂😂😂
Kirstin was eating dinner with Alison Parratt and 3 others at The Ninth Castleford.
24 January 2025
Company top knacker , food average , enjoyable evening with good friends
Kirstin is with Jacob Love at Normanton Aspire Gym.
25 January 2025 12.34
Face of a kid that’s just out done his mum, I’m amazed he managed 32 lengths to my 26, best thing is he’s loved it and eager to come again 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
27 January 2025 13.36
Oncology appointment with proffesor stark , he likes me cos I don’t mince my words and can be quite brutal surprisingly 🙈🙈 raised the fact both myself and my gps have had zero written info since July , so my gp is clueless on my current situation and treatment plan , we’ve gone over how the first 2 rounds of this new chemo have been and how outta 6 weeks managed 1 good one which was last week , he did say he’s put me on the maximum licenced dose of it to see how I handled it and the next dose he’s gonna reduce slightly to see if it’s easier to handle . Scan after my next dose and then I’ll get a break as they don’t want to put my through doses if it’s not being effective , so with a backlog of 6 weeks to get results and no date yet for a scan looking at an 8 week treatment break. Don’t know how I feel about that one knowing that the cancer was progressing and growing , but I’ll make the best of a bad situation and try enjoy the break . Thanks to everyone that continues to pick me up and spur me on it really does mean the world
Kirstin is at Normanton Swimming Pool.
28 January 2025 11.17
First Aqua muscle and mobility class done , jeez was like gods waiting room 😳😳😳 was half expecting em to start booming vera lynn out on speakers 😂😂
28 January 2025 13.30
Hardest thing is always going to be the relentless need to keep going no matter how tired I feel , survival isn’t always glamorous or inspiring , it’s showing up when you need too and keeping moving forward when all you want to do is retreat in your home comforts binge watch Netflix and let your body rest. But I move forward , proof of resilience , a reminder that even in the hardest times I’m still fighting , still refusing to give up that’s the quiet miracle of survival. Stepping into round 22 and then we pause , hoping the scan when it happens will show positive results and if not we move to plan c , screw you cancer 👆, to those that continue to lift me up thank you 💕 , to the others ✌🏻
28 January 2025 21.42
Steroid in full
Flow . My body is tired but my eyeballs are dancing 😂😂😂 gonna be a long expensive night 😳🙈
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
29 January 2025 14.39
Always be humble always be grateful. A guy I’ve chatted with at st james for months gets moved to st Gemma’s hospice tommorrow , he’s been homeless for 5 years and as much as street life has been hard he’s often spoke about how he always was surrounded by people , he turned down offers of housing because he knew he’d be isolated which is exactly what he feels in hospital, Sad reality is for some homelessness is a choice. Didn’t know the right words to say to him But wished him well on his final journey and he said if he could he’d watch over me and cheer me on , that hospital Never fails to fetch out emotion with the people I meet and makes me forever grateful For what I have
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
29 January 2025 15.03
Todays steroid rant , since I was diagnosed with this bleeding cancer Tony’s ramped up his time on his personal hobby which is ghost hunting and constantly setting up and building all weird camera set ups and shit which r left scattered everywhere , I find it disrespectful he can’t see the problem . Well I’ve said it aloud today and told him straight if he ever loses his legs in an accident he’ll be coming home to a treadmill in Lounge see how he likes it 🙈🙈
30 January 2025 13.37
My head wants me to run a marathon my body telling me to binge watch call the midwife and my mouth telling everyone to fook off 🙈🙈 got to love the chemo / steroid conflict 😂😂
30 January 2025 18.43
Look of happiness when I tell Tony I’m making him a breakfast for tea 😀😀 his look when I serve him 2 weetabix 😜😂😂
31 January 2025 08.35
Seems a good day for a dentist appointment seen as I can’t keep
My trap shut 🙈🙈 even Pablo screaming for help
🦜 😂
31 January 2025 12.33
Kirstin on one and John trickett in town , rambled like a fine one but many valid points raised for town , agreed to a photo amd he’s gonna remove the b ‘s , c’s and f’s and do A summary 💪🏻🙈
Kirstin is with Sally Hildyard and 2 others
1 February 2025 20.25
Family time , love it , fantastic to catch up
With Tony’s sister and brother in law who have crossed the southern divide this weekend 😜😜 lovely meal and good catch up, of course Pablo had to have his time too 🦜🦜💕
2 February 2025 16.44
Best steroid raged purchase to date , pair of £150 running shoes to lay binge watching call the midwife while wearing 🙈🙈 hope to chuff I start to see the light tomoz cos it’s been a rough one 😢
3 February 2025 08.38
Tucked in bed for half 6 last night and up at half 7 this morning , jeeez needed that , so unpredictable this cancer, chemo , steroid malarkey never know how it’s gonna hit you , just pleased to of slept the clock round and woke up feeling great and smiling 🤩 have a fantastic week everyone
3 February 2025 18.45
It’s ok not to be ok 👌
4 February 2025
Spent all day yesterday thinking it was Sunday . Thank god school had an inset day as I put zero effort into getting Jacob there 🙈🙈 god knows how I lost a day somewhere but defo been a few rough ones . Hate being trapped in a body that at times won’t work for me , steroid come down yesterday 😳😳 it gets a worse comedown everytime get possessed by the devil 😈 don’t feel safe at all and neither does anyone round me 😂😂 , thanks for the love , have a fab day everyone
Kirstin is at Jubilee Wing LGI.
10 February 2025 07.56
After spending most of Friday chasing up urgent scan that was requested 2 weeks ago , here I am now , it’s a mental head fook , 4 weeks wait for the results , can’t change what it will show but know I gave it my all 💪🏻
10 February 2025 10.30
Quick turnaround from fasting to feasting 🙈🙈
10 February 2025 13.44
16 months in , just had my cancer care assesment done at local gp ; apparently I’ve slipped through the cracks. Seen size of me must be a big crack 🙈🙈 doctors had zero correspondence from st James since July so totally unaware of the progression or treatment etc. The shit show continues and was called just that by me , I’ve now joined the gold member group at doctors and get a different phone number and apparently should never be number 40 in the telephone queue or have to wait 2 weeks for an appointment again. We shall see , nhs is on its knees , pity anyone who works in the oversretched nhs and equally anyone with long term health conditions that need it ,
12 February 2025 12.44
When your countdown reminds you that you should be travelling to Egypt tommorrow for half term 👆
Kinda relieved we aren’t going as can’t sit still for an hour at min let alone 6 hours on a plane . Best get my thinking cap on and think of places to go in the wet cold uk 🙈🙈
13 February 2025 20.14
Not the status I wanted to write but CT scan results are back. The progression of disease has continued at a fast rate and it’s now growing in my previously ok left lung , oncologists words go book a trip , enjoy the time with your family , enjoy quality over quantity , we feel you’ve had the strongest stuff and nothing else will be effective. I’ve never been a quitter and don’t intent to be now. Me and my family always knew what my ending would be but I defo won’t be going without a fight and I’m not ready to enter the final chapter now 💪🏻 massive massive screw you cancer 👆 Thank you everyone for your continued support and the love you show my family. I know for some they find my honesty with it all tough but I always look at it this way, my suffering could one day be your survival guide 💕
14 February 2025 06.45
In a upside down week whoever has put a massive smile on Jacob’s face thank you 💕💕
Kirstin shared a memory.
14 February 2025 09.33
Tony Love 😂😂😂
7 years ago
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
14 February 2019
10 outta 10 to card manufacturers for recognises gay marriage 10 outta 10 to tony for despite being over seas getting a card too me 0 outta 10 for attention to detail 🤣🤣 Love you wifey too . We may plod on through life and we certainly don’t take things serious but one thing with tony he’ll have my back always and put up 100% with my erratic ways 🤣🤣 see you Saturday my darling wife
14 February 2025 21.30
Kebab and Tony sparko on sofa , perfect valentines 💕 I get the peace and he gets the rest 😜😜 star fishing time , have a fab weekend everyone 💪🏻
Jacob Love is with Kirstin.
15 February 2025 14.20
Ice cream in what feels like -50. Absolutely lost it.
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Tony Love.
15 February 2025 16.24
Nice to get a picture of Tony awake for once 😂😂 defo blew the cobwebs away in Bridlington. Roll on warmer weather , full belly equals happy Kirstin 😋😋
16 February 2025 21.09
Well tonight was a new one for us 🙈🙈 spiritualist church with Tony alison my mum and Janet , my mum loved the singing . One of the songs was very close to home in its words , 🎵 I’ll sail my vessel till the river runs dry , like a bird upon the wind these waters are my sky , I’ll never reach my destination if I never try , so I will sail my vessel till the river runs dry 🎵
Hope there ready for me this week , cos I tell you now , I’m done when I say I’m done not when they say im done , there’s still plenty of health and fight left in me , watch this space 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
17 February 2025 18.15
I’m done when I say I’m done not when you say I’m done , what an absolute whirlwind 5 days it’s been , tell you now mental strength is what is needed as you can’t afford to buckle on this journey. Oncology team weren’t ready for me today but I was definately ready for them. Last Wednesday they told me your times up we’ll refer you to palliative care team and prepare your final chapter , today we are putting plan C into place , can’t guarantee it will work and it’s gonna be brutal but no one can say that I didn’t give it my all 💪🏻💪🏻 honestly what an absolute head fook for me and those closest to me. Thank you everyone that constantly spurr me on and give me the strength to never ever give up 💕💕
19 February 2025 20.10
Loves his roast dinners , mashed potato coma for Pablo 🦜🦜
20 February 2025 20.32
Full belly happy Kirstin
22 February 2025 12.48
Been so nice to have warm dry weather for a few days , lovely to get some time spent down allotment. Plenty to keep me busy after a winter of neglect. Hoping Tony and the boys will chip in with the donkey work and repairs that need doing . Got to keep the body and the mind busy 💪🏻💪🏻
22 February 2025 13.33
Gets away with murder this dog 🐶 🙈🙈
Always keep the middle finger higher than the walls that you build , I won’t ever be afraid to say enough is enough of your drama. My life is precious , the clock is ticking , a clock that can’t be rewound , we should all remember the last action we did to someone or the last things we said , I’ve a kind heart but only so much I can forgive or excuse of a person , I’ll leave this world with no regrets of how I treated people 👆
25 February 2025 18.30
My life so random 😂😂 phone call
From Someone earlier I didn’t know and he hung up on me , few hours later he text and asked who I was , entered into the most random convo that has ended like this 😳🙈🙈 gonna send him a pic of my mum and pretend it’s me and tell him the nursing home staff are just getting me ready for supper 😂😂
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
27 February 2025 17.10
When Tony comes home from
Work all excited with a gift for me , rambles on about how much easier will make life , how it’s got amazing reviews and he just looks chuffed to bits with it 🙈🙈 fooking battery powered fence sprayer , god knows what goes through his head at times , oh yes I’ll just buy my terminally ill
Wife a fence sprayer to make life easier 😂😂😂
28 February 2025 08.46
Worst nights sleep In a long time , adult sons 😡😡 wish they’d realise as a mum
You worry about em especially when they say at 1 am
On there way home and here we are no where to be seen , wanted to go
St James looking fresh for my big check up
But after next to no sleep look dug up , happy bloody days
Kirstin is with Joseph Love and Jess Sproule.
1 March 2025 08.18
He’ll fight any man but petrified of a little bird 🦜😂🙈 his face at end 😂😂
1 March 2025 15.28
Excitement of a woman . First line dried washing of 2025 🌞 🌞😂
4 March 2025 11.21
What a rollercoaster this past few weeks has been , being told your on final chapter to then we will try a plan c , don’t know whether it will be beneficial but I’ve got to give it my all , no one can say I haven’t tried. This cancer malarkey has made me realise how strong the inner strenght can be , round 23 Let’s be having you
4 March 2025 15.52
Round 23 done , thanks for all your kind messages and comments , sadly don’t get much switch off time as back next week for a double dose then 5 days of self injecting , but for now I’ll focus on fact it’s not only chemo fallen on a Tuesday but it’s also pancake day , so duck n pancakes it is from Chinese then 🙈😂😂 have a fab week everyone
4 March 2025 19.07
Loves a prawn cracker bless him 🦜💕
4 March 2025 20.23
Didn’t do my standard middle finger pose in chemo today as I had a sour faced stiff upper lipped person sat opposite me who stared at me the whole time 😳😳 😂😂 saved it for tonight for Tony throwing absolute dicky fit cos yet again he picked up the parrot food by the lid so it fell apart , obviously it’s the containers fault not his 🙄🙄 steroids in full flow for me , happy fooking days 😂😂
5 March 2025 07.32
What’s on my mind asks Facebook. Those fresh cream hot cross buns I keep seeing adverts for from Morrisons , off on the hunt I go this morning 😂😂
5 March 2025 10.30
Absolutely winning at life 😂😂 take the wins from the ride your on 🙈🙈
8 March 2025 05.34
Well that’s been the most horrendous 36 hours . Suprised I ain’t got bed sores from the amount of time I’ve spent laid down , stomach still feels like it’s in a vice and can’t bend down , temperature thankfully settled after been sky high , thanks to those that have checked in on me after noticing my quietness and change to routine , means the world , now for a chilled out lazy weekend , have a fab one everyone
Kirstin shared a memory.
9 March 2025 08.15
Usual Friday morning being a wheelie bin ninja and filling neighbours recycling bin up to see the biggest ever sex toy packaging 🙈🙈 never gonna be able to look my shy polite neighbour in the eye again 😂😂
9 March 2025 11.29
Look shite but feel amazing today 🙈🙈 spoons brekkie date and a bit of birthday shopping for Jacob , can’t believe he’s 13 in a matter of weeks, why does the time go
9 March 2025 14.13
When a Amazon knock on door and Pablo shouts hello and then keeps screaming “ help “ in his best Yorkshire accent , hope we don’t get a welfare check from police 😂😂😂😂
10 March 2025
Great start to the week , rushing around to get up to st James hosp for an appointment at 9.30 that’s actually for tommorrow FML , is it the weekend yet 🙈😂
Kirstin is feeling hungry with Ann Cullen at New Eastern Court Restaurant.
11 March 2025 13.10
Assesment and bloods done at hospital
, fit fat and well , standard oncology questions have I lost my appetite have I lost weight without trying , look love can’t lose it with trying 😂😂 filling the boots with my mum at all you can eat Chinese buffet now 😋😋
11 March 2025 18.40
Never ever lose the banter and humour Joseph Love , cracks me up
This kid , supporting his good mate through the period of fasting 🙈🙈
12 March 2025 11.57
Barely caught a break and it’s into round 24 of chemo , 4am wake up. 2 hour delay getting hooked up so I’m tired hungry and grumpy but I’ll keep my moans to myself and put my head down fat arse up, 2 different chemos today , god knows what side effects they’ll throw but will ride the tide , some days I’m strong some days I’m weak but I’ll never lose the fight cos I’ll fight till my last breath , big middle finger cancer , outlive the beef 💪🏻💪🏻
12 March 2025 13.32
FML, when they call Out for emergency medical Team cos I’m Unresponsive and foaming at mouth , no Love it’s called falling into a deep Sleep With a mouthful
Of sweets 😂😂😂😂 was having a right good dream as well 🙈🙈
12 March 2025 21.41
Night world , sleep tight 🐶💕
Samuel Love is with Kirstin.
13 March 2025 11.37
Kirstin not a clue what’s she’s taken but give me 4 of em
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and 2 others
13 March 2025 15.53
How’s today gone , erm
Steroided up so don’t know whethwr want to
Punch or love someone , Tony and Samuel made wise choice to go fishing , persuaded my mum To go markham Grange garden centre for parrot food and she gave me the stern warning she wasn’t eating there as was having steak for tea , well
We had a late brekkie there 😂 but was cold and I ain’t paying for crap so They fetched us 2 fresh ones , so the mother had 2 brekkies after declaring she wasn’t eating there , that’s where I get my will Power from 😜😜 oh and we got free cake to fetch home 👍🏻Tony’s given me my first injection and witnessed by Nicola Jayne and I’m Sure we stand in unison his attempt resembled the Yorkshire vet version and I’ll do the other 4 myself 🙈🙈😂😂👆 think everyone waiting for me to declare it’s my bedtime I’m Doing my own head in let alone everyone else’s
16 March 2025 13.32
Tony feels I make him out to look an idiot on Facebook , so I’ll start by thanking him for trying his best to look after me this last few days , it’s been a rough ride. He’s accompanied me to Iceland and Aldi this morning and took control of loading shopping into car , just a shame he unloaded it into a strangers and went to sit in car with them 😂😂😂
17 March 2025 09.25
Woohoo I’ve grabbed the pen back and I’ll write my own story this week. Feel
Good after days of feeling crap
And sleeping clock
Round , excuse the hair I’ve cancelled my appointment as ain’t wasting money when last weeks chemo
Is a hair loss one. What’s the plans for this week , just enjoying it , catch up in house , continue my never ending clearout, celebrate Jacobs 13 th birthday , no doubt be loads of food involved , gotta make the most of every moment , yesterdays are guaranteed tomorrows are a blessing 💕have a fab week everyone
17 March 2025 12.49
Dug a little talked a lot , love my little happy place , roll
On the lighter nights and warmer days
17 March 2025 16.21
Thank god there over with 🙈 let’s hope the 5 days of injections stop my white count bottoming out
18 March 2025 08.04
Don’t let the sun deceive you, bloody freezing out.
19 March 2025 10.15
When people say I can’t believe your out n about , I actually don’t know what terminal Cancer should look like tbh , should I just stay in bed all Day and wait to die or motivate myself to keep My body going , 10 Am and I’ve seen Jacob off to School , walked dogs , been tip , given hallway a good clean and clearout , cleaned kitchen , been asda , the only part that cancer has been a part of is having to Go To Halifax bank and clear out and close some accounts to make it easier for Tony
When the shit does hit the fan , have a fantastic day everyone 💪🏻
19 March 2025 14.18
Was gonna go allotment to dig but decided to go to eat instead 😂😂
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.
20 March 2025 19.36
Family time is the best time 💕💕
20 March 2025 20.36
Wonder if tommorrow gonna be another day of needing snow shovel and de icer in morning and suncream in afternoon.
Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
21 March 2025 07.22
In a blink of an eye , happy 13 th birthday Jacob blu , where have the years gone , you have the sweetest caring soul
99% of the time and I truly hope the world and everyone in it is kind to you always , don’t ever lose sight of who you are and what truly matters in life , be true and honest to yourself , happy birthday Jacob love you always and forever mum 💕💕
22 March 2025 10.19
Motivated Saturday morning , 1 st tip run done , head in zone clearing shed out , get garden All cleared and summer ready , thanks for jacobs birthday wishes yest , always a comfort to me knowing he’s some great people who will look out for him 💕💕 have a fab weekend everyone
Kirstin is at Bexley Wing St James Hospital.
26 March 2025 10.47
Barely caught my breath and back into round 25, hoping this one is kinder cos sofa surfing defo ain’t for me 💪🏻💪🏻
26 March 2025 16.24
Todays mood 😂😂😂
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
27 March 2025 08.15
22 days since my first dose of new chemo which I’ve now had 3 off , hair loss journey has started , pubes floated off in bath taraaa see you later 😂😂😂😂 , positive side to cancer it’s getting me summer ready 👌🙈😂💪🏻 enjoy your breakfast on that thought everyone 😂😂
Kirstin is with Debbie Murthick.
27 March 2025 08.27
Happy 14 th birthday max . I’m
Sure mummy will spoil you rotten for it 💕🐶
27 March 2025 13.41
Finally the start of 2025 allotment season , lovely few hours down there and nice to catch up with people. Plenty of seeds planted both flowers and veg and a shopping list made of what I need to grab , sunny days are the best days
Kirstin shared a memory.
27 March 2025 14.30
Remember them days well. Always grateful I’ve been a food and toiletry hoarder
6 years ago
See your memories
Kirstin
27 March 2020 13.07
Honestly 🤣🤣 getting slated on normy watch because i left a bag of pasta on my wall for a guy who needed some , apparemtly i must of stockpiled , i stock pile 365 days a year and what i’ve got people are welcome too. Community spirit eh 🙄🙄
Malaika Marini Orchard
27 March 2025 19.47
Kirstin Cullen you have taught me the most important thing. Live, don’t have regrets and blooming love family. I always do everything for my family but your voice has been so important to people to look outside the box. Your crazy posts have lifted me up when I needed that extension of friendship. When I’ve been down, I look at you with your amazing crazy parrot who has the coolest voice. The allotment, bargain shops, random trips haha. Love you lots, can’t wait to see what’s for breakfast tomorrow. I’ll send you pics of our holiday at the caravan soon. Few weeks yet. My high school buddy showing the world – this is what it is to live💖Hey guys I know Kirstin if you don’t why the hell not she’s ace 💖
Kirstin is with Samuel Love and 4 others
30 March 2025 21.22
All I’ve hoped for all week is the hair stayed in a position to get some pictures of norm today , one where I didn’t look the cancer victim , amazing how life changes and such a simple thing can mean the world , lovely all you can eat Chinese buffet and a few hours in the pub. Never lose sight of the little things as one day they become the big things 💕
31 March 2025 07.14
Look like a dog with mange this morning 🙈🙈😂😂 don’t think
My resolve of not shaving it off is gonna last 💪🏻🧑🏻🦲🧑🏻🦲
31 March 2025 18.11
Think I’m Beyond patch repair 😂😂🧑🏻🦲💪🏻 while ever you can laugh at the shit storm your in your winning
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
1 April 2025 09.38
Super quick appointment , still fit fat and well, Costco time now , have a great day everyone
2 April 2025 08.11
Everyday is a battle , but everyday I get to leave the house with Jacob at 7.35 to see him on his way to school Is a blessing I’ll Never take for granted , have a super day son
2 April 2025 14.15
One thing I don’t mind admitting is I’m
Big time struggling this past week. This new chemo regime is brutal
With very little breathing time , it’s turn my head to mush and my body to fragile , but unless I pull the plug on myself it’s the only choice and brutal honesty this morning I very nearly didn’t go , but I did , round 26 now flowing through me , I’ve little expectation for the rest of the week as it wipes me out and 5 days of injections give you the worst bone pains ever , thanks to those that have listened to me this past week and held me tight when I’ve needed it or simply when I didn’t , I’ve struggled with my hair , first time I shaved it off and had it in my control Not cancers , this time I promised I’d leave it to nature , here I am cancer has robbed every one of my brown hairs and left the grey standing strong but looking like a dog with mange , don’t think my resolve will last long , might brave the shave and try raise some money for foodbank 😂😂 cos I tell u now cancer charities are shite, never ever will I raise money for them. I’ve never had to use a foodbank but support where I can and one thing I’ve realised on this journey I never ever want to be hungry , peace out , screw you cancer I detest you for the give that never stops giving 💪🏻👆
Kirstin Cullen
3 April 2025 14.40
Gone right off sweet stuff past few months but these caught my eye in m and s this morning , I’ll do my best to give them a bash 😜😜
4 April 2025 06.32
Woohoo last alarm clock for 2weeks , Easter holidays time , gonna be a hard one to manage between side effects and appointments but will do my best to make it a good one 💪🏻💪🏻
4 April 2025 12.46
Chilling , weeding , chatting , sewing seeds , so much better in sunshine 🌞
Kirstin shared a memory.
5 April 2025 09.18
Weird old times we went through but defo grateful
For the time we got to embrace the simple parts of life , and covid defo changed my spending habits permanently well
Other than steroid days 🙈
5 years ago
Kirstin
5 April 2021
Everyone excited for shops opening back up , I’ll be honest in all my 19 years of being a mum I’ve never till this year witnessed the kids getting wear outta there clothes , been something kinda weird about throwing trainers out cos they’ve worn out rather than randomly buying new for sake of it : seeing kids grow out of clothes rather than just getting rid as we fancy a wardrobe refresh , walking round with holes in trackies cos we’ve had to made do , defo realised this year how much money we spend just for sake of it rather than the need for it
5 April 2025 10.00
That’s the ducks with full bellies. Just need mine filling now 🙈
6 April 2025 14.04
Tony crying in background cos he’s carrying all bags , did he think I took him to white rose for any other reason
Than to be a donkey and cash card , not in mood for people today , my own included 🙈🙈
6 April 2025 17.54
Never ever been one to worry what I look like and always seen beyond a person for who they are inside rather than what’s on the outside , last weekend all my brown hair dropped out and left all my grey 👆 cancer . I felt like a dog with mange and it’s knocked me so much , 18 months ago when chemo started taking my hair my bestie whizzed it off. This time i promised I wouldn’t. Well this is my journey, there isn’t much I can control , leiomyosacrcoma has taken away my choices , I need to wake up smiling tommorrow , I need strangers not to look at me with such pitying looks cos I look the cancer victim this week, I have to adapt to the life and limitations I have and make the best of it , pick your battles and chose your fights. Sat in the glorious sunshine I liberated myself from the torment of the past week 💪🏻💪🏻 rather look like a thug than I need a vet 🧑🏻🦲🧑🏻🦲🙈
6 April 2025 18.22
First time out in the garden for Pablo 🦜💕 he’s been very well behaved 🤫🤫
7 April 2025 07.11
Woohoo why hello Monday , Tony Samuel and Jacob off fishing I get to chill
Out in peace at home , reality is me and chill don’t mix 😂😂 have a fantastic week everyone 💪🏻💕
Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
7 April 2025 16.51
Safe to say by the smile Jacob’s loved his first time fishing , can’t wait to hear all
About it 💕💕
8 April 2025 10.06
Checked out my new found gold patient status with queen street surgery this morning, a dedicated service for terminal / severely disabled people. One hour on hold , hour wait for a call back and now an appointment in next town this afternoon 🙈 think it’s easier for a healthy patient to get an appointment
8 April 2025 12.27
Allotment in bloom 🌺 💕
8 April 2025 16.33
Well knew I wasn’t right but kept pushing and brushing it off as side effects of new chemos which is cold n flu symptoms and breathlessness. After feeling like I was drowning last night finally went to doctors. Got an infection in my lung , let’s hope these antibiotics kick in quickly cos I ain’t doing no hospital admission in this glorious weather 🙈
10 April 2025 14.18
Well In the midst of the cream buns , takeaways and meals out ive been trying to eat a bit healthier , not just for me but the family. Gives me a sense of direction when I go supermarket and has definately helped with food wastage at home . Taken me 6 months to drop a stone but that’s cool was never gonna put the discipline and control I used to have back in. Most people lose weight with cancer 🙈🙈😂😂 suppose it’s one way I’m defying odds. Be nice to get down to 13 stone and then hopefully some of my ailments will be cured cos aching knees and chub rub defo ain’t down to cancer 😂😂
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen at Butlin Skegness.
11 April 2025 15.45
Skegness
Poorly mode switched off defo been a rough one but straight into holiday mode 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen.
12 April 2025 14.21
Family , laughter and icecream , perfect afternoon in the sun 🌞 💕
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen.
13 April 2025 19.59
A bright skeggy sunset
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen.
14 April 2025 13.24
Lovely few days away , defo needed the breathing space and time away from
What’s become our new normal , it’s been filled with laughter and fun , we’ve walked far too many miles and eaten too much . But rather have a tired body and a happy mind 💕💕
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
15 April 2025 10.45
Quick fit fat and well , bloods done, busy busy with appointments this week 💪🏻💪🏻
16 April 2025 10.21
Back on the hamster wheel with round 27, hoping it’s kind so we can enjoy the bank holiday weekend , as always a massive middle finger to cancer 👆
16 April 2025 18.01
My teeth were wrecked before cancer but chemos has absolutely destroyed em , ended up with 4 broken / missing front teeth other week but that’s another story 🙄😳. After a whirlwind of appointments and a fantastic dentist there sorted with a great solution that’s meant I don’t have to have a plate ( roof of my mouth too sore to have one ) cost a bomb but I’m not bothered , Tony’s been put under strict instructions if I die before I’ve got my moneys worth out of them do not cremate me with them in , I want them taking out and framing 😂😂😂😂🙈
Kirstin is at Seacroft Hospital.
17 April 2025 13.17
Shit mood , barely any sleep and ct scan time , can’t change what the results will show but I can hand on heart say I’ve given it my all and pushed myself to the brink , won’t get results till 12 th may , booked In for chemo again next week which I’ve to take that one on the chin . Only bonus to today they’ve sent me seacroft which I ain’t been through cross gates for years , praying Wilson’s pies still Exists
Kirstin is with Samuel Love and Jacob Love.
19 April 2025 12.22
Hard thing is when you’ve a 10 year age gap between kids is finding a mutual connection with brothers. More than ever now Jacob needs to have time with others , so pleased this past couple weeks Samuel has taken Jacob under his wing and took him off fishing a few times. Really hope it continues, which given fact in 13 years Jacob ain’t given me a Xmas list yet here we are in April and he’s presented me one I think he may of found a hobby / past time to commit too . His smile with the smallest catch ever says it all , doesn’t matter the size of the catch it’s the fact he’s caught something
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
19 April 2025 21.17
Extremely rare childfree night seen as Jacobs ended up on a night fish with Samuel. Hope it’s just fish they catch and not colds 🙈🙈 lovely Indian meal. Full belly = happy Kirstin 💪🏻💪🏻
20 April 2025 08.37
Is it even Easter weekend if you’ve not been to b and q and bought plants and paint and got a lamb dinner planned 😂😂 happy Easter everyone. Gonna carry on with my kitchen clear out and deep clean and then no doubt be raging with cabin fever by end of day as no where to go other than places to walk which is a no no from me 🙈🙈 don’t know how Sam and Jacob have got on with there overnight fish but I did get this picture before I went bed , how chuffed and happy does he look .
21 April 2025 08.41
Up bright and early , nice wonder round park with dogs and fed the new baby ducklings , get this kitchen cracked off and might even give it fresh lick of paint. Rather have tired body and busy mind , scanxiety 😢
22 April 2025 07.40
Back To school after a fab 2 week Easter break , thankfully short term till May holidays
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
22 April 2025 09.34
Quick fit fat and well 💪🏻💪🏻 suprised my blood pressure was ok after a 80 min journey and having to run to my appointment
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Tony Love.
22 April 2025 17.46
Honestly FML
22 April 2025 20.40
Not in a good mindset which I don’t mind admitting so hooked the dogs up and kept telling myself self care is important and it’s ok to have time alone and go through every thought and action of others , yes self care important , gets settled in my own thoughts and there’s a guy masturbating behind a tree at opposite side 🙈🙈 self care eh , darent move darent cough , fml 🤦♀️
23 April 2025 11.42
Well today is the 6th infusion on the new chemo gem tax which marks 3 full cycles , scan was done day after number 5 and it really doesn’t sit well that someone somewhere has my scan results but I’m unaware so having to take this chemo on the chin not knowing whether it’s working or not so yes knowing the next week of being knocked on my arse for potentially nothing weighs heavy. Been coming into this ward for nearly 20 months and it’s a weird concept that having built up so much respect and admiration to the staff that today could be the last time I walk into here but I’ll defo not be saying goodbye to the staff I’ll hang on to a glimmer of hope . Terminal cancer is the rollercoaster that no one wants to queue for , but I still wake everyday which is a blessing and manage to live a reasonable life just at a slower pace and for that I’m grateful , todays about the fight and not the screw you 💪🏻💪🏻 round 28 lets be having you , do your worst cos I’ll only ever do my best 👍🏻
23 April 2025 14.22
Home sweet home after 6 hours at hospital , felt so weird walking outta that ward not knowing will I return , saw a lovely poem On wall from a nurse perspective, such a tough job for them and I’ve admiration for them all , reality is half of them could earn same wage in Aldi and not have to deal With the life and death roulette everyday. Quickly managed to beat the rain getting the grass cut , washing in and away quick tidy round to do and get spandangled on sofa for evening watching a film I won’t follow cos steroided up, have a fab day everyone and thankYou as always for your continued support and motivation 💪🏻💪🏻
24 April 2025 08.25
NHS treatment may be free but the cost associated whilst under influence of such drugs 😂😂😂😂 💰
24 April 2025 11.00
Cleared under stairs cupboard out this weekend to reorganise it. 10 bags of 60 persil wash pods scattered in there that were on a asda bargain , nip
Into farmfoods this morning bold on offer £6.99 there £14 everywhere else, needless to say I added to the stockpile. Needless to say enough wash pods in this house to keep everyone in clean clothes for a year , whether they’ll Learn how to use a washer is a different story 🙈🙈
Kirstin is with Debbie Murthick.
25 April 2025 13.48
Today is a shit day and I don’t mind admitting it , chemo Knocked me on my arse and steroids put me in fullFlow , I’m Used to It after 28 Rounds know the pattern that forms , feel Absolutely shocking physically and emotionally , but I won’t seek Out empathy or compassion , hug or some food would have been nice but hey ho. Back to bed I go
26 April 2025 06.52
Why hello Saturday , will be confused for days cos I totally lost a Friday this week . But grateful To be up and feeling loads better after struggling with a temp Of 35.5 degrees for 24 hours and a mental mood of 90 degrees , never even left house yesterday which totally ain’t me. Have a fantastic weekend everyone and as always thanks for the love ❤️
26 April 2025 07.55
Looks like the heron has had his share of the ducklings 🐥 😢 and Debbie needs a new baby name book as she’s running out of names for her morning following
28 April 2025 10.01
A friends been ha***^ and I’ve been tagged in a post saying I’m dead. I’m very much alive and kicking still 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin shared a memory.
28 April 2025 20.53
My motto always , yesterdays are guaranteed 💕
5 years ago
Woke up this morning and had proper fallen out with myself , really wasn’t in a good frame of mind and wouldn’t of spoke to anyone if I didn’t have too . Then just had a visit to John in the nursing home. His face lit up when he saw me and tears rolled down his face , he was over the moon to see me and we laughed and chatted the visit away . So pleased he looks forward to my visits and looks forward to wednesdays . The only thing in life guaranteed is yesterday , make the most of it ,
30 April 2025 10.24
Who doesn’t love a flat pack day in the glourious sunshine ☀️
1 May 2025 07.42
Up , motivated , get them boring indoor jobs spun off , asda shop done and then spend the afternoon in glorious sunshine doing project garden 💪🏻
6 May 2025 09.50
One thing i Never usually am Is silent , but a snowball Of events last week sent me underground as I was taught if you’ve nothing nice to say don’t say it at all
😳😳 hardest part of terminal cancer is trying to keep the mental resilience to stay strong and face every day with strenght , courage and normality . Scan results are weighing extremely heavy on me , the way my body feels indicates this new chemo regime which I’ll add is fooking brutal isn’t being effective. Part of me wants to chase results but part of me thinks enjoy this week which is a bonus week as chemo has been halted , but the other part of me thinks get clarification of what your body is telling you. Appreciate everyone who’s messaged etc and those that have given me the hugs and love that was needed 💕💕 poppie and lottie thoroughly enjoying the start of the garden makeover that I’ll resume this week now I’m In better headspace. Have a fantastic week everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
6 May 2025 16.01
A ray of sunshine amongst a storm , welcome to the world Ari my new great nephew and my mums great grandson , absolutely sterling job indiya and Josh have done and will continue to do, and Teddy making an awesome big brother
7 May 2025 15.07
Mother in law walks in and Pablo 🦜 says for fucks sake 😂😂 my work on this earth is done 🙈😳😂
8 May 2025 11.08
12 th February I was told my cancer had progressed and spread and to go live my days out and look at quality over quantity , my oncologist was duly told to fook off and get a plan C in place , it’s been brutal the new chemo regime and I barely catch a break but to find out it’s halted the spread and even shrunk some of my lung tumours has been the news I’d hoped for but definately didn’t think I’d get after only 2 complete rounds and the new pain . Outliving the corned beef is suddenly looking a bit more acheivalble 💪🏻 as always thank you to everyone that supports me on this rollercoaster and give me the motivation to carry on no matter how tough it gets 💕💕
8 May 2025 11.38
When your sat in chub club and think yes I’m
Gonna have a great week as tbh eating healthy really does help with side effects and then you get a ping on your phone from greggs saying your free rewards all
End today 😂😂 the rest is history 🙈🙈
9 May 2025 12.13
No better place to be when weather is glorious , allotment time 💪🏻
9 May 2025 14.19
She said she was gonna and she did 💪🏻💪🏻 one side dug over and planted , amazing what a bit of sun can do for your energy levels 👌
12 May 2025 17.42 (Sam and Pablo)
Just a nerd and his bird 🙈🦜🦜
14 May 2025 13.08
We all Have a clock ticking away that we can’t see , one day the battery dies or the alarm sounds giving us a warning , none of us know how long that clock is gonna keep going for , go live your life , make them memories , take lots of pictures as when we leave it’s all We leave behind for our loved ones , no point being the richest person in a coffin . Felt easy stepping into round 29 Today knowing that this new chemo which I’ll say again is fooking brutal , but knowing for now it’s keeping the clock ticking , bit of a scenario going off with my liver and I know what will Help it but oncologist has said no , I’ll Keep pecking his head though and I’m Sure he’ll agree to shut me up in end 🙈🙈. Have a fantastic week everyone , thanks once again for those that continually support me and my family it means alot 💪🏻💪🏻 and as always a massive screw you cancer
14 May 2025 19.49
Think I might put myself to bed , steroids kicking in and mouth running wild 🙈🙈 far too much running round my head to stay safe online 😂😂 night all 💪🏻
16 May 2025 17.18
End to a great week for Jacob , fantastic parents evening, started at cadets and really enjoyed it and finishing it off with a £100 win on his premium bonds 💕
18 May 2025 19.29
Forever be my best bad decision 🦜🦜
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
19 May 2025 10.49
Woke up to Tony with a pair of boxers on his head , i was either snoring or his ears were cold 😂😂
Tony Love is with Kirstin.
19 May 2025 14.04
Seven years married hence the copper, 25 years together hence the……thanks for the anniversary gifts Kirstin Cullen wouldn’t expect any different.
21 May 2025 14.51
And that is round 30 of chemotherapy running through my veins and hopefully continuing to mess with the cancers growth pattern , I’ll say it again this new chemo is brutal , I don’t catch a breath , it’s not a 1 day outta 21 it’s regular , hospital Yest for a quick fit fat well And bloods , 6 hours at hospital today , followed by 5 days of injections for my bone marrow and white cells then a whole 6 days off and then back at it . The fatigue is like something else , no matter how much I sleep on a night it’s never enough , I’ve totally lost my taste other than spicy food , only drink I can taste is Ben shaws bitter shandy, my energy levels are depleted , I’ve become a hermit in many senses this past month which I don’t like. Gonna pull my head outta my arse and get the half term enjoyed with Jacob . When your days are limited you need to make sure you enjoy every one , have a fab week everyone and thank you for inspiring and motivating me to keep Going , as always massive up Yours screw you cancer , and the mission and goal of outlive the beef continues 11 mths to go 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
22 May 2025 13.33
After seeing way too many posts about the fantastic chippie at George a green had to finally give em a bash , apparently denied my mum
Her planned banana sandwich for lunch and wrecked her tea plans 🙈🙄 but steroid day defo isn’t a day to say no to me 😳🤪 lovely dinner just a shame the sun wasn’t shining at the time , full belly happy Kirstin 💕
22 May 2025 17.02
Been blessed by good people today , lovely visit from Elizabeth Riding and Walt, the flowers and chocolates are beautiful but the hugs and words mean so Much more 💕💕 lunch out with the mum And then a random Visit from The crazy Nicola Jayne who is always guaranteed to make me belly laugh and wee at same time 😂😂
23 May 2025 10.33
Well The steroid rage and shit decisions have past . Good knows what parcels will arrive today 🙈🙈 wiped out after 11 hours sleep total Over 3 nights , but will
Make the best of a glorious day and hopefully spin the clock round tonight , have a fab bank Holiday weekend everyone
23 May 2025 13.02
Freeston you can have your strike days and I’ll whole heart back you , but please don’t expect me to play teacher , if schools closed that’s a snow day fun day : push your google classroom where the sun don’t shine 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is with Samuel Love at The New Inn, Walton.
24 May 2025 17.19
Lovely Dinner date with the eldest Samuel 💕 full belly happy Kirstin 💪🏻
24 May 2025 19.27
A friends ended up in a situation where he’s sadly having to rehome his dogs . They’ve been fetched up in a family home around young kids , they can be rehomed seperate to give them attention they’ll love , cockapoos aged 2-3 years old, they need an excellent home
25 May 2025
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes . Not had chance to reply to them all but I’ve read every one , managed to get out for a couple of hours and enjoy some family time/ food time , chapter 47 begins 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is with Samuel Love and Jacob Love.
25 May 2025 19.51
Just a bird living his best life 🦜💕 bathed , dried and snuggled in bed 😂😂
26 May 2025 13.14
Sat watching the washing get piss wet through on the line as I’m
In cba kinda mood 😂💦💦💦
Kirstin is with Chantel Crummack and 2 others at Sylhet Kitchen.
26 May 2025 21.19
Cheers for the invite Chantel Crummack , cracking night of laughter and great food
27 May 2025 06.56
4 years since you left us dad , never gets easier you’ll
Always be the missing piece , life’s moved on but stood still at the same time , pleased I can still
Hear your voice and clearly see your face , my camera roll And memory is full of our life you was always part of , at times through my own mental torment I feel like your calling me too you but dad enjoy the peace cos I guarantee you when we are reunited you won’t get it . Keep watching over us dad 💕💕
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen.
27 May 2025 16.04
Did exactly what my dad would of wanted us to do today , eat too much in the rain at the seaside 😂😂
Kirstin is at Meadowhall.
28 May 2025 11.11
Sheffield
My idea of hell, but get Jacob kitted out with some new summer stuff
30 May 2025 07.56
Woohoo thankgod these tablets are kicking in cos being hit with infections wasn’t part of the half term plan , have a cracking weekend everyone 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Joseph Love and Jacob Love.
30 May 2025 13.40
Treat from Joseph lunch out 💕💕 full belly happy Kirstin 😋😋
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
2 June 2025 12.15
Despite the infections that floored me last week bloods have fully recovered and declared fit , fat erm actually fatter put 2 kg on 🙈🙈 and well and next rounds of chemo 💪🏻💪🏻
3 June 2025 19.31
Thank you teachers for striking today , we had a lovely lie in till 10 and enjoyed the day together , who doesn’t love a bonus day 💕💕
Jayne Emsley
4 June 2025 09.25
Kirstin – Never wonder where Joe gets it from !!!! 😂
4 June 2025 12.16
Back in the chair for round 31 of chemotherapy, I feel like an overachiever in terminal cancer bingo 🙈🙈 I think it’s time they issued a loyalty card for long timers like me . Last week I was knocked for 6 My body feels like a biology experiment gone wrong, was knocked by so many side effects but still here. Still sarcastic. Still too damn stubborn to go quietly but i was never gonna go out like a candle was always gonna be a firework 😳
So cheers to round 31. One more bag of chemo in , one more middle finger to fate. Cancer might be terminal, but my sense of humor is apparently immortal.
#ChemoChronicles #Round31AndStillPetty #TerminalButNotTame
4 June 2025 17.54
Well another 2 days of school strike days next week , back the teachers 100% , imagine being told you’ve to work an extra couple of hours a week and because your salaried you won’t get paid for it , plus by working them extra couple of hours you’ll need to get after school childcare for your own kids as you now won’t be finished in time to pick em up. Just don’t expect me to play teacher on the strike days unless your adding me to the payroll
5 June 2025 09.39
Thought the world was looking a bit shit today then realised Samuel Love has let Pablo 🦜 💩 on my glasses 😂😂
5 June 2025 21.56
Feel sick as a pig 🐷 and no it’s not a chemo side effect it’s being a greedy twat from farmer copleys cake counter , steroid munchies 🙈🙈😂😂
7 June 2025 15.52
Today’s low energy levels are proudly sponsored by chemo, 12 hours of accidental sleep, and the sheer, chaotic will to keep going just to confuse everyone who thought I’d of given up by now , I must be confusing the grim reaper 🙈🙈😂 but productive few hours down the Allotmemt , shopping done and house somewhat sorted , everyday is a blessing 💪🏻💪🏻
7 June 2025 17.32
Happy 1 st birthday Pablo , a whole 9 months we’ve had of loving you and cursing at same time , you’ve definately fetched something special to the house and I love nothing more than hearing you ranting away just like Tony does 🙈 your vocabulary is getting bigger by the month and certainly more x rated but let’s face it fetching you into this house was never gonna introduce you to polite and placid .
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Tony Love.
8 June 2025 17.22
When you get up n feel great you’ve gotta take advantage , packed a picnic grabbed car key and headed up to Appleby , not as busy as past years but change of scenery , then quick stop off at Barnett castle on way back which is literally a pile of bricks 🙄
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
10 June 2025 12.43
Slept in and missed my appointment 🙈🙈 thankfully they managed to fit me in , fit , 2.2 kg fatter 😂😂 and well 💪🏻💪🏻
10 June 2025 18.41
When the oncology team find it worrying that I’ve put so much weight on 😂😂. They insisted on a thorough check to make sure I’m not retaining fluid etc 🙈 clean bill of health well other than the pesky cancer . Clearly they don’t believe I’m a greedy pig who wont let cancer dictate my appetite neither will it stop me putting a decent meal on the table , and let’s face it I don’t care the weight of my coffin I ain’t carrying it I’m ganna take every calorie I can to the grave 🙈😳 ffs Kirstin only day 1 of steroids and your off 🙈😂😂
Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
11 June 2025 11.54
Barely caught a breath and it’s into round 32 cos terminal didn’t catch the memo about self care and recuperation . Jacobs with me today as we are onto our 3rd day of teachers strikes and closures, educating kids is hard work good job slowly dying is a breeze 🙄🙄. Not the ideal place for him on a what should be school day but he’ll learn about the circle of life , resilience , reality , silent heroism of the nhs and the price of showing up , much greater life lessons than the lame Google classroom that’s been set. So here we are middle finger to cancer, terminal but never tame , fighting for time not miracles , still full of sarcastic gratitude and now toxic running through my veins , as always thank you everyone that supports not just my fight but our fight , this shit storm cancer fight effects everyone who has the pleasure of loving me 💪🏻💪🏻
11 June 2025 16.17
You learn lessons everywhere in life , today my youngest sons, one of my biggest motivators and one of the reasons I push myself to keep going , he’s young , he needs a mum , today he was a trooper , 6 hours with 4 terminal cancer patients including me , we laughed we chatted he laughed , we was with a great bunch who made him feel Involved and the staff were lovely to him And he was lovely with them , this is what the day of school strike taught Him today . I think we’ve had a great lesson away from Google classroom , lessons in life , the circle of life and we can’t help the hand we are dealt
12 June 2025 06.02
What’s on my mind erm Thomas the bakers cherry scones 😋😋4 am Get up cheers steroids defo the part of chemo I despise, but gives me a headstart on the day before I crash , dogs walked , ducks fed , washers 2 loads in , crack off the jobs and hopefully get some rest , have a fab day everyone 💪🏻💕
Kirstin is at Wetherspoons Glass Blower.
12 June 2025 10.29
Full belly happy kirstin 😋💪🏻
13 June 2025 09.43
Well the last term of year 8 for Jacob is currently resembling a pack of uno cards a toddler has thrown , 3 days of strikes next week but has to Walk by the picket line on Thursday to go to school for 2 hours , fully support the strike as more than anything gives me valuable time with my boy but steroid / chemo crash today means I email before i think 😂😂
14 June 2025 07.58
Well that’s been a rough few days , running on empty and barely any sleep , just 3 days of injections to go and I’ve been rewarded by my ongologist with a whole 13 days off from hospital and treatments woohoo , but it’s a fresh day and I for one am Gonna enjoy it , have a fab weekend everyone 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
14 June 2025 16.15
Saw a tik tok last week and it really played on my mind , a man’s first ever gift of flowers usually comes at his funeral 😢 so happy early Father’s Day Tony , your first ever bunch of flowers 💐
15 June 2025 19.46
Honestly rather have thrush on my fanny than my tongue, least I wouldn’t have to taste it 24/7
Chemo chronicles terminal
But never tame 🙈🙈
16 June 2025 07.19
Woohoo well hello Monday , up n feeling good other than tired , bit of a jumbled week with school strikes. But I’ve got my pen in hand and gonna write my own timetable , forecast is glorious , have a fantastic week everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
16 June 2025 10.09
I may not have the energy I used to have behind a spade but I’ve more weight 😂😂
16 June 2025 12.23
Looking a little bit better , forever be my happy place
Kirstin is at Butlin Skegness.
16 June 2025 18.07
Playing that bad hand 🤚 , NASUWT failed to reach a deal , schools on strike now for next 3 days , mum quick pack a case we are off 🙈 no doubt ill of forgot something packing last minute , glorious forecast , lovely food and valuable time with family gotta seize the moments 💕💕
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
17 June 2025 20.24
Eaten loads , laughed lots , Been bossed about by my mum loads , swimming , beach , game of pool , a productive strike day praying 🙏🏻 they’ve not reached a deal yet 😂😂
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Jacob Love.
19 June 2025 21.57
Well that’s been a enjoyable use of 3 days of school strikes 💪🏻💪🏻 home now ready for back to school tommorrow , they’ve still not reached a deal So loads more strike days booked in 🙈 I’m Sure we will find a good way to make use of them 😂😂
20 June 2025 07.22
Woohoo weather dictates it’s an allotment day 💪🏻 get lots of weeding done and hopefully the rain next week will hit where it needs to , have a fantastic day everyone
23 June 2025 08.29 (Another Egypt adventure)
Fit to fly ✔️
Travel insurance ✔️
Beach body ❌
Well between strikes and a bonus week off chemo for good behaviour 😂🙈 we are certainly making the most of it , last minute plans definately the best ones although stressful , long arse day yesterday but worth it to enjoy a week in the sun with my boy , I want my sons to look back and think my mum did everything she could with so much stacked against her , she’s unstoppable and so can I be too 💪🏻 have a fantastic week everyone
Chemo chronicles
Terminal but never tame
24 June 2025 08.10
Sunscream plastered on , Suppose we better chill Out and enjoy the 37 degree morning sun 💪🏻 have a fantastic day everyone
24 June 2025 10.21
Me discreet never 🙈🙈 tapping a guy on sunlounger , excuse me you either need to put your ball sack back in your trunks or slap some factor 50 on it 😂😂😂
Kirstin is with Alison Parratt and Jacob Love.
26 June 2025 16.05
Lovely couple of days with Jacob just chilling by the pools and eating far too much food , the friends who’s holiday we hijacked arrived late last night so been great to catch up and have company
Kirstin is with Alison Parratt.
27 June 2025 17.13
Hardened all Inclusive drinkers ☕️ 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Alison Parratt and 3 others
29 June 2025
Well that’s the holiday coming to an end , fly home tonight at 11.30 pm , it’s been a blast , loved every minute of my time with Jacob and been blessed with time with good friends and met some great people over here . Hard thing is when you step away from places you love , is it a good bye or be here again , but for now I’ll continue on my not dead yet tour , terminal but never tame , big question though have we reached a deal Yet or do we have more strike days to enjoy 💪🏻💪🏻💕
Alison Parratt is with Kirstin and 2 others
29 June 2025 15.26 (Alison stayed on for a few more days)
Not gonna be the same when you go home .. keep fighting and don’t ever change 💪🏻
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
30 June 2025 13.34
Back home at 7 am this morning and straight back to the grind , in a clinic full of grey and yellow patients it’s nice to be brown , fit , fatter and well and back on the hamster wheel on Wednesday 💪🏻💪🏻
1 July 2025 11.01
Another 3 days of strikes this week. Todays education will be darts , well it’s mathematical 💪🏻
1 July 2025 17.52
Today’s money saving tip , book your holiday last minute , take out a travel insurance that has a 14 day cooling off period , enjoy your holiday with the reassurance your insured and cancel It minute you land , if I wasn’t poorly I’d be offering to help Martin Lewis with all my great money saving tips 😂😂 terminal but never tame 💪🏻💪🏻
2 July 2025 12.20
Well after a fantastic 2weeks off which I made good use of , didn’t use it to rest used it to live my best life between butlins and Egypt on the not dead yet tour 🙈, round 33 now flowing through my veins , arrived late and in such a bad mood this morning after having to ring the police on someone on wrong side of motorway bridge, I’m fighting like hell to stay alive a bit longer I’m not ashamed the selfish part of me for wanting what they want to let go of , I can’t control when my life ends it’s outta my hands , But I’m still here. Still showing up. Still flipping off cancer with whatever strength I’ve got left. #ChemoRound33 #StillFighting #TooReal #DarkDaysAndMiddleFingers
#terminalbutnottame
2 July 2025 20.01
Tbh I’d be falling asleep too rather than listening to my steroids rambles 😂😂
3 July 2025 15.34
Another 3 day strike week done , ogat have we reached a deal yet or do we get another bonus 3 days next week 🙈🙈
4 July 2025 18.09
Best bad desicion ever , recommend a parrot to anyone, never feel alone and always someone to chat too 🦜💕
5 July 2025 15.08
You can be as strong as you want but the sad sad news of someone passing on this leiomyosarcoma rollercoaster can fetch every single emotion to the surface . RIP gem , a true inspiration to so many of us , live everyday like it’s your last , don’t take people for granted spread the love , take pictures, make memories cos tommorrow is guaranteed to none of us 💕
Alison Parratt is with Kirstin Cullen and 3 others at Coral Sea Waterworld Resort.
6 July 2025 14.02
Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt
Egypt you’ve been fab, now time to get ready to go home ❤️
8 July 2025 17.54
Ain’t many perks to this cancer bollox but I’ll take what’s offered , so while all you Yorkshire folk filling your 2 ring pool with your bucket and watering your garden with a watering can , I’ll be chilling in my 12 foot paddling pool while having sprinkler on my garden, exempt from the ban, terminal not tame 💪🏻 take the wins 😂
8 July 2025 19.57
Ain’t had mousaka for years , think I vaguely remember getting it as a school dinner at crigg middle school , chuff knows why I bought it but oh my days , m and s may say it’s a meal To share but defo won’t be sharing one again , absolutely bloody beautiful 💪🏻
9 July 2025 08.56
All Kids bless em on there year 6 transition day arriving at freeston , staff out flying flags and cheering to people that honk there horns inc me, kids think it’s a welcome to freeston party 🙈🙈 don’t spoil there joy that it’s a strike picket line they’ve crossed 😳😂
9 July 2025
And that is a wrap , rounds 34 of chemo. Not a flex — more of a medical endurance test I didn’t sign up for. For those still following the chaos: I’m on the not dead yet tour and somehow still performing encores. Chemo bought me 22 extra months, which is wild considering I was basically told to pack it in. But now? The very treatment that kept me going is lining up to take me out first. That’s right — chemo’s getting toxic enough to kill me before the cancer does. What a plot twist.
So I’m switching lanes. Not giving up — just not letting the treatment do cancer’s job for it. Middle finger up as always ,forever terminal not tame , and I’ve still got moves to make, chaos to cause and laughter to bring . Last week fetched mixed emotions . Those of celebrations of getting abroad when I’d declared last year was my last time , the news off the oncologist that round 34 was set to be the final one , for reasons I couldn’t get the concept of especially not after just stepping off the plane , Wednesday I went for round 33 and was compassionately told that a lady who I’d caused chaos with onthe chemo ward for months and belly laughed through every chemo with had sadly died after her treatment that me and Jacob sat with her for , cancer didn’t kill her the treatment did , chemo strips you back so much , gives you deliberating external Side effects and will be 10 times worse on the insides , then the sad passing of gem who I followed with awe on tiktok same fight as me and sadly after starting this brutal mix of chemo I’m On sadly ended up on life support and passed away , in those moments the oncologists words made sense , allowing cancer to kill Me allows me to write the final chapter , pick my own ending , finish things I’ve started , I’m at peace with my journey. I’m actually looking forward to a summer without chemo , one where I can hopefully spring back to life with the toxins , load the car up with fuel And revisit places that I’ve enjoyed over the years.
I have voiced that because I’m not allowed to be an organ donor anymore. (Let’s be real: I wouldn’t want my organs either. They’ve been through more chemicals than a ’90s rave.) Once the sun’s had a chance to bake the toxins out of my bloodstream and I stop glowing in the dark, I’ll be jumping into a clinical trial. Not for a miracle, but because it’s my way of helping future leiomyosarcoma sufferers. If this ridiculous ride can help someone else down the line, then it’s worth it. To everyone who’s stuck with me — through the jokes, the updates, the brutal honesty of life with cancer — thank you. You make this whole thing survivable. Was never gonna blow out like a candle, always a firework .
Still standing. Still sarcastic. Still very much not dead.
#TerminalNotTame
#NotDeadYetTour
#MiddleFingerUpToCancer
9 July 2025 15.30
Woohoo . Coincidental that my Isa’s matured the same day chemo ended , steroided up and you know what that means spending time , the last time I can look at Tony and say the steroids made me spend 😂😂😂 might be a motorhome parked up by weekend and defo be a summer of adventures 🙈💪🏻
9 July 2025 21.04
Favour time people . The rate cancer bill has been fetched forward to this Friday , it needs the support of 27 mps to pass it , I’ve made it simple for you. Copy n paste the below , send it in to your local mp urgently , you’ll need to insert the top details and bottom name , you can also tweak the bit about me in the middle , the more people accross the country mp it hits the more chances it has of being passed. Please please
[MP’s Name]House of CommonsLondon SW1A 0AA Dear [MP’s Name] MP,Subject: Please support the Rare Cancers Bill
My name is XXXXX and I am one of your constituents, my address is[Your Address][City, Post Code][Email Address]
I am writing you, as my MP, to ask if you will support the Rare Cancers Bill has been brought forward to have its third reading on friday 11 th July. Despite overall cancer survival rates rising by nearly 10 per cent between 2005 and 2020, rare cancers account for many of the lowest rates of survival, with some having a 1-year survival rate of less than 50 per cent.
The aim of the bill is to incentivise research and investment into the treatment of rare cancers and begin to close this gap.
This Private Members’ Bill has been proposed by Dr Scott Arthur MP and is inspired by his father-in-law who sadly died of a glioblastoma in 2018, only six months after diagnosis.
I have a friend with Leiomyosarcoma Kirstin love , she’s nearly 2 years into an incurable diagnosis and endured 34 rounds of chemotherapy to extend her life , treatments are very limited though.
Leiomyosarcoma has an annual incidence rate of about 9.59 cases per million people in the UK. One of the challenges with this cancer is its genetic variability – it has many different subtypes. In the United States, whole genomic testing is used to identify mutations that can be targeted with existing drugs, offering more personalised treatment options.
This approach is working well for patients, as their oncologists can access drugs used in other cancers to target these mutations. For example, a PARP inhibitor and immunotherapy are being used for Leiomyosarcoma patients with a BRCA2 mutation, successfully utilizing targeted medicine.
Personalised medicine is particularly important for rare cancers with different subtypes. Due to the low number of patients with Leiomyosarcoma, it is extremely difficult, if not nearly impossible, to run robust clinical trials for the subsets of Leiomyosarcoma. This is before even considering the financial motivation of drug companies for funding trials.
Even with an increase in genetic testing, in the UK it remains challenging to use the results practically in clinics, as oncologists do not have a route to access these drugs.
I am asking you as my MP to advocate for:
• Recognising the potential of targeted mutation treatments through genetic testing for rare cancers.
• Allowing UK oncologists to test for genetic weaknesses by carrying out Whole Genomic Sequencing
• Where appropriate to access appropriate approved ‘orphan’ drugs, without waiting for further clinical trials, which, for the reasons outlined above, are impractical for rare cancers.
• Supporting the bill to create commercial benefits for drug companies to include rare cancers in their trials. For instance, with the advancement of mRNA vaccines and other exciting new cancer drugs, this is the perfect opportunity for rare cancers with limited options to be tested near the front of the queue rather than the back.
Thank you so much for reading my letter. I really hope you will be an active member of Parliament in helping shape the Rare Cancer Bill, and that my letter has contributed to this effort.
Kind Regards[Your Name]
10 July 2025 10.01
Woke this morning after a very patchy sleep with such a sense of relief , from the day I was diagnosed I’ve mainly kept the strong mental
Mindset that’s been needed more than anything and been at peace with my fate. It’s weird being grateful
For the extra 22 months I’ve had when realistically I should have had 20 good years ahead . Thankful for everyone that commented and messaged yesterday , and those that have been a constant listening ear , you live every day you die once , please remind yourself . Go grab life by the balls, embrace those you love tell those you hate to F off , life should never be surrounding yourself with negativity . Physically I feel
Battered today but that was expected , I was given the option of taking round 34 or leaving it , didn’t want to end on an odd number so took it 🙈🙈 looking forward to pottering at home this weekend and getting some much needed rest , have a fantastic weekend everyone and enjoy the glorious weather . Ps didn’t buy a motorhome 😂😂
10 July 2025 12.42
Anyone else’s hubby come to you looking for a medal or a sticker for his star chart cos he’s finally moved HIS stuff that’s been lying around for weeks , steroid rage , terminal not tame 🙈🙈💪🏻
10 July 2025 18.22
Another enjoyable strike day finished off with a bbq in the glorious sun , ogat have we reached a deal yet or is tomorrow officially the last day of school
Till September 💪🏻
11 July 2025 11.12
Well they ain’t reached a deal 🙈 need to
Plot and plan for a bonus week
Next week , school
Officially out for summer 💪🏻
11 July 2025 12.25
Well That’s Jacob home from school , was in his music lesson and his bum
Started to play it’s own tune 😂😂😂 technically can call That year 8 done dusted and finished due to the 16 strike days behind and infront of us , proud of how you’ve handled the year son with its ups and downs, I’ll not stop believing in you .
11 July 2025 21.16
The bets on whether cancer or tony kills me first 🙈🙈 he can’t look at me, go sleep in my motorhome then 😂😂😂
Bit of a tale to this but lesson learned all round don’t give me your phone logged into motorhome auctions while I’m spangled out on chemo and steroids. Cheers Joseph Love
Chemo chronicles
Steroid bad decisions
Not dead yet tour bus 💪🏻💪🏻
11 July 2025 23.37
Perfect evening for starfishing 😂😂😂 you win some you lose some 🙈👍🏻
Terminal not tame
12 July 2025 12.23
Can’t beat a Saturday morning peace offering 😂😂
14 July 2025 09.01
Well defo ain’t facing this Monday with a spring in my step , been an absolutely mental few days , too much lost sleep , been way too busy , but defo had a laugh along the way , despair at my own antics sometimes 😂😂
Ct scan this afternoon , used to stress so much about this and the wait for the results . But I can’t change what they show I just know I’ve given it my all 💪🏻 have a fantastic week everyone
Kirstin is at Seacroft Hospital.
14 July 2025 15.38
CT scan with contrast time, aka the opening scene of my personal Final Destination movie. Step 1: Inject the demon juice that makes you feel like you’re boiling, peeing, Fanny on fire and disintegrating all at once. Step 2: Lie very still and pretend this isn’t how the Reaper likes to start his plot twists. If the machine starts speaking Latin, I’m out 🙈🙈💪🏻#DeathByDonutScanner #ContrastOfDoom #terminalnottame
Kirstin is with Samantha Kerry and 5 others
14 July 2025 20.12
When you feel all fresh n cosy in your clean pjs and then kids say you look like a Wetherspoon plate 🙈😂😂💪🏻
15 July 2025
Today is Leiomyosarcoma Awareness Day
And I’m not going to sugarcoat it: I’m living with terminal LMS — and I’m not alone.
Since being diagnosed, I’ve met some of the strongest, funniest, most incredible souls on this wild ride. Many of them are also living with terminal LMS. We didn’t sign up for this journey, but here we are — showing up, speaking out, and supporting each other through the mess, the magic, and the mayhem.
Leiomyosarcoma is rare. It’s aggressive. And it doesn’t come with pink ribbons, celebrity fundraisers, or much public awareness.
So today, we raise our voices. Loudly. For those still fighting. For those we’ve lost. And for those who don’t even know this cancer exists, 23 months in and I still
Can’t say it right nor spell it .
To my fellow LMS warriors: you are everything. Thank you for the laughter, the honesty, the midnight venting, the friendships created through this shitstorm are definately the highlight . Sad reality is we are the over the trusts budget gang , so many evolving options but purely because of the name of our cancer it’s a brick wall rather than a life line.
I may be terminal, but I am not done making noise.
💜 We are still here. We still matter. And we are damn unforgettable. 💜
#LeiomyosarcomaAwarenessDay #LMSWarrior #MakeRareKnown #StillGotFight #TerminalNotTame #SarcomaStrong
Felix Lloyd
15 July 2025 07.09
Please share on behalf of a lovely lady Kirstin and for all those she has met on her incredible journey so far, she is still fighting and such an inspiration to us all, sending lots of love to you and your amazing family
🟣 Today is Leiomyosarcoma Awareness Day 🟣
And I’m not going to sugarcoat it: I’m living with terminal LMS — and I’m not alone.
Since being diagnosed, I’ve met some of the strongest, funniest, most incredible souls on this wild ride. Many of them are also living with terminal LMS. We didn’t sign up for this journey, but here we are — showing up, speaking out, and supporting each other through the mess, the magic, and the mayhem.
Leiomyosarcoma is rare. It’s aggressive. And it doesn’t come with pink ribbons, celebrity fundraisers, or much public awareness.
So today, we raise our voices. Loudly. For those still fighting. For those we’ve lost. And for those who don’t even know this cancer exists, 23 months in and I still
Can’t say it right nor spell it .
To my fellow LMS warriors: you are everything. Thank you for the laughter, the honesty, the midnight venting, the friendships created through this shitstorm are definately the highlight . Sad reality is we are the over the trusts budget gang , so many evolving options but purely because of the name of our cancer it’s a brick wall rather than a life line.
I may be terminal, but I am not done making noise.
💜 We are still here. We still matter. And we are damn unforgettable. 💜
#LeiomyosarcomaAwarenessDay #LMSWarrior #MakeRareKnown #StillGotFight #TerminalNotTame #SarcomaStrong
15 July 2025 09.39
We are all one accident , one diagnosis , one phone call away from a completely different life and journey
Stay humble , stay kind and don’t take anything for granted 💜
15 July 2025 10.06
Kev and Perry on tour 🙈🙈 we’ll just altofts to normanton 😂😂 but my first time in drivers seat and no one or no cars were damaged
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
15 July 2025 13.34
When your days plans were set in stone well until your mum hit the stone 🙈🙈 shouldn’t laugh but of course I did especially when she was crying she couldn’t pull her knickers up
One handed , rewarding her with a kfc for behaving in a and e 😂😂💪🏻💪🏻
15 July 2025
Tod17.35ay I’ll comply with hosepipe ban 😂😂😂
Kirstin is with Joseph Love.
20 July 2025 08.38
Trial Night away 7 mile from Home with joe in the not dead yet bus survived 🙈💪🏻 , feel bit more confident now with how everything works and managed a cosy nights sleep . Great catch up with Joanne Louisa thanks for coming to see us
21 July 2025 18.39
Take your body to where your mind needs to be and deep breathe 💕
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Tony Love.
22 July 2025 14.08
23 years ago we came to mablethorpe on a sun holiday deal , we’d never been before and declared it the town time had forgotten and said never ever again , it’s only seaside resort I know that closes at 6 pm in peak season . Every year since we’ve come back
First week of summer holidays and declared every time never again 😂😂 well here we are for 23 rd year running 🙈 and no doubt we will declare never again 🤣🤣
26 July 2025 10.43
Beyond thankful to have a great allotment neighbour who not only has been putting a lot of time in to have his looking awesome but mine too 💕
26 July 2025 19.52
Who’d of thought eh all them years ago the stress the tears the frustration of raising a complex kid that I’d be sat here chilled out , happy that joe is off in my motorhome with his girlfriend and loving every minute. Bought some right shite while spangled out on steroids during my time on chemo but Pablo 🦜 and the not dead yet bus defo top them all and hopefully when my time here ends the adventures and swear words continue 🙈
Kirstin is at Bexley Wing St James Hospital.
28 July 2025 12.38
What an absolute head fuck 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.
28 July 2025 18.35
Well today’s summary 🙈🙈 Seems my oncology team have been playing medical pin the tail On the patient 🙄 Roughly a month ago, my ever-confident cancer team took a bold stand and announced they were pulling the plug on my chemo.
Why? Because apparently, extending my life was becoming too risky . The treatment that was meant to help me was — wait for it — likely to kill me .
Cool cool cool. Love that. Super reassuring. Fast forward to today — and what do these walking contradictions come out with? So your scan looks really positive and is overall stable , 7 cm tumour in pelvis is stable and fact it’s never grown we think it might be dead . All lung tumours stayed same size and your biggest tumour in liver has dropped from 3.7 cm to 2.4 cm , 2 have grown a cpl mm , multiple are stable , 2 have changed in appearance and we feel they may be dying off and you’ve had no new tumours appear. So since you’re still alarmingly alive , mobile, mouthy, fat and medically confusing we’ve decided to restart chemo. I beg your pardon??
A month ago I was too delicate to treat and now suddenly I’m gonna be back in the chemo chair because my body’s doing better than expected?! So which is it, Am I a fragile flower about to keel over, or a medical marvel worthy of more poison?
Honestly, at this point I don’t know if I’m in a hospital or starring in some dark medical sitcom written by drunk interns. In summary: I’m still here. Still kicking. Still fat, fit, and giving zero shits And clearly doing well enough to confuse the experts into backtracking so hard they left skid marks. Stay tuned for the next episode of let’s just see what happens I guess . Chemo chronicles restarts Not dead yet tour grinds to a halt Terminal but never tame
Thanks everyone for your support , means the world to me 💕💕
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
28 July 2025 21.17
He must know I need headspace today as he just won’t bleeding shut up 🙈🦜 like having toddler in house , can’t believe we’ve nearly had him a year , still stand by my bad steroid desicion of oh gonna buy a baby parrot so it can tell Tony to F off long after I’m gone 😂😂
30 July 2025 20.32
Wonder if it applies to one of my fave treats from polish shop 🙈😂
31 July 2025 13.16
Well Tony’s been in garage last couple of hours . No doubt he’ll come looking for a sticker for his reward chart for tidying up his mess and dumping the crap he’s accumulated 🙈🙈
1 August 2025 16.44
Well that’s 2 weeks of summer holidays done , first week a lovely caravan break and then this week few fishing trips for lads and a night away in not dead yet bus , need to get my thinking cap on for week 3 which will just be me and Jacob .
2 August 2025 09.14
Two years ago today marked the start of this rollercoaster , I had no idea at this point how much life was going to change and the horror that was going to unfold .
Leiomyosarcoma moved in like a wrecking ball and didn’t just tear through my body , it obliterated the person I used to be. I don’t mourn her. She was fine. A bit too polite. Worried too much about being liked, being normal 🙈being on track Fuck that.
Now, I laugh at timelines. I spit in the face of statistics. I schedule joy like it’s palliative care. I see death everytime I walk in the hospital and I’m still here, giving it the finger and asking, That all you’ve got Some of you are out there sleepwalking through life, terrified of being uncomfortable. Meanwhile, I’m dying — loudly, messily, gloriously and I’ve never felt more awake. If this is what dying looks like, you should be ashamed of how little you’re doing with your living.
To my tumours: congrats, you’ve made me radioactive, exhausted, and slightly immortal in the amount of scans I’ve been in. To the NHS: thank you for not charging me to fight for my life. You’ve kept me alive with science, sarcasm, and fight .
To everyone who stayedthrough the scares, the breakdowns, the bullshit I love you in ways I’ll never fully say out loud. This anniversary isn’t a celebration. It’s a warning.
I’m still here. I’m still dying and I’ll haunt the shit outta anyone who wastes the life I don’t get to finish . And if you think this is just survival it’s not.
This is what it looks like to show up in the middle of the storm, set fire to the rulebook, and live louder than most people ever will. I can barely remember that Kirstin in the picture who she was or what she wanted in life , taken before cancer came , but I was given something new , the real meaning of life , choose happiness always , take lots of pictures, capture life as it happens , cherish every moment as there’s no rewind in life Still not dead. Still not sorry. Still fucking fighting. Terminal but never tame 💪🏻💪🏻💕
Kirstin is with Samuel Love
2 August 2025 21.37
Past my bedtime but having a nice cpl hours 💕
3 August 2025 12.18
Well that has got to be the most random of Sunday mornings , safe to say when Tony gets outta bed after his night shift he’s gonna kill me or mutter wtf , the motorhome spares I set out for from gumtree well Let’s just say I should of regognised the signs , I’ve come home with something totally different , I’m Hungry, moody as fook and scratching my head thinking wtf do I do with him Now , well bath him for a start as oh my day I’m Gipping with smell 🤢🤢 join me later for more chemo chronicles , terminal But never tame 😂😂
3 August 2025 19.57
Been along time since I’ve done this , but sometimes broken souls you can’t help but try save , if you can be anything in the world be kind always 💕 temporary foster baby Guinness 🐶
4 August 2025 10.35
11 hours kip with not a peep 👌 full breakfast , poo in garden , wee in lounge 🙈 bit everyone’s toes and back in hiding under sofa now . Small steps in right direction baby guiness . Now to attempt walking poppy and lottie while carrying him , should of got Tony to get doggie buggy outta loft
4 August 2025 21.50
Was supposed to be a chilled out day today but adhd got the better of me 🙈🙈 conservatory scrubbed and painted , washing and ironing cracked off , supermarket shop done , sat in park with a friend for a long overdue catch up tonight and finishing off the day wrapping some Christmas presents . Defo a chilled out one tomoz 💪🏻 have a fab week everyone
5 August 2025 09.04
Well we both slept like babies last night , someone’s absolutely full of rogue mode this morning , him not me😂😂 , lots of offers of a home for him but will always be about what’s right for him , he deserves the best happy ever after where he knows nothing but love 💕
7 August 2025 08.22
Sad goodbyes to baby guiness , hes got the happy ever after he deserves and the only feeling he’ll experience is love 💕🐶
Kirstin Cullen is with Jacob Love in Knaresborough, North Yorkshire.
7 August 2025 13.44
Random ride out to knaresborough to pass a couple of hours , walk round castle aka pile of bricks and spoons dinner, full belly happy Kirstin
8 August 2025 14.52
Forever grateful To those that have helped me with my happy place 💕
9 August 2025 11.11
Walking a fine line at minute and I don’t mind admitting it , words and actions have an impact , if you don’t want me at my worst don’t come to me when I’m
At my best . Just keep swimming Kirstin just keep swimming
13 August 2025 10.40
Chemo 35 — because apparently I’m not dying fast enough for the nhs liking.
They stopped my treatment once, thinking the chemo would finish me off before the cancer. Plot twist: I’m still here, still upright, and apparently too stubborn to be convenient. So back on the drip I go — a slow marinade in medical-grade poison.
Jacob gets the pleasure of coming today . He gets to see how sitting on the chemo ward having poison put through you is more of a coffee social morning to alot of us patients and it’s nothing to be feared , sad though that cancer will be a big part of his childhood memories. I’ve managed to balance up quite well this school holidays hanging on the edge between living and dying but managed a holiday , nights away , day trips , fishing trips , and chill out days at home .
Prepared for this to totally knock the shit outta me after having quite a detox from treatment. But just gotta keep swimming and make the good outta the bad 💪🏻💪🏻
I don’t do “inspirational quotes.” I do survival out of spite.
Terminal not tame 👍🏻
13 August 2025 16.22
Jeez my arse crack never had so much fluid running down it 😂😂😂 fooking melting
14 August 2025 08.43
Never been ginger, never wanted to be ginger, yet apparently on this chemo detox I’m morphing into the ghost of Ed Sheeran with five random ginger eyebrows. Don’t worry, they’ll probably shed straight into my tea soon nothing like sipping a brew and choking on your eyebrows . Feeling “fine” this morning, if you count exhausted eyeballs doing a 3am rave (cheers, steroids) and that charming edge-of-vomit feeling. But honestly, after what’s already living rent-free in my body, nausea feels like light entertainment. 💪🏻💪🏻 have a fab day everyone 💕
Kirstin is at Lotherton.
14 August 2025 19.44
Not been here for 10 years but lovely for a change of scenery and of course a Pizza Hut to finish it off
Kirstin is with Samuel Love and Jacob Love at Wagtail Park.
15 August 2025 19.16
Fishing weekend with eldest and youngest in the not dead yet bus , been blessed with the weather today, lovely paella cooked outside , hope I sleep tonight cos this fresh air wiped me 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
17 August 2025 18.09
Jacob happy to of acheived a new personal best this weekend with a 20 lb carp . Can’t believe how quick these summer holidays are going , just over 2 weeks left 😢
Kirstin is at St james hospital. Bexley wing.
19 August 2025 11.06
Quick fit , fat well lost 2 kg but still clinically obese 🙈🙈 and well , hopefully whatever infection knocked me on my arse this weekend has cleared in my bloods and we get the go ahead 💪🏻 honestly feel like a fraud in this department , everyone is terminal but they look so poorly and there’s me fat rosey cheeks and full of life
19 August 2025 14.54
I literally have no words for the selfish bunch that exist , lived next to my neighbour for years , love him to bits , we are both on a journey with the big C, he lives alone , struggles as you can imagine cos it’s a hard battle and takes every ounce of your strength , imagine being that much of a selfish prick that you’d report him to council for his trees being a little bit too high rather than knock on his door and say I know your fighting a battle let me and my able bodied family help you . It’s fine though he’ll get it sorted and we all
Know who you are 💪🏻
#Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
20 August 2025 12.10
You don’t get to live this life twice , this is it , the messy , imperfect , thing we call life . The random places , the wreckless laughter , the tiny wins no one notices or claps for . Tell people you love them , tell people you hate them no point leaving things unsaid 🙈, chase things that set your soul on fire , stop waiting for the right moments , these are the moments , don’t ever be afraid to rewrite the chapters you have left. It’s been 6 weeks since I had this dbl combo of chemo , once it had detoxed out my system the energy levels returned , the taste came back ( nice to be invited on meals out and actually being able to taste em ) , the hair on my head all started growing back to a full covering and let’s not forget the 5 ginger eyebrows , today starts the decline again but time is what’s Important so balancing and adapting is what I do , round 36 let’s be having you Jacob for company , not the fun the school holiday should bring is a chemo ward but right from the start he’s had my honesty with it all , and tbh the kid ain’t done bad these holidays we’ve balanced up living and dying well , holidays, weekends away fishing , day trips , days in , random things and chill out time too
Chemo chronicles
Terminal not tame
Not dead yet tour grinds to a half
Rewrite the chapters 💪🏻💪🏻
Leiomyosarcoma – LMS Research UK
21 August 2025 12.00
A post written by Kirstin to LMS
“I was diagnosed with leiomyosarcoma in September 2023 — still can’t spell it, still can’t say it without sounding like I’ve had a few wines. They hit me with “stage 4, incurable” in one breath and I thought, well, that escalated quickly. In that split second I knew: lose your mindset, lose the fight. So my motto became simple — you only die once, but you live every single day. Might as well make it interesting.
It’s basically been the rollercoaster no one would ever queue for, yet here I am strapped in at the front row, The nickname that stuck? Terminal, Not Tame. Subtle, right? People actually follow along with my chemo chronicles like it’s Netflix. Forget Breaking Bad — I’m out here Breaking Bald.
I’ve got three boys — 13, 19, and 23 — and my goal has been to keep life as “normal” as possible (though my version of normal now involves hospitals, needles, and Googling side effects like a hypochondriac on steroids). We’ve packed in holidays, days out, memory-making galore. Because when my lads look back, I want them to say “Mum didn’t go quietly — she went out with snacks, sarcasm, and a bang.” People who know me know I will never go out like a candle – will defo be a firework.
Chemo tally: 36 rounds that’s not a flex or medical endurance that’s a fight for survival . Every round, I bounce back a little less, but hey — still bouncing. Steroids, however, are Satan’s Smarties. My husband has nailed the “just nod and don’t die” survival technique. My mum has turned into a ninja, ducking and diving when I’m mid-rant. My boys? They’ve learned to endure me on fast-forward, talking utter nonsense at 100mph before I suddenly face-plant into a nap. The house literally has its own weather system on steroid days. Then there’s the shopping. Oh yes, the shopping. September 2024, high on steroids, I decided life was incomplete without… a parrot. My genius logic? He can scream obscenities at my husband in my voice long after I’m gone. Honestly, best bad decision of my life. He’s hilarious, sweary, and basically me with feathers.
And because one ridiculous purchase wasn’t enough, last month I went and bought a motorhome. She’s officially named The Not Dead Yet Bus. We’ve already had brilliant adventures in it, and the thought of my boys carrying on their own trips in it one day makes me happy. (Though if they ever sell it on eBay, I swear I’ll haunt them).
So yeah — thank God for the NHS. Free chemo, free steroids, free entertainment for everyone watching me lose my hair for the third time. Only downside? Still waiting on that steroid payslip. At this point, I reckon they owe me backpay and danger money.
I’m two years down the line, I’m still here. Still sarcastic. Still laughing. I look around and think if this is my dying… then maybe you need to question your living.
One thing I’ve always been on this journey is brutally honest , the highs the lows the side effects , my theory is one day my suffering could one day be someone’s survival guide.” Kirstin, UK
21 August 2025 12.39
Felt honoured to be asked to do a write up for LMS research . I did try tame it abit 😂. But that isn’t me. Much prefer the uncut versions , be great if my friends could give the original
Post a like and a share . Try give this rare shitty cancer the publicity it deserves and more importantly help highlights the rare cancers bill for people like me who were always a 1 in a million kinda girl
21 August 2025 13.05
Tony aged 52, failed his exam last month and is now hunched over a giant whiteboard in the conservatory like some tragic nerd who peaked in 1993. He’s surrounded by highlighters and panic, scribbling equations as if NASA are about to ring him up. Meanwhile, I’m fresh from chemo, pumped full of steroids, and the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of launching myself into that bloody whiteboard and sliding down it like a giant deranged board rubber, erasing every pathetic line of revision he’s clung to.
So, if you’re 16 and devastated about failing your GCSEs today — don’t worry. There’s every chance you’ll still be failing exams in middle age, only difference is you’ll be retaking them tomorrow with a dodgy back, thinning grey hair, and a wife fantasising about assassinating your whiteboard with her own body. 📚💀😂
Chemo chronicle round 36
Terminal never tame
Steroid life
21 August 2025 21.15
Fifty Shades of Asda Who needs Christian Grey when Castleford Asda has a security guard who could arrest me anytime he likes? Forget silk ties — I’ll take those plastic tagging cables, thanks. Forget the Red Room — I’ll take Aisle 9, by the discounted loo roll. I wonder if that’s why shoplifting is rife in cas cos let’s face it I’ll happily get chased and frisked by him Every time I “accidentally” forget to beep my shopping through self-scan, I’m not wanting to be a thief but Jeez nice to chase a fantasy. Being pinned against the freezer section by Mr Security-With-A-Jawline-Sharper-Than-The-Reduced Section Knives? That’s not punishment, that’s foreplay.
Pay for my shopping? Babe, I’d rather pay bail. 🛒🔒
#FiftyShadesOfAsda #CastlefordGrey #FriskMeDaddy # chemochronicles #terminalnottame
22 August 2025 08.33
Well, colour me gobsmacked… Yesterday you lot completely blew me away. A post went up about me and suddenly it was flying around the internet like I was some kind of celebrity — except with fewer red carpets and way more hospital gowns.
The kind words, the love, the humour, honestly, I kept double-checking to see if you’d all accidentally written about someone else with better hair, but nope… turns out you really were talking about me. My ego is now so inflated it’s basically got its own postcode.
What really matters though is that alongside all the lovely things, people were actually reading and sharing about leiomyosarcoma. This rare, pain-in-the-arse cancer that most people have never heard of finally got dragged into the spotlight. And frankly, it deserves to be exposed for the useless, attention-seeking squatter it is. Seriously, if cancers were people, leiomyosarcoma would be that uninvited guest who turns up empty-handed, drinks all your booze, and then refuses to leave. Absolute tosser.
So thank you for the love, for making me laugh-snort, and for reminding me that even in the middle of this very unglamorous fight, I’ve somehow ended up surrounded by the absolute best bunch of humans.
P.S. If you keep this up, I’ll need to hire security from Asda cas 😂😂
22 August 2025 17.38
Well house to myself , rock n roll Friday night cracking open the can . Try squeeze the last of the energy from
These steroids before I crash n burn.
Steroid life
Chemo chronicles
Terminal not tame
Have a glorious bank holiday weekend everyone 💪🏻
23 August 2025 07.35
·Well spun the clock round which was most definately needed after far too many disturbed nights sleep, taking full Advantage of a full 48 hours on my own to get this house in order and freshen up the painting , they all get to walk around healthy , clueless and full of energy and I’m Just a walking expiry date but with more motivation 🙈 I’m Trying to avoid my final Words as I lay down being those cobwebs need sorting and get them oil marks off the wall This is what terminal illness in real life looks like: not a bucket list, not soul-searching wisdom, not some saintly glow. Just me balancing up Living and dying and still doing chores, making sure the place is spotless for everyone else who gets to live here after I’m gone. Honestly, I should invoice them all — “final cleaning bill, paid in full with my last bit of energy.” Phone getting ignored today as I’ve still 83 things to complete on the to do list and more than ever want to fully embrace final Week of school
Holidays and not continue my role as Cinderella , peace out everyone have a fab day
23 August 2025
Give yourself a pat on the back Kirstin for a right days graft . Kitchen scrubbed within an inch of its life and freshly painted , quickly cut grass grab a shower and pjs and seen as I’ve done enough work for 2 people think only fair I eat for 2 people 😂😂
Kirstin is with Samuel Love
24 August 2025
Perfect fishing set up with motorhome , can fish from lounge window 😂 I’ve avoided going anywhere near fishing since my dad passed away 4 years ago but happy ive now found my peace with it now and can go back round a lake 💕
24 August 2025 14.09
Hosepipe ban’s turned every lawn into a patch of brittle hay, but mine’s thriving like it knows it’s got limited time left with me. Cancer’s tearing through me fast but at least I’m Exempt from hosepipe ban 🙈🙈 got to take the perks 💪🏻😂😂 I might feel Like I’m Wilting today on steroids comedown but at least the grass is flourishing
Chemo chronicles
Terminal never take
Kirstin is at Shanks Recycling Glasshoughton.
25 August 2025
Is it even a bank holiday if you ain’t been to tip 🙄🙄🤪🤪
25 August 2025 17.16
I’ll never say no to being someone’s Guinea pig cos let’s face it I’m always an absolute pig 😂😂 beautiful home made pizzas by Simon , defo hit the spot and a perfect end to a busy but nice bank holiday weekend , full belly equals happy Kirstin 💪🏻💪🏻
26 August 2025 09.24
Jeez woke up and I’m Like a bloody hairy mammoth , amazing how quick it can come back after a chemo detox , hopefully now the brutal one back in my
System it will die as quick as it came back to life 🙈 kinda got used to having a Barbie crutch and silky smooth legs 😂😂 have a fab day everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
26 August 2025 10.06
Honestly I’ve dropped to serious low levels today 🙈🙈 rung sky to tell them I’m dead so my contract gets cancelled with immediate effect cos jeez how expensive has it got , I’ll ring in a few days as a new customer in my married name and get a cracking offer 💪🏻💪🏻 guy was so sincere and kept saying we offer our condolences from sky as Kirstin was such a good customer and never missed a bill , for a brief 20 min the not dead yet vibe changed to she’s dead now just to save some money 😂😂
28 August 2025 11.07
When you forget your not a size 10 and will probably need utterly butterly and fire service to get outta this fence painting drama 🙈🙈
28 August 2025 19.48 (Kirstin painted a red cross on a cardboard box on top of recycling bin)
Bet council will take the excess now 🙈🙈 my rubbish more patriotic than half the population 😂😂
29 August 2025 12.19
Always taste nicer when sat looking at the sea , full
Belly happy Kirstin 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen at Butlins Skegness.
29 August 2025 21.04
One final push and then that’s the summer holidays done , last minute weekend away , love our little butlins breaks with my mum and Jacob
30 August 2025 14.09
Just a mum eating her way through life with those she loves 💕💪🏻
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and Ann Cullen at Butlins Holiday Camp (Skegness).
1 September 2025 07.30
Wishing my mum a very happy 69 th birthday , I know she’s thoroughly enjoyed her birthday weekend because she’s been with me 😂😂 homeward bound today after a great butlins weekend
1 September 2025 18.20
Did a week in Egypt so Tony could do all glossing on stairs while I wasn’t here cos the paint agitates my lungs guess what didn’t happen 🙈🙈 went to butlins for weekend guess what , didn’t happen , guess what Kirstin’s doing tonight 😂😂
1 September 2025 18.48
This past 2years has been brutal. When I was told I had terminal cancer, my first thought wasn’t about me — it was about my family , especially Jacob he was only 11 at the time . Far too young to have his world tipped upside down. I was terrified it would crush him, that he’d lose his way, that the weight of it all would be too much.
But he’s done the complete opposite. Instead of falling apart, he’s shown more strength, kindness and courage than I ever could have imagined. He’s kept going when life gave him every excuse not to. He’s made me laugh when I’ve had nothing left. He’s been my anchor, when I thought I’d be the one holding him.
I couldn’t be prouder of him if I tried. He is my heart, my reason, and one of my biggest achievement in life.
3 September 2025 10.29
Well here we bloody go round 37, bag of poison connected and the slow motion execution disguised as treatment slowly drips in , hopefully it will give me months but let’s be honest it feels like death on a payment plan 🙈🙈, this doesnt feel like bravery or inspirational it’s spite, it’s rage , it’s me telling cancer , the universe to go fook itself till I no longer have the strength to lift my middle finger . This isn’t treatment it’s torture on repeat , embalming myself one drip at a time just to spit in deaths face a little longer . I’ll keep showing up keep stretching the clock , I’m here to make sure every tick is louder and messier and more alive than most people manage in there boring beige healthy lives, I’ve hit this chemo tired which is never good but I’ll soldier , I don’t do inspiration quotes I do survival outta spite, brutal Honesty with no filter , Dying not delicate , terminal but never tame, chemo chronicles 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Joseph Love.
3 September 2025 18.51
Imagine the absolute dissapointment that your chemo 37 craving is a harvestor salad bar 😂😂 forever grateful that most people after chemo sit with sick bucket on there knees for days and have a butt plug in just in case and then there’s me 3 course meal and will end up on laxatives the end of the week, in my head I’m doing all
I can to stop the coffin lid closing 🙈🙈 nice chilled out time with Joseph though which I always enjoy , full
Belly happy Kirstin
Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
4 September 2025 08.18
Jacob Blu , you are proof that someone can go through tough and difficult moments and still remain true to yourself, kind and full of love . In a blink of an eye it’s time for year 9, keep that focus , keep the determination and don’t ever stop being loyal to yourself , proud of the young man you’re becoming , love always mum 💕💕💕💕
4 September 2025 12.43
Rushed downstairs to grab an anti sickness 🤢 fell head first into biscuit box instead 😂😂 in a sugar rush kinda state now , sickness feeling gone though win win 💪🏻💪🏻
7 September 2025 10.26
Fook me that’s been a rough one , round 37 the hardest of them all so far , had a moment when it suddenly clicked chuff me I actually feel like I am Poorly sick n dying , because thankfully in many senses usually I don’t feel unwell just extreme fatigue and life at a slower pace and those who know me know slower pace just isn’t me . Woke up this morning shedding like your nans Alsatian , breaking bald for the 3 rd time , couldn’t give 2 shits about hair the only ones that serve any purpose are the nose hairs , I’ll be back dripping snot and unable to tolerate stinky people in asda . So as I’ve seen the light after a brutal few days may the sarcasm remain strong, the chemo slightly less brutal, and may this stubborn bastard continue to haunt us all out of pure spite. Amen.
Chemo chronicles , maybe terminal but will never be tame , have a fantastic day everyone 💪🏻💕
7 September 2025 15.01
Fuck me that many sirens and alarms going off in house at once thought Tony was cooking 😂😂
Kirstin is feeling happy at Bexley Wing St James Hospital.
8 September 2025 11.01
Phew , feeling kinda relieved that reason I’ve felt half dead for days is down to clinical
Error and my chemo being administered 3 times as quick as it should which has heightened side effects , have a fantastic week everyone 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Samuel Love.
8 September 2025 14.19
Oldest charva in my under armour 🙈 saw some TikToks that sweared blind that exercise helps flush out chemo toxins and beats fatigue.
So, like an idiot with Wi-Fi, I believed it and dragged myself and Samuel to the gym
The only thing that got flushed out was my will to live (again).
Chemo fatigue is already devastating, but now I’m sweaty, fucked, one lunge away from shaking hands with Jesus, and feel like I’ve sweated my shread of hope down my arse crack and TikTok owes me a mobility scooter for false info .An hour and didn’t even burn the calories of a 2 finger Kit Kat.
Chemo Chronicles: Terminal but never tame 💪🏻
Kirstin is feeling crazy at St James University Hospital Bexley Wing.
9 September 2025 11.14
Bloods and check up today. Still ruined from yesterday’s gym session, proof that I can’t even out-train terminal cancer. Used to post ‘fit, fat and well’… now it’s just ‘fat, unwell, and waiting to see which gets me first the tumours or the treadmill , the healthy moment lasted an hour I’m much happy with the slow motion car crash with a gym Membership she didn’t use 🙈🙈, either way, the NHS are getting the loyalty card points for my blood donations and thankfully I get the free beans at costa
10 September 2025 11.46
Back in the chair for round 38. At this point it feels less like treatment and more like a hostage situation where the ransom is my dignity, energy and mood. Round 37 felt like it nearly killed me which is funny, because that’s cancer’s actual job description. Talk about redundancy in the workplace. But I’m still here still sarcastic and middle finger up, that isn’t just a screw you cancer that’s making sure no one can use one of my undignified raw treatment pics as my obituary picture for my death announcement 🙈🙈 it’s absolutely freezing in here today and my comment to nurse of I know I’m terminal but I’m not ready to be acclimatised to mortuary temperates yet , she had to walk away as couldn’t contain herself 😂😂 my filters long gone , my sarcasm strong as ever. People ask Why keep doing chemo if it’s so bad, Because every round keeps the clock ticking and my good days still outweigh the bad , and time is the only thing worth fighting for. Not the miracles, not the Hallmark bullshit, just time. More minutes to be sarcastic, more hours to piss cancer off by existing, more days to roast the absurdity of it all. So here’s to round 38: cancer’s the villain, chemo’s the thug, and I’m the stubborn bastard who refuses to leave the stage because I love nothing more than looking deeply into my oncologists eyes and saying I’m still here , still fighting , still baffling you and still brightening your day ,
Chemo chronicles , terminal never tame 💪🏻💪🏻
11 September 2025 06.52
Well that’s Joseph’s and his great pal and business partner Chris new venture up and running , lots of hard work still to do and way too many bags of rubbish still to clear that’s been inherited , but the vision is there , the enthusiasm strong , wish you all the best lads , ps if anyone has any old broken tellys or old plates etc they want rid of drop me a message and I’ll collect ,
11 September 2025 11.23 ·
Hardest thing in the world at times is putting one foot in front of the other and refusing to give in to how your body feels , hit chemo running on empty yesterday after the issues number 37 created , now succumbed to the cough n cold bug that’s been floating around . Feel absolutely shocking but motivated as always. Followed my belly’s desire this morning and trip to Batley for spice n rice and the new Asian supermarket. Topped up on bits in Tesco and that’s me sorted now I’ve got what I need and gonna slug it out at home and potter , the good the bad and the ugly I give you it all , have a fab day everyone
11 September 2025 13.23
Rewatching 9/11 , certainly puts things in perspective, our suffering is nothing compared to there’s 2977 people who left home that morning thinking they’d return , life cruelly cut short in the most horrific way , they didn’t get there goodbyes , they didn’t get to make memories , they didn’t get to put things in place, they wouldn’t of had there affairs in order and provisions made , life cruelly ended in minutes , me and so many of my new found lms warriors take comfort in the fact we are aware our clocks are ticking , we can create chapters. 2977 people who never got that opportunity
13 September 2025 16.11
One thing we always get perfect as a town is gala day. Absolute love it , well done Jacob on your first parade . Hopefully make it up to the fireworks tonight
Kirstin is with Michelle Pitfield.
15 September 2025 09.42
So many emotions floating round my head this past 24 hours , but the biggest one will always be love to the man that stepped in to give me someone to call father in law and the boys someone alongside my dad to call grandad , he fulfilled both roles perfectly and with the sense of pride and commitment that came naturally too him, never judging , kind , caring and loveable and I’ll forever be grateful for the 15 plus years and the countless memories . The past few years haven’t been kind to him and more than anything he’d hate the life he has , bed bound , spoon fed etc , thankfully he’s a great set of carers around him who love him and make sure he knows he’s loved and valued . Yesterday’s phone call that he was breathing but unresponsive and despite my own health the only place I needed to be was by his side and making sure that everyone of his wishes was respected. His daughter and hubby travelled from the Isle of Wight , his ex wife and sister came , Tony’s mum , Tony , he knows who truly loves him , a genuine love , in many senses my grieving process started for John a few years ago as demetia and Parkinson’s took hold and he became a shadow of the man he was , he’s still clinging on today , I truly do hope that now he’s spent the night with his daughter and that our words echo each others of John it’s time to go now , your time on earth is done , go find your loved ones in the sky , that he will slip away peacefully knowing that it’s not just now he’s loved he’s been loved and cherished since the minute he came into my life and I will be forever truly thankful . Go be free John you deserve the rest 💕
16 September 2025 07.25
Up nice n early and getting ahead in preparation for another uncertain day , John bless him is still
Clinging on and could go on for a few more days, grateful To of got to spend lots of time with him
Yesterday and just sit n relax which isn’t something I often do , have a blessed day everyone
17 September 2025 21.37
It’s been 4 very long days , but there’s no place I’d be other than with John so he knows how much he’s loved , valued and treasured . The nursing home staff that’s looked after him So well for 5 years are now looking after me really well And for that I’m so grateful , he’s had some lovely visits which have been uplifting for us both. Peace is not yet upon him But we pray it will be soon. This assisted dying needs sorting cos we wouldn’t leave an animal To Struggle for every breath for 4 long days and be nil By mouth , more than anything as humans we deserve a peaceful dignified death .
18 September 2025 21.32
Into the arms of the angels . Peace is now upon you john , thank you for all the happy years you gave me and my family , you’ll be remembered with love , fly high 💕💕
21 September 2025 13.13
More than anything today craved a day of normality , nice little shopping trip to white rose with Jacob , few Christmas presents bought , crack into a bit of housework this afternoon ready for a busy week next week. Have a fab day everyone 💪🏻
Kirstin is at St James’s University Hospital.
22 September 2025 10.34
Un fit , still fat and unwell , hit with god knows what infections , let’s see what bloods reveal
23 September 2025 15.48
I don’t mind admitting I’m struggling right now. For the longest time I had no fear of my own mortality the only death I’d witnessed was my dad’s, and his passing was so peaceful it gave me a strange sense of calm about my own.
But last week sitting with John for 5 long days, and it’s rattled me in a way I never wanted to feel. Seeing that kind of suffering has left me with a fear and heaviness I wasn’t prepared for.
I’ve handled my terminal cancer with as much strength as I could, but this has knocked me sideways. I’m not okay and I think it’s important to say that out loud.
24 September 2025 11.01
Round 39 of chemo today. I should have a loyalty card by now 39 rounds, still breathing , still turning up . It’s taken every scrap of bloody minded determination to get this far with terminal cancer, but watching John die last week shoved the fear of it into my chest and, weirdly, turned it into fuel. I was more determined than ever to step through these doors today, if pushing through this keeps me from reaching the end soon, hopefully his death will feel further from my mind.
Jacobs with me, my 13-year-old sidekick, schools shut after the dining-room roof caved in. He’s happy being here though , we laugh with other patients and staff, it’s part of a life lesson for him in compassion .
Life keeps testing its structural integrity. Roofs fall in, people fall apart, grief hands you a very clear timetable and it taught me how quick the lights can go out. Still not today. Round 39. I’m stubborn, I’m furious, and I’m here and as always biggest middle finger up. Chemo chronicles , terminal never tame , raw reality Have a fab day everyone
24 September 2025 13.06
Question people always ask does chemo make me sick , no it doesn’t thankfully , but the shite I eat during and after defo does 🙈🙈 grease overload on way home 😂😂😂
25 September 2025 09.53
Today’s intention spangle out on sofa to ride the tide of yesterdays chemo , today’s reality ceiling just caved , so day of cleaning tidying and tip runs. Happy fooking days , feel like without bad luck be having no luck at min. Any recommendations for a plasterer please
26 September 2025 20.03
Rock n roll Friday night , glass of milk , penicillin and bed , have a fab weekend everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin shared a memory.
27 September 2025 21.04
There’s people who appear In your life and there memories never leave you. Such a good friend who always knew the right things to say but equally often put her foot in it 😂 forever remembered forever missed , hope there’s a Hoffman’s in heaven and she treats me to a pork pie
28 September 2025 20.50
What a few weeks that’s been, Cancer wrecked my immune system, Covid tried to finish me off, and a boob abscess had the audacity to join the party , never been so poorly but with anti virals and antibiotics I’m through it and ready for a better week. Think I’ve defo earnt every mouthful of this 💪🏻💪🏻
30 September 2025 12.19
Stairs of doom 🙄🙄 quick fit , still fat and back well
Ish but bloods will reveal whether I’ve bounced back enough yet , steroids day which is good job as well cos got shite loads to do , have a great day everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
1 October 2025 12.59
Well, here we are. My 40th round of chemo for terminal leiomyosarcoma. When I was first stamped with an “expiry date,” nobody thought I’d make it this far certainly not my oncology team yet here I am like a cockroach , as much as sadness came with johns passing outliving him was one of my big goals so that he always had me in his corner close by , next goal is still the corned beef 💪🏻💪🏻 7 mths to go .
But the other week I’d decided this is it my last chemo for now, nice round number .Not the doctors’ decision. Not the family’s. Mine. My body is absolutely knackered, and to be honest, living without an immune system has already tried to kill me off twice recently. In a family of five, you can’t exactly quarantine yourself in a bubble.
Chemo’s been slowly stripping away all the things I love, and for what To feel half-alive. This morning I found out my kidneys are packing in too, which only confirmed itI’m not bowing out I’m calling the shots and giving my body and mind the rest and recovery time it needs .
I’ll miss my “coffee mornings” on the chemo ward but maybe I can trade them for carvery dates because going out for meals is one thing I’ve really missed , my body works at half strength and speed now so during the day I don’t get the time and come tea time I just want to sofa surf , tour de restaurants hopefully start soon.
This isn’t the end I want to make that clear. This is me tearing up the script and writing my own bloody chapter.
At round 22, I was told: “Walk away. Focus on quality over quantity.” But I said screw that, and dragged it all the way to 40. Because stubbornness is big part of my character .
So today, no middle finger up to cancer not because it doesn’t deserve it, but because I don’t need to. Today I’ve got a smile, a silent prayer, and the satisfaction of knowing I’ve already beaten the odds, rewrote the rules, and lived way past the best-before date.
Scan in a few weeks to see what fresh nonsense awaits and an oncologist that will no doubt roll his eyes at me when I’m telling him what I’m doing rather than other way round but Until then carveries, chaos, and maybe a massive autumn clean ready for Christmas without worrying about neutropenic sepsis as a side order waiting to take me out . Peace out , as always , chemo chronicles , terminal never tame , my suffering could one day be your survival guide 💪🏻💪🏻💕💕
2 October 2025 11.52
Well seen as the mother declined me a catch up and lunch date , I changed direction headed cas for glefhill pork pie and bun , £200 later forgot what I’d originally gone for but got some Christmas presents 🎁 will have food monk on all day , duck n dive mother .
3 October 2025 12.09
Helped a pal out this morning and then get a ping for a £100 premium bond win , defo good karma. If you can be anything in this world be kind. No one knows what people are going through , no one knows the truth behind the lies , have a fab day everyone
5 October 2025 09.20
Woohoo fell asleep at 7 and spun the clock round , most defo needed it. I’ll be at sainsburys doors for them opening , massive roast on the menu for today and potter about getting sorted after a rough few days, have a cracking day everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
5 October 2025 16.36
Winter mode activated , if you like ginger omg thank me later for the recommendation of the m And s cookies 💪🏻
7 October 2025 13.42
Knew when my 4 crumpets didn’t touch sides this morning be a dinner out , cheers Joseph 🙈🙈 full belly happy Kirstin 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin Cullen is eating breakfast at Toby Carvery.
8 October 2025 10.44
Gotta stop that coffin lid from closing 🙈🙈 lovely breakfast and catch up with a good friend 💪🏻
9 October 2025 21.10
Walk by Pablo and he says to me “ hello chicken “ Tony walks by and he said “ hello dickhead “
God I love this bird 😂😂😂😂
Kirstin is at Seacroft Hospital.
11 October 2025 14.23
Ct scan time Can’t change what the results will show in a few weeks that part’s already written.
All I can say is I’ve dragged myself through every round, every scan, every sleepless night, and still showed up swinging.
I’ve pushed past every boundary my body tried to set, told pain to get in line, and stared fear dead in the eye till it blinked first.
Whatever this scan says, it doesn’t get the final word.
I’ve lived harder, louder, and more honestly than most people ever dare — and that’s something no tumours can touch
13 October 2025 07.48
Today’s your day John. The day we celebrate your life, the day we think over the fantastic memories you gave us and the love you fetched to our family , you’ll be forever remembered with love 💕
Kirstin is with Michelle Pitfield and Tara Louise.
14 October 2025 11.16
Beautiful send off for John yesterday , lovely for all his family by blood and marriage to gather together to honour his life . This morning he starts his next journey down to the Isle of Wight with his daughter , Grandaughter and great grandson where he’ll rest till May and then we will
Scatter him , new goal Set May 2026 💪🏻. Been a very hectic few days but one that’s been filled with love and laughter and I’m So grateful For the friendship I have with the Michelle , Tara and James , they’ve been the biggest blessing John could of brought to me 💕💕 safe travels
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
16 October 2025 07.54
Well finally made time for me yesterday , those who I’ve seen / spoken too over past few weeks know I’ve been in a lot of pain . Isn’t down to the uti that would be too simple 🙄turns out the last few rounds of chemo have packed their bags and quit, and my main tumour, after two years of behaving itself, has decided to grow again and start pressing on things it really shouldn’t.
Not wanting to miss out on the drama, my liver tumours which this chemo once did such a lovely job of shrinking have now decided to regrow. Overachievers. Honestly, it’s like my insides are hosting a comeback tour no one asked for.
But before anyone gets sad don’t. I refuse to let this deflate me. I’ve already outlived my sell-by date, so technically I’m running on bonus time, and I fully intend to keep causing trouble, being sarcastic and loving life for as long as I can 💪🏻 as always screw you can , terminal but never tame , chemo chronicles may of ended up cannabis chronicles may be about to begin , I don’t think it will help but will defo have fun along the way 🙈
17 October 2025 10.17
Well, it only took 47 years, a terminal diagnosis, and running out of actual fucks to give… but I’ve finally done drugs last night 🙈
One hit of THC and I was suddenly higher than my white blood cell count ever was. Spent the evening half-blind, half-floating, and fully realising I’ve been missing out for decades. Slept like a sedated saint and woke up with less pain and more personality than chemo ever gave me.
So yeah the Chemo Chronicles are officially over.
Welcome to the Cannabis Chronicles: darker, funnier, and slightly more paranoid.
Terminal, but never tame gonna be high till I die 🙈 don’t send sympathy send snacks cos jeeez that stuff makes you bloody starving 😂😂
17 October 2025 18.24
When you see the drug addicts in wakey with signs up saying hungry and homeless , fook that mine would just say fooking starving .
But hunger isn’t just for food.
I’m starving for a body that isn’t a full-time betrayal.
Starving for a day that doesn’t feel like an endurance test.
Starving for conversation that isn’t people awkwardly calling me “brave” while looking like they’ve swallowed a lemon dipped in pity.
Newsflash: I’m not brave.
I’m just too stubborn to die quietly.
People love the “inspirational cancer warrior” Sorry love , Ive become a drug user 🙈swear too much,
and still wake up shocked I’m not dead yet.
You don’t get saintly when you’re terminal.
You get feral.
You stop pretending.
You stop playing nice.
Half the “healthy” people out there aren’t even living just clocking in to existence, saving their dreams and money for a someday that’ll never come. So yeah. My sign wouldn’t say hungry and homeless. It’d say: Fucking starving. Still high. Still dying. Still me
My mouth may be in slow motion tonight with a slight dribble 😂 but my head and typing working at 100mph , day 2 at rebelling at life and morals
Cannabis chronicles terminal but never tame, high till I die 💪🏻💪🏻
18 October 2025 17.36
Munchies 😋😋💪🏻
Kirstin is at Bexley Wing St James Hospital.
19 October 2025 08.28
Not where I wanted to end the weekend but where I knew it would end , let’s hope there on the ball And I’m Home as quick as possible
19 October 2025 18.37
Fresh flowers cheers Samuel Love and my fave cream bun. Just need bedtime to come round quickly as should only be one 4 o clock in a day 💪🏻💪🏻
23 October 2025 09.02
Woohoo kicking off the half term with 2 inset days , defo need this 11 days with no alarm clock , don’t know what we will end up doing or going but love the freedom school
Holidays bring 💕💪🏻
23 October 2025 17.22
When people say “ there just a pet “ no there not there so much more than that , genuine pet lovers will understand how much a dog can give whilst requiring so little in return , there’s many moments this past few years where they’ve motivated me , showed me unconditional love, the world would be such a better place if we all had 4 legs and fur 💕🐶
24 October 2025 12.56
Rough evening and night last night I was up n down with a temp and lottie up n down with shits , just a shame our timings didn’t combine , feel good today and managed a nice few hours out with Jacob and lunch, gotta ride the rough times and enjoy the good times 💪🏻💪🏻 have a fab day everyone
28 October 2025 08.35
Finally saw my elusive oncologist yesterday , Professor Stark he’s been dodging me since mid August like I’m a bad Tinder date. He started by saying seeing me legging it to Costa before my appointment made him realise it was time to put something on the table. (Probably figured anyone still sprinting for a latte clearly isn’t done yet.)
From day one of this shitty arse diagnosis, it’s never been about a cure just a fight for time. And somehow, I’ve blagged over two years of bonus rounds. Two new offers have now been laid out, and it’s up to me which road I take next no pressure, just life and death as usual So, he’s given me 4 weeks to decide 4 weeks to detox from 40 rounds of chemo and give my body half a chance before the next chapter begins.
As ever, thank you all for the support, kindness, and inappropriate jokes that keep me going, thanks as always for listening to my openness on this journey , my suffering may one day be someone’s survival guide , terminal but never tame , Still caffeinated, still sarcastic, and still here trying to squeeze in another chapter before the final credits roll. As always massive middle finger up to cancer , have a fab day everyone
Kirstin is at Meadowhall.
30 October 2025 12.02
Just a mum and son questioning why the hell they thought meadowhell in school hols was a good idea . Get me outta here 🙈
3 November 2025 12.28
When they try sell you an extended warranty , nah pal
6 mths be fine 🙈🙈 may be terminal but will never be tame 😂
5 November 2025 19.19
So pleased poppie and lottie give zero shits to the fireworks , Lottie happily watching them all through window , feel for all the dogs and veterans that suffer because of them
5 November 2025 19.05
3 months ago Tony declared he was gonna do couch to 5 k , he’s mastered the couch just wondering when the 5 k will start 🙈😂😂
6 November 2025 10.31
Lovely breakfast and catch up with Sarah Padden this morning thank you for your kindness always , candle lit in Wakefield Cathedral for those no longer with us, and for those still battling through the chaos. There’s something weirdly grounding about sitting there with a tiny flame, thinking about how fragile it all is and yet, somehow, we keep burning, occasionally sputtering, occasionally swearing, but still burning.
For the ones we’ve lost I hope you’re causing good trouble wherever you are and are at peace . For the rest of us still stumbling along down here , keep going, keep laughing, keep setting fire to the darkness . Peace and love to you all 💕💕
Kirstin was looking for recommendations.
8 November 2025 13.15
Has anyone ever been for a seafood boil and if so where would you recommend, I know there’s one in Wakefield but don’t ever say any reviews about it
9 November 2025 19.48
Lovely remembrance parade today , lest we forget 💕
11 November 2025 13.14
Handling terminal cancer isn’t for the faint hearted.
It’s not some inspirational movie it’s chaos, exhaustion, and trying to keep your head above water while life keeps throwing bricks. People tell you to stay strong as if you’ve got a choice. The truth is, mental resilience isn’t optional it’s survival and the only way to fight , its a hell of a lot harder when you’re surrounded by people whose moods swing harder than your scan results. It’s weird how the ones who offer to lift you up are often the same ones who’ve been quietly kicking your legs out from under you. Or the one ones who say I’m here for you anytime are the ones you never hear from . Some days I handle it with grace, other days I handle it with sarcasm and a strong urge to throw something, today I handle it with a paintbrush and decorate , But I’m still here still fighting, still laughing, still winding everyone up , still getting the hatred , If that’s not resilience, I don’t know what is. Terminal but never tame , raw truth , my suffering might one day be someone’s survival guide 💪🏻
peace out 💕💕
11 November 2025 20.00
When I asked for better temperatures meant the weather not my body ffs . Hopefully sleep
It off 💪🏻
12 November 2025 07.08
Woohooo slept the clock round. Temperature settled and back to an ice cold heart 🙈🙈 to the people who checked in on me yesterday thank you , to those who kept kicking my legs from
Me a bigger thank you , hopefully get in doctors first thing and get some antibiotics to get infection under control and then crack on with finishing decorating Jacobs bedroom cos there’s enough half finished jobs in this house without adding more to list 😂😂 peace out have a fab day everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
Jacob Love is with Kirstin and Tony Love.
16 November 2025 20.33
When you try drawing a portrait and realise your diagnosis says autistic, not artistic:
😂😂😂😂 you’ve done the pre cosmetic surgery and dental implants pic , don’t be picking art as a gcse son 🙈🙈
17 November 2025 08.29
Sometimes we walk sometimes we sit and watch , today my body dictated we watch , Debbie Murthick Russel was looking for you
Kirstin is feeling blessed at St James’s University Hospital.
17 November 2025 16.21
Quick port flush at st James , still fit , still fat , still relatively well , still refusing to live a beige life , still not ditching the sarcasm, won’t make life easy for others , still learning Pablo new phrases jeeeez that bird gonna haunt this house , abcess burst so again no third tit , still on antibiotics and on max dose of codeine so literally full of shit 🙈🙈 live for the moment , tommorrow is guaranteed for none of us 💕💪🏻💪🏻
19 November 2025 06.58
Woohoo tucked up in bed fast asleep at half 7 last night , feel amazing this morning , get some more Christmas shopping cracked off today , keep saying I’m done with it but keep buying more , if you can’t treat your family who can you treat , have a fab day everyone 💕💕
19 November 2025 17.58
There’s nothing funnier than the dissapointment in Tony’s face that his 4 cheese vegetarian ravioli from m and s didn’t contain meat 🙄🙄😂😂
21 November 2025 15.09
Whatever he’s got I certainly don’t want , never known our Joseph so poorly , takes alot to knock him off his feet but this certainly has , hasn’t surfaced in 3 days but definately nice to have him home 💕💕
Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
22 November 2025 13.57
Tony’s officially succumbed to Joseph’s man-flu plague and has now joined the poorly, sick & permanently welded to the sofa club. Took advantage and came out for lunch with Jacob . Think I over faced with a xl mixed grill . It’s like an emotional Support animal On a plate , got to keep That coffin lid from Closing though 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is at St James’s University Hospital.
24 November 2025 12.15
Only a few knew I was going today as it had to be my decision for the right reasons and not be guided. As much as I’d decided to pull a 9 week treatment break the cancer had other ideas and forced the break as treatment stopped being effective and we saw growth which increased pain levels 10 fold plus the biggest sting my love for food started dying 😢😢 5 weeks ago I was given 3 choices , take an absolute wild card of a chemo , clinical trials ( sadly none recruiting for my cancer ) or do nothing . Didn’t make my decision until last night, last min as always but looks like I’m gonna be breaking bald for a 4 th time , Barbie crack back pending and Round 41 in the pipeline hopefully before Christmas if they can get a baseline ct scan booked in quickly. They’ve adapted it for me as it’s a 11 hour infusion which in good health I couldn’t sit for that long and now would be impossible so it’s an overnight impatient job.
As always screw you cancer
Terminal but never tame
It’s a fight I won’t win but I’ll fight to squeeze out every bit of bonus time , 26 mths into a 6 mth prognosis 💪🏻
24 November 2025 15.48
Imagine really looking forward to cooking and eating a nice fresh leg of lamb, imagine sending Tony up to Asda to grab some vegetables to go with it , imagine my face when he comes home with this 🙄🙄 25 I’ve cooked for the family and cooked nothing but fresh veg , looking forward to this said no one ever 🙈🙈😂😂😂
26 November 2025 09.30
36 hours into codeine withdrawal so I can have a long and meaningful shit 😂😂 mood horrific, sweats awful, want to throat punch everyone, have a fantastic day everyone , well unless your your in my company cos that will be horrific 💪🏻💪🏻 the good the bad and the ugly I give you it all 🙈😂
27 November 2025 20.22
Woohoo officially that time of year when mums are saying put that back it’s for Christmas 🎅
1 December 2025 17.15
Fooking hell , unless you want your fanny to feel like you’ve rode every cock in 5 towns I defo wouldn’t reccomend this for a relaxing soak 🙈🙈
3 December 2025 09.04
5 am start and super motivated , found bottom of wash basket , run round all my errands , what a change from yesterday when breathing was causing excruciating pain leaving me in tears and tony having to do a mercy dash to hospital for morphine , no 2 days are ever the same , ride the tide and take the rough with the smooth. Have a fab day everyone 💪🏻💪🏻
4 December 2025 15.50
Ringing the hospital and saying I’m due to come in Monday for an infusion of cyanide probably wasn’t my best choice of mixed up words 😂😂 gave the nurses a giggle though 🙈🙈 💪🏻
5 December 2025 11.38
Blood test done ✔️
Survived the bedlam of Costco ✔️
Quick m and s shop at crown point ✔️
Get this ironing pile cracked off and
Chill out to watch a Christmas movie , when people say how do you do it , I force myself to do it , I may be losing more of my body each month to cancer but 90% of the time I don’t let it take my mind or determination , too many people lay down and play victim to the hand there dealt , if you lose your mind you’ve lost your fight 💪🏻💪🏻 have a cracking weekend everyone
Kirstin is at Rassams creamery 1.
5 December 2025 19.46
Yum Yum ,
6 December 2025 15.28
I won’t be sending Christmas cards this year, I’m too bone idle to sit and write them and no way am I paying £1.70 per stamp for the cards to sit in whitwood sorting office for weeks cos there that short staffed there only delivering parcels not letters. We will however make a donation to a charity 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Joseph Love.
7 December 2025 10.25
How he’s managed to get to 20 god only knows , the one that’s constantly kept us on our toes , the one I always worried about but more than ever he’s shown the past year he’s the son that’s got more sense and maturity than he’ll ever let on too . Happy 20 th birthday Joseph , some of my fave pics of you
8 December 2025 17.52
Well here we are , stepping back on the hamster wheel and round 41 of chemo , it’s an absolute wild card and comes with many risks but when your life’s compromised anyway why not take a chance , if it fooks up it’s classed as research 🙈🙈 16 hour drip , they lied told me it was 11, thankfully I’m an inpatient so have luxury of a bed not a chair , the food however 🤢🤢 defo be a just eat order going in 🙈
9 December 2025 10.30
Pffft what a nights sleep that was , everyone sounded like they was either giving birth or fighting with themselves . Had a little doctor input in the night and needed an extra drip to flush my bladder through and blood sugars are 18.4 😳 but let’s face it I’ve eaten my way through cancer so it would be no suprise if diabetes was on the cards 🙈🙈 never really thought any of my symptoms would be anything but down to terminal cancer so it’s kinda a bonus if there down to something else that can be controlled . Was hoping to be hot footing it outta the hospital this morning but that’s up in air 🤷♀️ massive bonus though the pain in my lung that’s plagued me for weeks , left me dependant on morphine just to get a bit of comfort and to lessen the constant stitch I have in it that makes even breathing painful magically dissapeared when they gave me high dose steroids before chemo yesterday , a pain free 24 hours has been such a blessing and worth being subjected to a night at the mercy of the nhs . Have a fantastic day everyone and thank you for the constant love and support you show me 💪🏻
9 December 2025 13.05
Home sweet home, what screams I was bored silly in hospital yesterday more than the constant stream of parcels , nhs may be free but the cost of being in a ward having to have curtains closed and lights off because someone was end of life came at a cost
10 December 2025 07.49
Round 41 flowing round me and hopefully hitting where it needs to but I can feel zero effects from it and now questioning whether this absolute wild card of a chemo is actually weakened ribena , but mentally I feel better knowing there’s something inside me. The pain that’s plagued me has thankfully stayed away for another day , bonus. But the steroids Oh my days , they didn’t give me a dose they forcefed me a family sized bag of Satan’s Smarties. I’ve been wide awake since 4am, vibrating like a fridge with a dodgy motor, and sweating like I’m melting my soul out through my skin.
My brain is running 100 tabs at once, making lists I’ll never complete and having arguments with imaginary people and winning.
The steroid rage jeez I’ve missed this .
Let’s just say one wrong move or one wrong word and my mouth could launch 🙈🙈
So if you dare cross my path in Tesco this morning god help you , Those half price beef roasting joints Mine.
Step in my way of the nicest looking beef joint or leg of lamb and I’ll bury you in the frozen mixed veg only to be found when Tony fooks up the shopping list again . A good friend is accompanying me , wonder which team she’ll side with , team satan or team pensioner just wanting a cheap bit of meat .
Death might be on my calendar, but Tesco shoppers are on my hit list today
Terminal, feral, and absolutely not here to play nice. Today I’m a devil with a club card
Have a fantastic day everyone , I know I’m gonna be 💪🏻💪🏻
11 December 2025 08.07
Steroid head day 2, quick trip to cas this morning to take shit loads of stuff back I ordered whilst clearly not thinking straight 🙄🙄 head and mouth working at different speeds this morning so will defo be fun 😂😂 got my emotional head on as well , Christmas this year isn’t gonna be a great time for many , through illness , deaths and the cost of living crisis . We always do what we can at Christmas to help those less fortunate but I always do my thorough research as one thing I won’t be is taken for a ride . This year as always we will be helping the well Project . There running really low on toiletries and tinned meat ( corned beef 🙈) sorry I can’t bear to buy them any tins not while I’m Fighting to out live mine ( April 26 💪🏻) , if anyone can help please either drop in a donation bin in asda , Lidl and library or I’ll happily take them in at my house , kettles always on if anyone fancies a brew . I’m Equally happy if people want to leave a donation towards a bulk shop for them .
There’s also 2 children facing a very bleak Christmas nearby through extreme circumstances and this is 100% legit . 3 year old girl and 8 year old boy , if anyone has anything they could spare to help them have some Christmas magic it would be much appreciated , no child at that age should face Xmas without magic . We’ve ordered some cosy pyjamas for them as ultimately when your money is short your gas is too , if anyone can spare a gift it would be so appreciated and passed on through correct Chanel. They always say it takes a village to raise a child , could we be these kids village this year , have an amazing day everyone 💪🏻
12 December 2025 07.49
Woohoo 4.30 am start , full of energy , 3 loads of washing done , kitchen cleaned , lovely early morning chat with my mum , good to offload your emotions , we don’t get given good days we create good days and mines gonna be fab 💪🏻
Tony Love is with Kirstin
13 December 2025 16.17
Kirstin was brought into Leeds hospital early last night in massive amounts of pain. Doctors are trying to work out the source of the pain and how to manage. Might take a few days. I hope she feels better soon and back home where we can keep an eye on her but know she is in a place where they can manage this level of pain. The plan for tonight is to sedate her so she gets at least a good night’s sleep as that’s whats lacking. Love you and hate seeing you in so much pain, hope they find the reason soon.
Kirstin is with Samuel Love
14 December 2025 12.55
Well what a 36 hours that was . One minute I’m sat eating a Chinese on sofa next minute screaming , crying , crawling , swearing in pain to a level I’ve never even known to exist . Emergency dash to st James where Tony hit every pot hole , white line and speed bump and I could barely sit in car let alone walk . The pain they believe is something going off in my liver and the plan is to get the pain under control and get me home. They did plan to sedate me yesterday to give my body a rest but they couldn’t wake me to give consent 🙈. They can’t do an emergency ct scan as for 36 hours I’ve been largely unable to lay other than on my left side , so to do a scan would be impossible . A lovely oncologist who saw me yesterday has been again this morning and can see the change in me , pain isn’t under control yet but at times it’s manageable. We’ve had a good talk I’ve been brutally honest , would I be any other . Last nights 7 pm morphine , steroids and paracetamol didn’t get given till 10pm , 9 pm slow release morphine didn’t get given till 11 and they never woke me to give me night time meds , today’s 11 am morphine has only just arrived. How can they get it under control if they can’t give it regular to build it up . He’s agreed that because I’m very sensible 🙈😂 and very in tune with my body he’s gonna formulate a timetable , do a big prescription and hopefully get me home tonight with an open access back in if needed. Thank you everyone as always for the love for me and my family , it honestly means the world ,
As always the good the bad the ugly I give you it all , terminal but never tame , cancer can take my body but won’t take my head or smile 💪🏻💪🏻
14 December 2025 14.00
Today free nhs offering versus marks and Spencer’s unexpected item in bagging area free offering in Gledhow wing , rebel for life 🙈😂😂
14 December 2025 22.21
Home sweet home finally 💕 thank you for all
The love 💪🏻
16 December 2025 09.28
Steroided up and heart on the line today , 29 mths ago I was given 6 months to live , I’ve fought like a fooking lion and hopefully through my own strenght so many people have seen that they too can dig deep , always said one day my suffering could be someone else’s survival guide. Those 3 days in hospital this weekend gave me far too much time in my own head which is something i always try and avoid so I can keep the mental resilience needed to stay strong, too search for the positives in such a shit situation and try make the most of every day. Today deep thought is my fight has just prolonged the suffering for those close to me , there trapped in a situation of knowing I’m dying but watching me live. I’ve a 13 year old son who talks about me in the past and present terms, his influential years taunted by cancer , a 20 year old who struggles to look at me cos he struggles to process it all, a 24 year old who try’s so hard to support when asked but really struggles and easily led the wrong way. Tony who’s absolutely lost and has such a hatred for the world and everyone in it but it’s me that takes the brunt of his suffering and confusion. Everything he’s worked so hard for over the years to give us a good future is ripped away. My poor mum , not only suffering the loss of my dad to terminal cancer but now facing it with me , who’s gonna push her along Bridlington seafront when she’s old and treat her to fish and chips, I’ve avoided seeing her past few days as I knew she’d be first one to give me a hug and all this would burst out of me . In so many ways I think if I hadn’t of fought my families suffering would have been over now, there lifes would have moved on and they’d of found a new happy balance . I try keep busy to distract my mind and it works perfect for me , 3 days in hospital has destroyed the mental peace that I’ve worked so hard to keep. But today the tears have come , I’ve blubbed alone like a baby , I’ve let it out , I needed too. I don’t need checking in on , I’m ok , I just needed to say out loud to allow me to play fight song on repeat, dust myself off and get back in the saddle. I always said the good the bad and the ugly your having it all and there you have it. I don’t often do emotion but sometimes you can’t hold back.
Operation outlive the corned beef continues April 2026 💪🏻💪🏻
16 December 2025 20.10
Today the DWP couldn’t have timed that phone call better today .
Hello, we’re calling from the DWP Benefit Claimant Line to speak about Kirstin love, Well that’s awkward I said, is that because according to your paperwork I should be dead by now but crack on. There’s a pause from her. The kind where a soul leaves a body and she thinks she’s talking to a ghost . Then she starts talking .
We’re reviewing claims and noted you were automatically awarded enhanced rate PIP in October 2023 due to terminal illness… with a life expectancy of less than 12 months And that’s when I laughed too much 😂😂 might of wet my pants a bit too 🙈🙈 I said oh So this is the bit where someone’s realised you gave me a lifetime award and forgot to define whose lifetime. She sniggered she apologised that she was struggling to stay professional and I said laugh with me, the system’s fucked and it’s not her job to unfuck it. So where do we go from here I asked.Because I’m guessing the DWP is fairly raging that they’re still sending me £737 every four weeks to a white, British, born and bred woman who has selfishly refused to die on schedule. Especially as it’s an auto-award no assessments , no one can report me in for being able to do everything cos I never had to say what I couldn’t do , so does it actually matter that I can hop, skip, jump, cook a roast and wipe my own arse without assistance. She says I’m really struggling to stay professional I said Good because im struggling to die on everyone’s schedule. Then she asks bless her
Can I just check… is the money being used to support your disability and make life easier?”
I said, Absolutely not. It’s blood money. It’s guilt money. You throw it at me because I’m dying and hope it shuts me up. I can’t spend it on anything meaningful because I refuse to die surrounded by next furniture bought with a prognosis.
So I waste it. I honour it properly. Takeaways. Cream buns. Meals out. And whatever’s left before the next PIP day, I give away so it can cleanse itself of me.
I said if your writing down outcomes it’s made me fat, my knees are shot, my tits are in freefall, putting socks on feels like exercise , and I’m one biscuit away from diabetes. So no it hasn’t helped me. By now we’re both laughing totally inappropriately and she’s loving me and my brutal honesty . I said On the upside, every payment delays the coffin lid another four weeks.
I told her, I’m terminal, not tame. Dying, not domesticated. And if the state wants to keep paying me to exist out of spite, I’ll keep eating the takeaways and cream buns whilst wiping my own arse .
And somewhere in my dwp record a budget is bleeding, there regretting my life time award. I’m still here, alive, inappropriate, and costing them £737 every four weeks purely on principle 😂😂😂😂
17 December 2025 07.27
Fresh new day , and feeling Oki ish . Today I won’t spend time in my own head , won’t end up
A blubbering mess , won’t go Xmas shopping and blame the expense on couldnt see prices properly cos eyes were blurred from crying , won’t sit and wrap presents in bed while opening peoples chocolates and eating all my favourites before wrapping , won’t give my mum
A emergency sos to get her quick and make her walk into me turning into emotional ferel beast steroided up and letting every single thing go from
My chest but fuck me I needed that , won’t smile and say I’m Ok if I’m Not 💪🏻💪🏻
But steroided up anything could and will happen but you know what I actually don’t care. I needed yesterday , I needed the vent , I needed the hilarious call with Dwp. Her ending was classic , well
Mrs love I’ll ring the next person no doubt there claiming because of severe mental health and can’t leave the house and all
I’ll hear as back ground noise is the hustle and bustle of a Wetherspoons and Christmas music all
While they try crying to me they’ve not left house for 2 years 😂
Have an absolutely amazing
Day yesterday . You lot certainly brightened mine and I read every comment, every message and ate the buns left on my door 🐷 enjoyed my couple of hours out with a good friend and enjoyed the emotional hugs I received . Love to you all 💕💕
17 December 2025 18.56
Walked straight into that one while Xmas shopping in nike with joe . Joe does Jess wear these invisible socks cos there a right bargain, how the fuck would I know if she wears invisible socks cos there invisible 😂😂😂
Tony Love is with Kirstin.
17 December 2025 23.28
Well things have settled a bit, the question mark over where we will spend Christmas is ever present, but time will tell. I was thinking today that there really is only 2 sets of people who choose you, pick you as someone they want. Your parents, children and other relatives don’t, they end up with you and mold you to what they think you should be, friends and partners pick you for who you are and Kirstin is both, she picked me. I’ve done well in life and always wanted to stride to be the best and for many years achieved that, but my thoughts and clarity have been hazy since the day she told me it was terminal, she didn’t die that day but a part of me did, the part that wanted to achieve, to do better because ultimately she was always my reason and desire to do better, be better. It really doesn’t matter where we spend Christmas as it’s the people who make it special not the gifts or decorations, we have made our little circle, our little life and I may have to continue the journey alone, I know my boys will do what they can but they have their own lives, goals and dreams. Kirstin told me we all end up a dusty picture on someone’s fireplace I just never expected it would be hers.
The future has always been clear but now it’s hazy at best.
Every day she fights, fights to get up, fights to do basic things and every day she shows us all what it means to live beyond what’s expected of us and defy the odds.
18 December 2025 08.49
Sometimes the big achievements are irrelevant and the tiny steps mean so much , 2 days running ive done what I’ve done since Jacob started high school and walked him up to The park with the dogs to see him off with his friends . God I’ve missed doing that this past few weeks 💕💕 alarm clock now switched off for 17 days , woohoo enjoy your rest teachers and children but most importantly enjoy the time with the ones you love , it’s definately not about whats under the tree ( unless it’s a fooking chopping board) it’s about who’s round it , enjoy every moment 💕💕
18 December 2025 10.34
Sensible me not often around , I have a CT scan today must prepare responsibly
Terminal Me Haven’t shit for 7 days. My bowel has gone to sleep cheers morphine.
They need a clear scan not a full shopping trolley of my bowel filled with cream buns, fillet o fish Happy Meals (yep new steroid craving) Chinese and Greggs bacon sarnies cheers dwp for my obesity money. Four days of laxatives, Result One fart with more energy than my whole body that echoed my who journey from the sofa to kitchen and achieved absolutely fuck all . Right now my organs are being held hostage and will be hid behind my bulging bowel . I’ve 6 hours to Sort this out , the tub of Vaseline might have to question its actual purpose and my middle finger I’ve solely reserved for cancer might be getting redeployed . Fuck my life 🙈😂😂😂
Terminal but never take.
The good, the bad, the ugly — I give you it all. 🖕suggestions please 😂😂
18 December 2025 13.34
3 hours to go , fillet o fish happy meal, double cheeseburger , coffee and bag of liquorice torpedos , not so much as a fart 😂😂 bet you any money minute I get off the ct scan I’m in loo for an hour 🙈🙈
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
18 December 2025 18.55
Ct scan done , let’s hope they can see through all
The shite 🙈🙈 not gonna chase the results because ultimately my results are already written I don’t need the confirmation this side of Christmas as to what my body already knows . The only C word we need to worry about is Christmas oh and chicken cos who doesn’t deserve to sink into a bargain bucket for behaving cheers dwp 🙈🙈 mother will be moaning tomorrow she’s put 3 lb on. Thanks mum for everything and being at my side always through good the bad and the ugly and being the best player at ducking and diving when I’m steroided up 💕
19 December 2025 13.53
On running women’s trainers uk size 8. Bought in summer for £150
From jd with good intentions whilst on steroids 🙈😂 reality is I wore them once on sofa to watch call The midwife. Never been worn outside , would make a fab gift, still retailing at same price. Make me an offer ,
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.
20 December 2025 08.21
Well good morning ans hello the weekend . Amazing how much differently a week can start and end . But every bump in the road is a lesson , a reminder , a learning curve and this week has definately been one. It’s weird certain things I’ve over thinked this week and little triggers that have become major deep thought provoking moments . One that has wound me up , a group that always pops up on my news feed , edit my photo, people asking oh can you merge these pics to include my son as I never got a pic of my son with his gran and she died when he was 4, I wanna comment wtf didn’t you, someone asking can you remove the dirt of my sons knee and I wanna say have the pic with story he fell just before the picture but we just laughed , best one can you remove my double chin , I wanna say no love you ate the fucking buns you’ve got the Chins, why would you want a pic of you that looks nothing like the takeaway loaded you , so many times people ask to merge a family member into a picture and I think fuck u if you didn’t want them there for the moment you took it why include them now when there dead . Oh and another one ( steroid ramble is like a tube of Pringles once you pop ) can you please tidy up the background on this pic , and I think look love your house is lived in the picture captures the toys your kids have played with the washing pile in the background the pic captures the reality of what life of a mum is like . So what I’m really trying to say is capture the moments , take the raw unhinged pictures , if you want a family member in your memory pictures do it while there alive , cos one day those pics are all you’ll have left and the more raw unhinged the picture that captures the moment , the personality , the event , the tiredness , the fun, the mess but more than anything the moment in which you was captured in for that moment and the memory it will create , I’m gonna leave you with my most unhinged picture of this past few months , I’m fat , I’m half bald , no one had told me my tash was growing back 🙈, I’d not showered for days and at the grand old age of 48 I’d sat n smoked a spliff in my garden sorry mum , I’d laughed too much , my eyes lost control , I couldn’t think straight let alone walk straight but you know what the picture captured a moment a memory . What a picture for you all to wake up to 😂 so please please if you do one thing for your family this year capture them pictures , the good , the raw , the unhinged , I can’t wait to see them all ,
The good the bad the ugly I give you it all , steroid rambles, I may be terminal but I’ll never be tame , Ferral beeast till the end , ps this is not me picking my obituary picture tony 😂😂😂
21 December 2025 11.07
Words at times aren’t enough to describe how proud I am , at 13 years old he continuously shows such a caring and compassionate side, last night went a bit bellies up and with Tony at work and his brothers on ghost mode he yet again went above and beyond his years. I won’t get to see what kind of husband he becomes but if what I’ve seen this past few years is anything to go by he’ll make the most caring , loving supportive husband ever. Don’t ever change Jacob 💕💕
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.
23 December 2025 00.19
·Really not how this should of been , but that’s the thing at the minute with terminal cancer and being well beyond my predicted expiry date every day is unpredictable and a roulette of how I’ll wake up and what chaos my body gonna do, since my steroids stopped Friday my mouth and brain have shut the chuff up but pain ramped up, been sweating temperatures for fun , shit once in 10 days cheers morphine , pain back off the scale and the tipping point was in asda this morning them announcing its self scan only. Cue me collapsing into someone I knew and saying I just can’t fucking do it ( bless him he put all my shopping through self scan , packed it put it in car all while I stood like a tit crying ) , so here I ended up here this Monday morning , not the dinner date I’d losely planned , the Xmas shopping I wanted to finish, but you know what I’m at peace, I want to enjoy my time at home not be crippled and debilitated and in so much pain the simplest of things can turn into an uphill struggle . They’ve picked up on 2 infections , a bottomed blood count and we are trying a new balance of morphine , oh and restarting a short course of steroids , whoop whoop mouth and mind back on steroid mode , let’s have some fun . So here I am fooking starving , snuck downstairs for a McDonald’s fillet of fish cos they’ve forgot to feed me all day , still here , still feral and still chosing greasy victories 💪🏻💪🏻
Kirstin is at Bexley Wing St James Hospital.
23 December 2025 19.46
Weird how what should be a bad day has been far from it. On a lovely 4 bed ward . One bed sadly this Christmas is going to be a very sad one as they see there loved one with the next few days travel to the other side. The other 3 of us have sat , talked , laughed , reminised and spoke so much unspoken words , always hard in this situation to find people who truly understand and you know what we are all spangled up on steroids mouths running at 100 mph and had the absolute best afternoon. We all feel so refreshed from it , our paths may never cross again but been grateful of our time together , pic of tonight’s tea which was actually really nice but still starving nowt new there then 🙈
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
24 December 2025 13.31
The unfiltered, the toothless , the reality , the steroids , the happiness to be out , the random shop I thought I wouldn’t get to do where you go for pork pie and a top up of few fresh bits and £480 later you’ve bought what you never knew you may of wanted 🙈 the husband dragged along, bet he’s wishing I hate that nhs for formulating a plan 😂. Just me , my hubby , 26 years in and about to have the most unhinged Christmas cos this cows on steroids , he’s just nipped hospital for my prescription which is finally ready ( he needs the hours peace ) and hopefully it will get me through these festivities but I think be Tony who’ll need an emergency prescription for something to get him through 😂😂 thought last year was my bonus Xmas , thankful to be given this bonus bonus one it defo will be one to remember 🙈😳 steroided up head and mouth working at different speeds and defo no filter in me , I don’t usually do videos but thought you can have it all and see what at times he has to put up with when I’m unhinged. I did miss loads of moments cos my mouth was quicker than unlocking my phone 😂😂 like wtf m and s have no carrier bags on Xmas Eve all right love I’ll just leave my shopping there on your conveyor and go buy em from b and m shall I , suddenly 4 carrier bags appear , I’m on a ramble 🤪 terminal
But never be tamed. Steroided up and won’t be quiet , the good the bad the ugly your all having it all 😂 now to wrap all
The last min gifts no doubt start eating the chocolates I’m wrapping and get all name labels mixed up 😂
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
25 December 2025 01.27 (My amazon parcels, some were simply in there delivery packaging with name tags on)
Think Tony got bored of wrapping , needed his bed 😂😂😂
Kirstin is with Jacob Love and 4 others
25 December 2025 09.11
·Whoop whoop he’s been , Tony in his usual pose 🙈 age 24,20 and 13 they’ve still got there stockings as I love doing them and I know they love opening them . Yes the wrapping paper doesn’t match, the gift tags are 100% stick on and my wrapping skills long gone as every present I’ve wrapped has transported me into a memory and neat corners became such low priority as I then spent the time sharing the memory.
But every single present under this tree and scattered accross the room has been thought out.
Something my boys need, want, or would absolutely love. Nothing random. Nothing lazy, some gifts will be used and gone within weeks, others may last a year and they’ve all got one special gift that will hopefully last them years I thought so hard on that one and may of dripped a few tears .
This Christmas was a labour of love in difficult times. Every gift took effort, planning and energy which I don’t exactly have in abundance. But as a terminal cancer patient, this is exactly how I choose to spend what energy I’ve got , on my special boys and my husband.
Perfect wrapping fades. Love doesn’t.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way. So Tony , Samuel , Joseph , Jacob I hope you love all your gifts , every single one , every present may create a memory a rambler or 9 insignificant sentences I don’t complete , but as always terminal but will never be tamed not even with my rainy day funds, there’s only sunshine in heaven 🤞 I’m on the good list 🙈 , steroided up and ready to ramble and unhinge .
Have an absolutely amazing Christmas everyone , hug your loved ones , take those pictures , perfection doesn’t exist , for me last year I loved my bonus Christmas , today I’m Sat here with my bonus bonus one . Open door , kettle always on and me slightly unhinged in the corner , Christmas 2025 I wish you all
The very very best 💪🏻
25 December 2025 14.53
Whoop whoop another Christmas we’ve dodged a Sunday dinner , full belly happy Kirstin , hope your all
Having a fab day
Kirstin is with Samuel Love.
26 December 2025 10.17
·My favourite picture on my camera roll this Christmas 💕 people who truly know me and my family know the struggles we’ve had over the past 4 years with Samuel . Trying to keep him on the right path , despairing when he’s on the wrong one and every path always leads back to the same place for him . It’s so hard to be trapped in a cycle and find a different escape , in many ways I think he’s been blinded to the fact As a mum I always see it , but can’t always save him , I often know his next move before he does thats just being a mum isn’t it , loving some one so deeply and intensely that you know them more than they know themselves , the frustration and hatred I sometimes show is actually a burning love that will forever glow so bright that it can be perceived as every emotion . So many times this year I’ve seen you try so hard and kept thinking have we finally cracked it then something happens and you fall . But since September I’ve seen such a greater sense of determination , but equally I’ve seen the slips . But look at it like an exam not everyone passes first time you just have to dust yourself off refresh your head and find the strenght and ability to change to approach it different , be true to yourself . You know what you need to do Samuel but have the believe in yourself to see things right through and not be afraid to walk away from those who really don’t understand not only why you want to be on a better path but the need for you to be . This year you’ve shown me who you can truly be , the kind caring big brother who’s given me so much mental peace when you’ve been off fishing with Jacob, spent time with him , taken him shopping etc that means the world. The journey we are on is an impossible one and I’ve fast realised what a deep person you are but this last couple of weeks we’ve had such openness between us and I’ve loved the fact we’ve talked so much and cried together . One of reasons I’ve put this on here as I’m Somehow hoping there’s someone out there who is maybe going through their own struggles . Needs a buddy up , someone you can chat too and know your not alone , your the one I worry hasn’t got that person, someone to reach out too , get off for a walk with to clear your head , someone who isn’t gonna say come pub , like me with Joanne I only have to say word Starbucks and she’s there knowing I need her time and hug , and I think that for you is the piece of the jigsaw that will help everything else click into place .
But Samuel I just want to say it here , I see , I despair , I’m not blinded , but more than anything I’ll love you till my last breath and till your last breath I’ll forever be that voice inside your head , silently ask what would mum Of said and I’ll give you the answer , the presents yesterday were insignificant to me , what gave me the best Christmas was the fact I could give to you the present I bought you 3 years ago , it’s irrelevant to others what it was because to me in that was an act of trust , love and something you can carry for many years . Love you to the moon and stars and everywhere in between , and thank you for being the best picture of yesterday , unfiltered, fat fucked and knackered . You half asleep , hair a mess and looking look it’s nighttime not morning but the picture to me speaks much greater volume at what lies behind it 💕💕
Bloody hell steroid ramble but spoken from the heart for everyone to see
Kirstin is with Ann Cullen.
26 December 2025 13.43
Nice early morning chat with my mum on phone this morning , told her my intention of going supermarket, not cos we needed anything but because it’s what I always do Boxing Day , ain’t fussed for clothes or ought like that I like to look at the reduced Xmas food as it’s something I never buy full price cos I think it’s over priced n crap most of it 🙈 see this is the thing with mums we always know our kids minds , received this message from her cos she knows I always include her in any bargains and my fave Boxing Day sport is knock a door turkey 😂😂 well mum I got you nothing that was on your list 🤪 so enjoy your for pennies treats, merry Xmas
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
26 December 2025 18.47
·Emotional posts over for now 🙈 So this is where we are.
Tony is done , not tired , not irritated , not emotional just
A hollow eyed man haunted by a woman on steroids with a mouth that does not shut and a brain running on pure chaos.
My oncologist did say
“Putting her on steroids so she can have a good Christmas will absolutely ruin your husbands “‘I smiled and nodded cos my Xmas was priority he laughed and winked, prescription signed 😂
Proffesor stark you totally under sold it
This isn’t ruined this is a controlled domestic incident 🤪🤪
Professor Stark and I have long acknowledged the side effects:
I become feral.
Unhinged.
A one woman podcast recording 100 conversations simultaneously, completing none, circling back to all of them then forgetting again where I’m At . Your only supposed to be on them 3 days , he’s bounced me on and off them for over 2 weeks , my mouth is tired but not tired enough.
I’ve fully spangled Tony’s head today , he’s expecting the impossible of me. who enters our house knows the survival protocol
duck. dive. nod aggressively.
Agree even if I’m wrong.
Especially if I’m wrong.
Accept I have zero filter, zero chill, and I will casually deliver home truths you didn’t ask for, didn’t want, and will think about at 3am for the rest of your life. Everyone on this journey with me knows that .
And then there’s Tony
who made the career ending, life shortening, stupid mistake of telling me to sit quietly, do not speak announcing he wasn’t listening, and then ignoring me. Pffft kept ramping it up didn’t I , rage baiting him
😂😂 now look who’s speaking outta sequence.
The good the bad the ugly I give you it all, terminal but never tame
Steroid powered Unapologetic and mouthy
Only death will silence me
and even then, I’ll be going out mid-sentence, annoyed, and absolutely making sure I’ve had every last word.
27 December 2025 13.37
Been a lovely Christmas and one which I’ve thoroughly enjoyed especially as it was my bonus bonus one Plenty of time spent with those closest too me and thankfully the tablet mix they’ve put me on has enabled me to have long days full of energy , late bedtimes and generally feeling good To which I’m Thankful , slightly unhinged mouth but hey ho 🙈carried on as normal and done what I always do and now sat wrapping some presents for next Xmas , beauty of starting now is by the following Christmas I’ve forgotten what I’d bought , so many things the lads opened this year and I’m sat thinking can’t remember buying that. Thank you everyone that’s taken the time this Christmas to see us , wish us well , send messages and understood the position we are in and supported us . Means so much that we’ve people that genuinely care , hope everyone has had the best Christmas too and spent time with those they love 💪🏻
Kirstin is with Jacob Love.
29 December 2025 17.41
Just a mum and a boy pretending they’ve errands to do 🙈 who doesn’t like to sneak off for a hot chocolate and a chat, make time for those that are forever by your side and part of your journey , love the openness me and Jacob have and how he can ask me anything 💕💕
Kirstin is with Jacob Love
30 December 2025 09.43
Yesterday morning I saw my oncologist. I’m officially 29 months into this terminal malarkey and honestly, I’ve had 28 bloody brilliant months of that. Only this last month have I actually looked and felt like the poorly cancer patient. I think it’s finally sunk in for people now. Like , oh shit, she really is dying let’s not deny her that kfc 😳
Probably because I didn’t spend the last 28 months horizontal on the sofa whispering woe is me. No I dug deep, cracked on, and kept life as normal as humanly possible.
I’ve powered through 41 rounds of chemo some of which genuinely tried to finish me off. Me and my oncologist basically treated it like a science experiment. Research for future sufferers. And for that, I’m grateful because it also bought me way more time than predicted.
Sorry about that, DWP keep that blood money coming 😂😂
So where are we now? In short the cancer has decided to put its foot down.
Over the last few months, the tumours have been growing faster than my waistline and extra chins. The big pelvic bastard has grown 50% now sitting at 10.5cm, invading space that absolutely does not exist, and causing chaos with my hip.
My largest liver tumour is now nearly 10cm, with plenty of other chunky ones as well
The crippling pain, that’s my liver capsule being stretched. I always knew it would be the liver that took me out not my lungs, which despite being riddled with tumours, are still casually flexing at 98% which is amazing tbh .We’ve always known the ending. I’ve never sugar coated it. Leiomyosarcoma is a bastard. It was never curable the goal was always time. And I’ve had loads of it.
How many of us lost people this year without warning, No goodbyes. No time to grieve before they’re gone. Just boom. At least I’ve had the gift of honesty and been able to tell people exactly what I think of them and how valuable or invaluable they are in my life 🙈😂 weird how your circle changes, if you can’t be there for the journey don’t try jump on my ending.
So what’s the plan, Round 42 of chemo is happening.
I’m still fit (and fat) enough to take it. We’ve got no great expectations it’s a wild card but even a slim chance it slows things down is worth a go.
Christmas 2025 was the one I was never meant to see. And 2026 definitely wasn’t supposed to be stepping into that. I haven’t asked for a timescale. I refuse to fixate on weeks or months. We’ll all know when the time is coming. For now Mission: outlive the corned beef continues until April 2026. 💪🏻 and then it’s May to go to the Isle of Wight to scatter johns ashes with his family . For now we try roll the best we can , keep as much normal as we can .
I’ll let you wake up to my “it is what it is” hospital face from yesterday oh and my bun haul to celebrate still standing , don’t give me sugar feeds cancer lines Silently chuckling that after showing them the video of Tony spangled from my steroids they’ve decided to give me another week of them god I love my cancer team 😂😂 . Thank you everyone that’s been so supportive and have followed this journey , helped me along the way , words are important and spurr me on , I often don’t reply to every comment but I 100% read everyone. And as always
Terminal but never ever be tamed .
Another week of unhinged behaviour, steroids, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Breaking bald again. Barbie crack back pending🧑🏻🦲🙈💪🏻
Kirstin is with Tony Love.
30 December 2025 12.52
Was gonna be a nice stroll round cas and a spoons brekkie with Tony but what should have been a simple return of a faulty item in jd took staff 1 hr 20 min to sort , there’s me pacing and steroid sweating and them doing nothing but apologise. I was cool I was fine . Can’t beat a bit of cas people spotting its like a scene from walking dead at times . Staff couldn’t apologise enough it took a sales assistant and manager so long to sort but £70 refund for a faulty hoodie safely on its way. Called back in on way back through town and we gave em a fiver greggs gift card each as much as they’ve taken our time we took there’s, it’s nice to be nice . They was over the moon I can’t imagine many customers give gratitude and thanks . I’ll spend the day forever with food monk on cos I missed my spoons brekkie and having to settle for a boobie prize of a McDonald’s . Picture just to show Tony’s enthusiasm but he’s got his happy face on cos we had to ditch the rest of the shopping cos I’d reached my limit 😂😂😂
Kirstin is feeling blessed with Ann Cullen and Tony Love.
31 December 2025 08.07
2025 what a year , the one which should never of had 365 days to fill but outta pure spite to an expiry date I made every single one . The year that In so many ways tested me and pushed me to my absolute limit but equally it did to all those closest too me. I’ve stood tall not with a determination to try show that despite what shit can be thrown your way there’s good in every situation we just have to find it . We are all fighting battles and mine is no more superior to others. We lost John this year , a very special man who was in our lives for nearly 20 years , I’m grateful for Good times we had the memories we created but most importantly my Isle of Wight family that came with him . My circle has changed massively , I’m brutal im honest and I see through things most wouldn’t and I’m
Not afraid to use my valuable breaths to tell people to F off , don’t jump
On my ending if you didn’t want to be part of the journey . My New Year’s resolution of last year was mission complete yest , I won’t share what it was as I’m concious of a position so many are in but it took self determination, discipline and reaching for a goal , job done nicely Kirstin . We move into 2026 with Pablo saying hello in the corner and whatever other things he’s picked up from us all , he speaks often my phrases in my voice , he’s the most random off the cuff purchase I’ve ever made but he’s a legacy , a story , a smile , the not dead yet bus 🙈 the most impulsive purchase ever , erm Tony I’ve bought a motorhome his face in that moment I’ll not forget but hopefully as time moves on and Tony and the boys get on some adventures again it raises a smile. I’ve slowly spent the year clearing my things out, weird old concept that , but why leave Tony surrounded with things that I didn’t need and had no value or meaning , I’ve equally spent the year stocking up , years supply of wash pods and cleaning stuff , everyone who knows me knows I love a bargain , Jacobs kitted out with toiletries till he’s about 21 🙈 I’ve forward planned his wardrobe, Joseph , Samuel and Tony I’ve refreshed all there clothes , can see it now mums dead but at least I’ve a 3 year supply of boxer shorts and enough hoodies to last for years. It’s been weird fighting to be here but equally planning on not being , but that’s the beauty I’ve had , I didn’t just drop dead as so many do , I was given the gift of time, time to prepare , time to lay down plans , time to teach and guide, at times I’ve felt like a home economics teacher this last few months , pushing Tony’s boundaries beyond meals that are served with toast or chips. We’ve managed to pack some travels in this year , was very lucky with school strikes that we managed to get butlins 3 times , just me my mum and Jacob , we’ve been a lot over the past few years and it will forever be his happy place of the great times the 3 of us shared together , in between treatments and a positive scan result we last minute went and enjoyed a week in Egypt , I knew when I got home though after the most amazing time that my passport would be packed away to gather dust and not used again , but I’ve had the holidays I wanted over the years and it comes with no sadness just a gratitude that I’ve done it. So as the year comes to an end , I thank you all for being part of it , for watching , listening, commenting and spurring me on through 365 amazing days, each one has been a blessing . As we leave behind 2025 I wish you all the best for 2026, reach out and grab them goals , make them memories , take those pictures, the only day everyone of us is guaranteed is yesterday , 2026 is a fresh new book , write yourselfs a good one 💕💕
31 December 2025 15.37
And here we are . New Year’s Eve 2025 hooked up to round 42 of chemo , it should of been the other day but they was over subscribed on beds struggling to fit people in and people didn’t want NYE, I’ve never been a new year person so it made sense to take this option and give someone else chance to enjoy what they love . And what better way for me to see in 2026 , fighting , something that’s become the norm for me , a desire, a passion a sport. So tonight the fluid flowing through me is Cyclophosphamide, my wild card , I’m settled I’m happy and I’m more than pleased with my window view over Leeds so that if I’m awake I can see all the fireworks blast off over midnight , looking forward to a chilled 24 hours after the chaos of the past week , loved every minute but boy I need the rest . Have a fab new year everyone whatever you chose to do to celebrate 💕💪🏻
31 December 2025 23.37
Oh yes who decided to have 40 winks to rest n recharge at 5 pm , wow what a nap woke up all sweaty , stuck to pillow , tongue stuck to roof of my mouth and sandpaper throat , clearly was the deepest sleep ever where I’ve snored like a pig on this cosy 4 bed ward 🙈🙈🙈 missed tea although it would of been shite anyway. Kirstin’s got food monk on, thank god for uber eats , so tucked back up in bed with my kfc , a cosy night in the colonel 😂😂 the clocks a ticking , I’ve got a window bed and a great view over Leeds. Normy watch can F off with its fireworks posts , raise the glass spread the cheers and I really hope for so many 2026 is your year 💕💕
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